Chapter Five

TAMARA

My head was pounding heavily, a sharp pain shooting through it. There was like a mucus stuck in my nose. My eyes felt so hot and sore. I didn't know what time I have drifted to sleep last night. My pillow was soaked with tears. Maybe being here was a bad idea. I wanted to stay longer in my room, just surround myself with pillow and don't talk with anyone. I think that would be also a bad idea. Mom would wonder. Cole would be worried. In addition to that,  we have a gig so I shouldn't be absent. I promised to myself that I would make it up to my band mates after what happened last time. 

We were in Cole's place. I was sitting in the couch with my hand on my chin while watching my bandmates play scrabble. They asked me to join but I refused. This was the place where we always meet up to practice. It's been a year since our band formed. We met each other in an audition which was for aspiring singers. To be honest, it wasn't really my will to join the audition but Ivy just convinced me. Unfortunately, we were all rejected. But soon, we decided to form a band and named it "Chocolate Eclairs". It was actually Cole's idea to name our band like that. At first, I thought it sounds silly but sooner, I realized it was sweet and cool.

It's not only the band which is formed but also the friendship. I suspect that's the reason why my feelings towards Cole were developed. Well, who would've not love Cole in the first place? He was just so quintessential. 

I was dragged out of my thoughts when Cole sat beside me. "Sweetheart, are you alright?"

It took me seconds before I could finally answer. "Yes, I'm fine." 

That was the biggest lie that someone ever told. Who would've admit that they are not okay? It's easier to tell we are than to explain why we're not, anyway. 

He checked my temper by placing the back of his hand on my forehead. I shook his hand away. "I'm fine,  okay?" I gave him an assuring smile. 

"You sure?" he asked. Concern was etched on his face. 

I nodded. 

A grin formed in his lips. "You wanna go upstairs?" 

"What? Why?" 

My cheeks burned when I realized what he was trying to say. He pulled my hand and we both stood up from our seats. Our band mates were busy telling each other stories so they didn't notice us. 

We went upstairs. I didn't know how I managed to walk to his room with this headache that made my world spinning. 

We fell onto the bed,  giggling. He was on top of me. We've done this a lot of times but I felt weird. Maybe it's because of the headache. 

He smoothed my hair with his hand while staring at my eyes alluringly. "I love you, Tamara." 

I couldn't answer anymore because he covered my lips with his. 

As I felt the softness of his lips, Sean's face crossed my mind. 

- 

Ten minutes more and the gig was about to start. The people were waiting,  my band mates were already prepared except me. 

"My head hurts like shit," I irritatingly said under my breath. 

"Tammy, are you alright?" asked Ivy.

"I'm fine." 

"Don't you lie to me. You look sick. Look at your eyes,  you look like a panda to me or worse, a zombie!"

"Yes, I know but you don't have to insult me." I was trying my best to put myself in a good condition. I massaged my temples with my eyes closed,  hoping that in that way, the pain would be lessened. 

"Confirmed! You're really sick. I've been your bestfriend for ages. You're cranky whenever you're feeling sick. So I'm right!" 

That's Ivy, she knows me. I don't have any choice but to tell her what I truly feel, "I ain't feeling well."

 "Okay. Just stay at the table behind and you can just relax there while watching us. I'll be going the one to explain everything to our manager.Don't worry, I'll tell Cole. Is that alright?"

I slowly nodded."Thank you." 

Then,  she disappeared. Although Ivy tends to act insane most of the time, I was lucky to have a best friend like her. She never left me. I felt guilty for not telling her about what happened last night. Among my band mates, she was only the one who knew about Sean. I didn't tell my bandmayes about him because I thought it was not necessary to tell people about exes. 

The gig has started. I sat alone in the table at the corner. Though I want to watch the band perform, my eyes were telling me to put my head on the table and sleep. I felt someone sat beside me but I didn't bother to throw a look. Maybe it was just a stranger. 

I never wished Sean to come back. If only I was a magician, I would make him disappear. Like literally disappear that he would be gone in the world so that I wouldn't see him again. I wonder, during the times I felt I was on my lowest point, what was he doing? Indulging himself with different girls on his university? Probably. 

Even with my eyes closed,  all I could see is him. It was like his face was painted on the canvas of my mind. 

I'm going to lie if I'd say I didn't miss him. His dimples that show up when he smiles, his laugh, those eyes with a shade of blue, everything about him—wait, why am I even thinking this way? He's my ex. In fact, I shouldn't be feeling this way because I've already moved on. Ex, meaning past. I was not supposed to go back there. I already have Cole, anyway.

I heard someone clearing his throat, "You look like shit, Tamara." 

I stiffened. That voice was so familiar to me. I lifted my face. I saw Sean sitting beside me, a smile plastered on his face. I sensed some alcohol probably running on him. He looked pink. His eyes were bloodshot. I didn't know if it was because of the liquor or he cried. 

"Are you drunk?" I asked. 

He shook his head. He was grinning like an idiot while staring at me. I looked away because anytime, I might melt.

"D-Don't look at me like that!" I half yelled, half yelled. 

He leaned closer to me, leaving just one inch distance. He squinted his eyes on me. It was hard for me to breathe. 

"Haven't you missed me?" he asked, his speech was a little bit slurred. 

No words came out of my mouth even though I wanted to speak. 

 He let out a soft chuckle, letting me smell his intoxicating breath, a mix of alcohol and peppermint. I found myself frozen.

Oh, gosh. What should I do?  

I gulped as he angled his face to kiss me. I closed my eyes and waited for what would happen. Before I could feel his lips against mine, I heard a baritone voice. 

"Sweetheart?"

I quickly distanced myself from him. My heart is pounding  like crazy inside my cage. Even though I haven't glanced to the one who spoke, I know it was Cole. Shit!

And then an idea popped into my mind. 

"Sir, you're drunk !" I yelled at Sean. 

Cole cleared his throat. "Excuse me, sir? Why are you harassing my girlfriend?" His voice was stern. In a halt, he pulled me away from Sean. I stood behind him. 

Sean shot a confused look. "S-She's your girlfriend?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that? Who are you, anyway?

Sean chuckled. He stood up from his seat. They were standing face to face. Sean was two inches taller than Cole but Cole had bigger biceps than him. 

I fidgeted my fingers.  My boyfriend was sounding so jealous and mad. I'm afraid of what might happen so I stood up in a halt. 

"Sweetheart, stop." I hugged Cole. 

Without a warning, Cole pressed his lips against mine. I was dumbfounded. I didn't expect that this would happen. It lasted for about a minute. 

Cole glared at Sean.  He smirked. "See? She's my girlfriend."

Sean didn't say a word. I couldn't quite register what expression was etched on his face. Cole took a hold of my hand and told me to get out of the bar.