All Chapters of Euphoria: Chapter 1 - Chapter 10

Vanity mirror, hands trembling and caged heart pounding, begging to be tamed, begging for an escape that will never come. I took turns in using random beauty products. My parted lips welcomed the hue of red lipstick, gone was its pale color and now looked like dried blood in which my dripping heart vomited. My lashes grew longer through each glide of mascara, enough to add life into the dead night that my eyes resembled. Dark shameless spots of imperfection hid beneath my concealer and yet another shade of eyeshadow made my eyes appear livelier than my life would ever be. Ironic how the mirror in front me says pretty but my heart feels ugly, proves how satisfaction and self love isn't defined by a mere reflection but starts from within. Sadly, it was something I forbid myself to have.Little red dress revealed my thick thighs and lower butt. Cleavage sneaking through its low neckline and shoulders bare through i

v e r n o nCatherine Jung is a girl that resembled all the beautiful words on a perfectly woven poetry. Raven hair cascades down her dainty collarbones like evening on a winter, a dark cloak atop snow-like porcelain skin, so bright and ever radiant that no blade would dare scratch it. Her eyes, they don't sparkle like the stars nor they resemble galaxy. It mirrored a dark hole, an endless pit of mystery and darkness, far from any heavenly body. I’m never a fan of heavenly bodies anyway. The same mystic pair of orbs rendered me breathless when they darted at me.I can't help but wonder what secrets they contain, what beauty they adore and what they have ever seen in their lifetime. I wanted to stare at them for long, discover their deepest pits, get lost to their mysteries. "Do you like Catherine?" Mingyu’s taunting question broke me off my trance.

v e r n o n Days felt running for long has gone since I last saw Catherine.I am to blame for I’ve been skipping my classes. The only thing that got me here again today is her. Since that day on the lab, I was never the same.Her features were so vivid in my memory and I’m seeing her even in my sleep, like that drug you tasted for the first time and you couldn’t get it out into your senses. I’m on the first stage of being intoxicated, the part where you get a taste and you want more. As for her, I got a glimpse and selfishly, I want more. More than just stolen glances, a few exchanges of conversation and forced formalities in between test tubes and flasks. Perhaps, more than just lab partners. Strange for I have always loathed school but lately, I’m finding interest to attend it frequently.On a lazy Monday afternoon, amidst noisy tables and busy people, I

v e r n o n She had a boyfriend. I should've known. When a masterpiece is displayed for the public to see, one has to be able to pay the highest price and own it. I couldn't pay the price so I just adored from afar. Stupid how I tried to hold someone else's precious possession. "Never thought Vernon with a black eye would be so funny. You look terrible." Mingyu who couldn't be of better help to my already sour mood kept on spitting non sense beside me. "And I never thought you'd actually pass out with just one punch!" He burst out laughing. He kept on replaying last night like it was the best episode of his favorite gag show. "I passed out because I was already sleepy before he punched me." I glared at him as I tried to keep my chill.Thanks to the drugs that already had me light headed and dizzy before I was even punched.“I thought you

v e r n o n "When the hell is he coming?!” JB turned harshly to Mark, fidgeting his feet in impatience. I gulped and managed to collect my own restraint. The two bickered while my eyes wandered in nervousness. I’ve done this a lot of times but even when you are used to vile acts, your conscience would always bug you like the first time you decided to pursue evil. Unlit light posts make the lower part of the suburb almost desolate. Empty establishments tower over the dark streets and dangerous people of the like wander around. The homeless. The drug addicts. The gangsters. The juvenile delinquents. They roam around like they rule the area. It resembled a hell hole, the part of the city you’d never like to cross but then again, this part is invisible to the privileged. I mean, if you have the comfort of a civilized city and a first class apartment, would you know

c a t h e r i n e He saw me. The existence of Vernon has never really been known to me. Maybe because I never paid much attention to anyone. Sure, I've known him as this good-looking guy who resembled young Leonardo Dicaprio with his chiseled jaw and golden locks. But his name or who he is, it never really crossed my mind. It didn't matter anyway. I ignore everyone unless they have anything to do with me. Until he saw my self-harm scars. He couldn't be ignored anymore. The thought that someone else knew of my tendencies haunted me to death. It fed my anxiety until it grew monstrous in my head. His disappearance after that day bothered me too. What if he's skipping classes and spending time with his friends? And by spending time, amidst their conversations, he accidentally mentioned me? That Catherine Jung has evident lascirated wrists? Of course, th

c a t h e r i n e To go somewhere with him is as equally interesting as it is unbelievable. I eyed him for a while, sinking in to my own curiosity. He sat there, non-chalant, eyes never leaving mine."I-I don't want to." I stuttered for an answer that lacked conviction as it should.I'd rather be alone. I am certain of it. Vernon seemed to measure my thoughts from across the table before nodding like it never really mattered. "Yeah. Cool." There was this imaginary gap between us that has began to stretch wider. An ocean of indifference took him drifting farther within the second. "Actually," I said before the gap goes longer. It stopped and Vernon was again, within my reach. A knot seemed to loose around my chest."I could keep some company." The ghost of smile on Vernon's pale rosy li

v e r n o n The rays of the sun grew torrid, waking me from my slumber. My head still bore a mild ache when I got up. Adjusting in to my senses, I remembered Catherine. I brought her here. A sudden jolt of panic rose from my chest, only subsided when I found her leaning by the small balcony. Some romance novel lie on her lap as she had fallen asleep. I sat beside her and found myself immediately drawn to her angelic state. It felt surreal, to have her this close. To have her come with me. I kept telling myself earlier, this is true. Not some drug-driven beautiful dream. I kept dozing off, which I hope she didn't notice. My headache is too cruel that I felt its claws breaking crevices in to my skull. I hated every second of it. How I am not able to bring her in a nice place and could not give her good company either. I hope she didn't notice, how fucked up I

c a t h e r i n e "Where have you been yesterday?" Lisa welcomed me the next morning with a couple of books in hand under her dead eyes. "I.. just wasn't feeling well." I fumbled through my things in the locker. "You never skipped even if you're already dying." She gave me that intriguing look. We've been classmates since grade 11. We're close but she's friends with everyone that it's hard to tell my level of importance. Nevertheless, we stick to each other because we're on the same class up to now. "Don't I deserve to skip classes everyone once in a while, ma'am?" I joked. "Yes you do. Of course. It's just you missed much! We had a quiz in History." She started enumerating all the things I've missed without me even asking. It's not a bad thing to do. To her, perhaps, it meant helping. But it was suffocating and

v e r n o n I know that Catherine worked in a bar. I must have been under the influence of coke but it's high has worn out when I saw her. Everything was still clear in my memory. Her desperation and fear to leave that place. The horrified look on her face when she saw me. But I didn't say anything because I don't want her to feel scared or embarassed around me. I don't want her worrying that anytime I might spill things because I won't. I don't even plan to tell anyone about her and Jackson. It was just a lame excuse to get close to her. "Let's call the other guys." Mark let out consequent thick smokes of pot. We are gathered in his house because it's a weekend. He stood by the glass wall that leads to the swimming pool where he is smoking pot even before we arrived. Mingyu is busy blasting up loud music while dancing to it.