CHAPTER ELEVEN- FU** LIFE

THIRD PERSON POV

*BEEP**BEEP*

Joanabe's eyes open slowly, and she scans through the room. She looks at her arms with dextrose attached. She heavily sighs when she turns her head to the right. There is a woman on her side, sleeping like a log. 

She shakes the sleeping body, and its response a hum. The woman stretches her body and looks Joanabe sadly. Joanabe stretches her body. She positions herself in front of the woman beside her.

A tear fall on her face as she says the word, "Mom."

**SLAPS**

Her mother's eyes reflect anger and scold her, "Joanabe! Why did you do it? How DARE you do it! You don't know what I feel. I was so worried about you. You didn't bother to contact me for months, and now I see you like this!" 

Joanabe cries and pleads to her Mom, "Mom! I am so sorry, please, forgive me. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel so useless. I feel o lonely. I've lost everything. Forgive me, Mom! Please! Please!"

**SLAPS**

This time the slap is strong for her face to withstand. Her face reddens and soars from the weight of the slap. 

Joanabe could not believe that her mother is slapping her. This is the first time in her life that her mother hurt her physically. 

"Mo-Mom, I am sorry." She said, shuttering and nervous.

She touches her cheek, where she received the slap.

"No, Joanabe. I did not raise you to be like this! You cut me out of your life, and now you feel so sorry. How about me? Do you know how I feel? I feel betrayed. I should have you left as your father did!" Her mother furiously said to her while stomping her feet out of the hospital room.

"Mom! No! NO! WAIT! Please don't leave me!" Joanabe calls for her mother that never turns her back at her. 

**BAM!**

The sound of the closing door that her mother did makes her cries loud and feel miserable.

"How do I suppose to live?" She asked herself while hugging herself in her hospital bed. 

She looks at her wrist and cries harder. 

AFTER ONE MONTH

Joanabe strolls in the city alone at night, carrying a bottle of beer, losing herself through the night while the night is young.

**HICCUPS**

She finds an empty seat near to the park and immediately runs for it.

Joanabe drinks the last drop of the bottle she is carrying, "Such an exquisite taste!"

Her laughter fills the empty park.

Someone pokes at her back to get her attention, and she quickly turns her head to see who poked at her.

"It is a silent night for a lady to laugh like she is with a friend or somebody." The man expresses.

She smirks at him and offers, "Why don't you sit here with me? The seat is good for two. For you and me."

The man chuckles, "Thank you for your kind offer, but I will like to offer. Why don't you go home and loosen up yourself? It is not safe for a lady to be alone."

"Since it is not safe for a lady to be alone, then accompany me on this lonely night of mine." The man shrugs and takes her offer to sit beside her.

"I am a stranger. You do not doubt me?" 

"Why would I? You wouldn't take my offer, and you wouldn't make a kind offer? You are trustworthy for the night." She sneered at him, and the man chuckles, looking at her sad eyes.

"You smell like your bottle. It looks like you have a tough life." The man said to her in return; she is taken aback, and she looks like she is about to cry, but she bites her lower lips.

"Do you want me to sing a song for you, Miss?" The man asked Joanabe seriously with a little nervousness in his voice.

Her head nods in agreement and smiles at the man sitting beside me. She did not think that the man would sing a song for her, and she did not expect anything from him.

The man turns his face away from Joanabe and starts opening his mouth to speak in his heart.

"No, you do not perceive 

The feeling of nothing's alright

A stranger like you can't relate to what it's like to be me

I am hurt, lost

I am left alone in the dark

Kicked by the people who want me down

I have pushed around to continue my life

But I am on the edge of breaking apart

Then no one is here to save me 

No, you do not know what the feeling

TO be in my life."

The man turns his head after he sang the last word of the song to see Joanabe's reaction. He did not expect that Joanabe would cry in front of him.

"Th-at was beau-tiful and painful." Joanabe wipes the tears in her face using her wrist.

"It is painfully beautiful. That's how our like is. Maybe?" 

She nods to him, "I feel like everyone is turning their backs on me." 

"Well, I have no one, to begin with." 

Joanabe feels the sadness and loneliness from the man in his words, and she silently feels the hurt.

They spend the rest of the hours sitting silently and thinking about their lives. 

Of all a sudden, the man stands up and says, "Let me hail a cab for you. You need to go home."

