All Chapters of Still Into You: Chapter 1 - Chapter 10

TAMARA "That's what you get when you let your heart break, ohhhh!" The serenity of Tuesday night was disrupted by me singing at the top of my lungs. I danced on my bed with my invisible mic as if I was on stage. I probably scared the lizards on the ceiling. Loud music was blaring out of the speakers. There were some times when mom would peer at my door and say, "Can you please stop that noise?" I admit I get a little bit infuriated before whenever she tells me that but as she repeated that almost a hundred times, I got used to it and just laugh at her remark now. My music wasn't her type of music because she likes mellow love songs, the ones that make her flash back her teenage years. I've taken a nap and guess what? I dreamt that I held hands with Hayley Williams of Paramore. It felt so real! The digits of the clock told me that it was seven o'clock. This night was going to be great because we have a gig! In addition to that,

TAMARA I felt as if I'd faint anytime.  I breathed for air. So I wasn't just hallucinating when I saw him in the crowd? Even though his appearance had changed, I was still able to recognize him because of his ocean blue eyes where I was once drowned in. Madness rushed through me. I already considered him dead and then suddenly, there he was rising from his tomb like a zombie. I peeped through the window, careful for him not to see me. He was still standing outside, as if waiting for me to come out of the house. I reclined against the wall with my knees on my chest.  What am I supposed to do? I don't wanna face someone whom I once turned my back on. My life is already perfect, would he mess it up again? I took a sharp intake of breath to calm myself. Minutes later, I heard some knocks on my door. "Tamara?"That was mom's voice. "Yes, mom?" I responded."You have a vi

TAMARA Really? He wanted to see me? Why? Was he already dying? Did he have cancer that's why he wears a bonnet and he came here to bid his farewell? Cool. I'd be glad if that's the case. "Don't worry. I'll be sending flowers on your grave," I said. "Which do you prefer? Daisies or sunflowers? You're dying, right?" "What made you think I'm dying?" He asked, flustered. "Because you're visiting me." What's taking my mom so long? I badly want to leave this jerk alone. I don't know where he got the courage to step inside this house. Shame on him. "Then, you got the wrong idea. I'm visiting you because..." he gasped.  "Tamara, it's been years." I raised an eyebrow. "So?" He gulped with his pleading eyes. "I just wanna talk to you." "You said it yourself that it's  been years so pull your shit together and get over it," I said through gritted teeth. I was about

TAMARA     I was lying on my bed, solemnly staring at the ceiling. Until now, I couldn't process in my mind that the guy I loved years ago talked to me again. Terror was crippling down my spine with the thought that he was going to be my neighbor. My life was at peace, why did he suddenly come to the picture? I have already pulled myself out of the abyss of misery and despair. I don't want to go back there. But then, suddenly, I was dragged in that abyss again. The agony, the rage, and everything else that torn my pieces apart was rushing through me now and my mind flashed back to the day he broke my heart. Everything was still vivid to me. It was our second anniversary. I was all dressed up. He texted me that he'll be picking me up at 5PM,  after class. The clock turned 5PM but there was no shadow of him. I waited. Maybe he was just stuck in a traffic but there's a little voice in my head that says there was something wrong.

TAMARAMy head was pounding heavily, a sharp pain shooting through it. There was like a mucus stuck in my nose. My eyes felt so hot and sore. I didn't know what time I have drifted to sleep last night. My pillow was soaked with tears. Maybe being here was a bad idea. I wanted to stay longer in my room, just surround myself with pillow and don't talk with anyone. I think that would be also a bad idea. Mom would wonder. Cole would be worried. In addition to that,  we have a gig so I shouldn't be absent. I promised to myself that I would make it up to my band mates after what happened last time. We were in Cole's place. I was sitting in the couch with my hand on my chin while watching my bandmates play scrabble. They asked me to join but I refused. This was the place where we always meet up to practice. It's been a year since our band formed. We met each other in an audition which was for aspiring singers. To be honest, it wasn't really my will

