New life

Fortunately, Dexter arrives moments later and I get into his car.

“Isn't it raining?” I grimace and he laughs.

"You're not in sunny California anymore." He reminds me.

"Really now?" I roll my eyes and look out the window on the way to his and Grace's house.

My life in California seems so distant to me, as if I haven't been here for a few days, but for years ...

They have a house in Blackrock, a beautiful part of the city by the sea and Grace hugs me as soon as I enter the house with Dexter.

"Nice that you asked Dex." She takes my face in her hands and I smile tentatively.

I'm slowly starting to allow feelings again. Suddenly it doesn't matter anymore that she hugs me, because I'm slowly realizing that maybe she isn't just doing it out of pity.

It's different with my parents ... My dad doesn't hug me at all and my mum immediately presses me.

It's different with Grace, in her eyes I don't just see reproach and despair, no, I see something that I haven't seen in the eyes of my counterpart for a long time ... love.

"I just need help and Dexter offers himself, he knows what I need to know." I reply with a shrug and she accompanies me into the dining room after taking off my coat and my shoes.

The food is really good, but somehow tense, because I expect to hear another lecture.

This has become a part of my life and it feels unfamiliar to eat without being assigned blame and accusation.

Grace and Dexter have no children and I know it's not because they don't want one, but because it just doesn't work out. Mum told me that at 35, Grace resigned herself to never becoming a mother, and when I see how worried she is for me, I'm sorry.

My mum is 14 years older than Grace and I know the two of them have a very good relationship, but my mum went to the States when Grace was just 7 years old and it's difficult to establish a sibling relationship across the Atlantic . Yet they are similar, in many small gestures and in the expression on their faces ...

A week ago I would not have thought about something like that, but I am starting to perceive my fellow human beings again.

After walking blindly through life for three years to the feelings of others, I'm finally taking a closer look.

On the one hand it is nice, on the other hand it scares me ... Because I can't deal with all feelings, I'm too used to having my protective shield built up to full strength, because it sometimes seems wrong to me to only run it in reserve mode to let.

I see Grace smiling at Dexter and suddenly I have to smile too, the two of them are not as bad as I always imagined them to be. We just never had the opportunity to really get to know each other.

"Ready Ana?" Dexter stands up and I nod slightly.

I go into the hallway and get my book on European law. Together we go to a small library and I look around in amazement.

"A little hobby of mine." Dexter explains to me, not without pride in his voice.

"That's really great." I sit in an armchair and he takes a seat across from me on the couch, which is covered with slate-green velvet.

Grace comes in and puts a cup of coffee for us each on the small coffee table.

"Thank you Aunt Grace." I put my hand on hers.

"Grace little one and you're really welcome." She squeezes my hand briefly and then goes back out.

"Then show me." Dexter takes the book from my hand and laughs. "I think you didn't understand the system, you should just highlight what is important and not everything." He grins.

"You should see my book as a fundamental right." I grimace and he begins to explain everything to me in a calm and understandable way.

I am infinitely grateful that he has so much patience.

There is a lot of work to do ...

"Thanks Dexter." I get up about three hours later and he stretches.

"You understand incredibly quickly Ana, you can handle it. If you continue to deal with the material like this, you don't have to repeat the semester ..." he puts his arm around my shoulder "And please call me Dex." He winks at me " Because you've worked so hard, we've got something for you. ”We go to the front door and he points to an old jeep. “So that you are mobile. It's not the newest, but it's registered and insured, it's just standing around in our garage. "

"Wow thanks!" I hold him in my arms and he hugs me.

“Nice that you are so disciplined. Grace is really worried about you. ”He looks at me and I look at the floor.

Is it so unlikely that after 5 days I won't be in trouble?

Yes, when I look at my last few years, it really is progress ...

“How did you know I wanted to look for a car? I haven't said anything yet. ”I look at him questioningly and he smiles.

“A California girl in rainy Ireland… We knew you needed a car as soon as possible. I've clarified everything, your driver's license is valid here and our insurance company agreed to insure you. Besides, we hope to see you more often. ”He confesses to me and I nod slightly.

"You want to control me." I state soberly.

"No Ana, we want you to be fine and we want to help you wherever we can." Grace comes to us and looks at me sadly. "We don't want to control you."

"Okay." I say quietly and go to her. I wrestle with myself for a moment and then pull her into my arms "Thank you Grace."

“Not small for that. Will we see you again on Tuesday evening? ”She tilts her head and I nod.

"Okay." I take the car key from Dex and get behind the wheel. “Thank you.” I wave to both of them and then drive out of the driveway.

Okay, left-hand traffic, but hey, to my own amazement, I'm doing quite well ...

It is frightening that my own parents are so strange to me and that I suddenly feel something like family feeling again with Grace and Dex ...

I drive to the harbor and watch the high waves crashing against the quay wall for a while.

My last chance ...

I shouldn't miss it.

I owe it to myself to make something of my life and I owe it to John.

Even if my mum isn't often right, she's right when she says that John didn't want that for me ...

My new life begins without warning, without a warm-up phase and at breakneck speed ...