CHAPTER TEN- BEAUTIFUL IN WHITE

JOANABE POV

"Joanabe."

I feel someone shaking me.

"Joanabe! Get a grip on your life!" Shally Mae furiously said, holding my body forcefully.

"What were you thinking?" She sounds so worried, but I was thinking of Kane running to me, saying he was looking for me. What on earth, Joenabe? He is married. You can't have him, so you better stop it. 

Shally pinches my shoulder to make me gasp in surprise. I can't be mad. She wants to get me back on my feet. Her eyes look at me like they want to scold me.

My eyes enlarge as I could not speak. I am too busy thinking about him. But Kane wasn't thinking about me, and now Shally is sending chills all over my body.

I shrug and move Shally Mae out of my way.

"Joanabe!" Cheryl waved at me, smiling happily. I walk towards her, biting my lower lip, and said in response, "Hi! Cher, Congratulations to you and Kane."

"Thank you so much. You look wonderful!" She hugs me, and I am not sure whether to hug her or not, but I patted her back in assurance.

"Thanks for attending the wedding. You are coming with us right to celebrate, right?" Kane jumps out of nowhere, having a big smile on his face that could beat the brightness of the sun but it was not mean for me. 

"I am sorry I have something to do, and I have a concert to work on. The only time that I can spare was earlier. Sorry, I did not mean to be rude. You look beautiful in your wedding dress." I feel sorry that I lied straight to their faces. I don't want to party with them, that's all.

Cheryl looks sad and holds my hand, "Thank you, I understand. I know how much you love music, and I am grateful you spare some time for my wedding."

Kane did not say a word, and he looks away from when I have my eyes on him. I shake my head and look at Cheryl, who looks worried.

"Before I go, will you listen to what will I say?" I said to her while clasping our hands together. She gleamed and nods.

I clear my throat and start to speak in front of her.

"Today, I witness you in a brighter smile and a brand new look that snatches anyone's breath away. I want you to know that you slay in that white gown as you take the path to with your man 'till death. I wish both of you no harm, but only warmth. Finally, you got yourself a home that you long for."

A tear fell in her eyes, so I wipe it with my finger, "That's how Kane feels for you."

"How did you know?" She asked, holding my hand in her face.

"I just know... I know how much the way he looks at you that different the way he looks at.....anyone." 

Kane looks at me with his teary eyes. I can feel it without me looking at him. 

She chuckles, "You are right. Thank you! Take care of heading out. I promise you. I will attend your concert."

My teary eyes know that there's something in the way he looks at you that's different in the way he looks at me, and it hurts me the most. I want to deny it because it's unfair to me.

SO UNFAIR.

I let her and go, so did she. I walked away, hiding my tears from them. 

"Joanabe! You are leaving?" Shally Mae asks while walking closer to me.

"You know that I cannot take this. You are the only person aside from my mother. Who knows that, Shally. I am so sorry!" I cried, then she spread her arms, and I go to those arms that welcome me. Shally Mae embraces to make me feel better. She soothes me like a child crying to her mother.

"I know, I feel so sorry for you. Don't cry now, shoo..shoo. One day, you will find someone better than him. NO, someone made for you." She caresses my back softly, and I sob at her dress.

"Look at you! You ruined your face again." She lifts my head to meet hers, and I chuckle.

"I ruin your white dress. You look fascinating in that dress, so I am sorry." I tease, and she laughs in return.

"Don't be sorry, it is fine. I can buy a new one. You need to rest. You better watch my concert, though." She pinches my shoulder lightly and keeps on reminding me about her concert. I guess I have to show up to show my respect to her.

She lets me go, and I slowly fade away in her eyes.

I hail a cab to go back to my condominium. I immediately grab some beer and glass without a second thought to make myself forget.

Forget this day. I want it to forget this day. I feel so empty.

Waiting for someone who made a promise to you is not easy. I did not want this to happen to myself, but why? Why can't it be me?

Why I have to suffer? 

I accidentally drop my glass due to my dizziness. I pick it up from the floor. I open my palm, and it is bleeding.

I grab the big piece of the broken glass and tries to cut my wrist, I hissed from the pain, and I drop it again on the floor. 

My blood drops on the floor, but it feels like nothing. I feel numb. For some reason, deep inside me wants me to continue, but suddenly a man stands in front of me. 

He looks so happy watching me in a mess. His wrinkles show excitement, and his finger pointed at me angrily.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT LISTENING TO ME TRASH! YOU HAVE NOTHING! NO ONE WILL COME TO YOU AS I DID TO YOU! HAPPINESS IS JUST NOT THE WORD FOR YOU JOANABE!" A creepy smile on his face will definitely leave a mark on my existence.

I cried and mumbled, "I am sorry, father. I am sorry for defying you. I am so sorry." 

"AHH!! MOM! THIS IS MY FAULT! THIS IS SH***Y!" 

My heart aches as I can feel it clenches inside my chest. I blink, and my father disappears. My reflexes quickly react. I stand up right away and look at every corner.

"Dad, you left again, huhuhu," I mumble lowly.

My head hurts, and my ears started buzzing, and I tried to hold it in.

Shaking myself from this pain is not helping. What should I do?

"ARGHH!!" Screaming at the top of both of my lungs. I can feel my body losses its own strength as I drop on the floor. I lie with my own blood on the floor. Tears just won't stop falling. This is not what I have wanted in my life. My body feels chilly, and now my dress is covered by my own red blood.

My door suddenly opens, I can see someone enter, but my sight is blurry. She runs at me and shakes my body in a panic. 

"JOANABE! OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED!" I can hear a loud worried voice inside this dead room of mine, but sadly I don't have enough strength to give a response.

"JOANABE! HANG IN THERE!" She continues to shake my cold body with her warm hand.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"JOANABE!" 

"JOANABE!"

My eyes close slowly into darkness.