TAMARA The blankets weren't enough to warm myself against the coldness of the night. Maybe because what messed me up was more than a storm. It came from bits, and it was slowly forming a life of its own. Insanity. If I won't combat it, it would completely consume me. I've been having a hard time to drift off to sleep. Ever since Sean stepped into the picture, my sight became blinded by him. Everytime I close my eyes and try to sleep, all I could see was Sean. I admit, it was a nightmare. I could still feel his hot breath against mine. His bubblegum scent left a trace in my nostrils. I couldn't erase how the butterflies somersaulted inside my stomach when he almost kissed me. If I let him kiss me, I would have gone crazy. His eyes—they speak something, something that I cannot barely recognize. Could it be pain? I shook my head with my own thoughts. But why would it be pain?  Judging him, he hated alcoholic drinks and everything th

 TAMARAWhen the first rays of sunlight hit my face, I opened my eyes to find myself lying on Sean's lap. It felt like a pail of cold water was poured into me. My blood drained so in a halt, I rose up. I was careful not to wake him up from his deep slumber. He looked so serene as if he was in a wonderful dream. I know, when he's sober, he wouldn't remember anything. I would also erase in my mind everything what happened in the midnight. It was like I lost control of myself and now I was snapped back to reality. There was this anxiety that grasped into me. What if someone had seen us? I was filled with nostalgia. I remember the days when we had pillow fights and then, we'd end up falling in each other's arms. That was the side of Sean that I have witnessed for the first time, him in a drunk state. I was left with wonder. Was he really miserable when we drifted apart or he just said th

TAMARA A rush of regrets were washing over me. I wish I didn't go outside to check out what was happening to Sean, I should've slept instead. I wish I didn't leave him alone in our house. What if he would do something morbid while I was out here? What he said kept on resonating on my mind; You don't? Then why do I feel that you still do? He was just being delusional. From now on, I should keep my distance from him. If Sean wouldn't be the one who would create a bridge, then I won't be. I was afraid—afraid that he might knock off the walls that I've built for so long. Because I knew to myself, that no matter how hard I try to hide it, my heart was starting to beat on its own. I know what it wants but I needed to fight over it or else, I would be a loser again. "You have a boyfriend. You have Cole," I reminded myself. To distract myself from my thoughts, I clicked on the radio. I drove all the way to Cole's place. Sadly, he

TAMARA The whiff of moist leaves from the opened window seeped through my room, waking up my senses. It was late afternoon, past four o'clock and the breeze was cooler. I rubbed my eyes, tossing and turning on the bed. I stared at the wall as I had a recollection of what happened before I was dragged in a deep slumber. My tear stained face was the evidence. For a moment I wondered, was it all just a dream? I remembered the warmth that embrace me, consoled and hushed me. That feeling... I climbed out of the bed. Something like burning wafted into my nostrils. My eyebrows knitted together. I was panic stricken so I followed the smell that led me to the kitchen wherein I found Sean in my apron, cooking something.Sean... So it was real when I felt arms wrapped around me when I was crying? I thought it was just a piece of illusion.He turned to face me. My heartbeat escalated. "Hey, Tam. I just want to ma

TAMARAI was with the band inside the car. I watched the green leaves outside while the wheels were going round and round. We were on the way to the café where we were going to perform. Cole was beside me with his headphones on. I was just like a non-existent thing cause he won't even glance at me. I guess I should wait for the right moment to talk to me. I didn't even think that we would have a good performance together with the band because of his mood swings. I watched Ivy and Sam cuddling and laughing together. They were called "relationship goals." Sam always told that ever since the day he laid his eyes on Ivy, he fell in love with her. They looked good together. Sean and I were like that before. That was years ago. Well, we could still cuddle like that. Like what we did in the middle of the night. I woke up in his chest this early in the morning. The truth was we shared stories until we drifted to sleep. That w