She stands from her seat and walks with the man to the shelter to hail some cab. 

The man hails, and the car stop right in front of them.

Before she hops in, she turns around to see the man.

"May I know your name?" She kindly asks.

"It is better to keep this way. Let's stay like this. It is better to be strangers than to become a stranger in your life. I do not want to be part of that list,"

The man smiles at her, and she hesitantly says the word 'thank you', but she did say it to the man before leaving him alone, standing in the shelter. 

She keeps herself busy looking at the window in the cab. She unintentionally speaks to herself loudly.

"I thought I had love at the right time,

Guess I deeply know inside,

I couldn't make it with you through time,

Your dreams are too far as the distance between the stars and shores.

If I call your name today

I know I couldn't make you stay,

But across the road, I take

Our paths are going to meet again,

It doesn't matter when, where

But I believe our paths will cross

Then your heart may come to see

That I was yours, but you weren't mine."

"You have a gorgeous piece of wisdom, Ma'am, and we are here in your location." The driver smiles at her and compliments her.

"Thank you for the ride. It is beautiful, but it is painful." She pays and gets out of the cab.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket, and she picks it up right away.

"Joanabe! How are you? I have something to tell you. I AM PREGNANT!" Cheryl's voice sounds so happy, like someone who made their wish come true.

Joanabe can sense that Cheryl is jumping and rolling in her bed while talking to her. But instead of feeling happy for the news, she feels the bitterness inside while listening to her friend.

"Congratulations...I am sorry, I have to do something." She said, feeling uninterested talking to her friend.

Clicking on the end call in her phone is like stopping the bleeding in her heart. It is also to stop her from hearing the good things that happened to Cheryl.

She goes to her room and makes her body go to sleep.

"SHE IS NOTHING BUT TRASH!"

"I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU LIKE YOUR FATHER DID!

"JOABANE, I AM ENGAGED."

"JOANABE, I AM PREGNANT."

"STOP! STOP! STOP! Make it stop. Somebody, please make it stop." She curls her body in her bed, pleading to make the thoughts in her head from haunting her. She hugs herself tightly and cries alone in the night until she drifted to sleep.

Joanabe spends her life expecting her mother to call her, her father to knock at her door, Kane to apologize, and Cheryl to cheer her up. Sadly, none of them contacted her.

She turns her television on and finds out that Shally Mae's concert was a success. She feels sorry for promising to her and forgetting to go to see her performance. 

Her routine change. She goes every week to see her psychiatrist, takes her medication, sleeps, and lives lifelessly.

Every night she goes to the park where she went with the man hoping to see him again...to talk with him again. Sadly he is not there.

Billions of people in the world, but she feels like she is standing alone, walking aline with her life.

Joanabe keeps herself believing in the people, whom she longs to see her while keeping herself drunk and wasted.

In the middle of the night, she keeps thinking about how did she go wrong. She walks to her grand piano and plays it softly. Randomly, pressing keys like how a mess is her life. The sound of the piano that fills the room, sounds so aggressive and painful. Even though, the key is a mess but you can clearly understand the feeling of the sound that Joanabe is trying to convey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Months have passed Joanabe, grows tired of her life, and finds no one to rely. 

Her eyes have no tears to cry.

Her drunk body is growing sick of alcohol. 

Her mind is tired of thinking of the people who could not think of her.

Her soul is nowhere to be seen.

Music becomes a stranger to her.

She goes to her drawer to look for something that will end her misery. 

She finds a cutter and something that she did not want to see--

The mint green handkerchief.

Joanabe grabs it with the cutter, and she opens the door to her bathroom.

She goes directly to the tub and deeply slices her wrist vertically. She let her wrist hanging while letting more blood to drop. The stinky smell of the blood spreads in the area. The tub without water filled with her own blood. Having no more strength, she lets go of the knife in her hand.

"I FU** LIFE." She says in her last breathe before closing her eyes to death.

~~~~~~~~

"One more push! Mrs. Boucher." 

"NGGHH!" Cheryl pushes hard to give birth to her daughter.

"You can do it, Honey!" Kane encourages her wife while holding her hand tightly and patiently. 

*WHAT IS THIS? WHY AM I GEARING THESE?* Joanabe thought.

"CONGRATULATIONS, MR. AND MRS. BOUCHER! YOU BOTH HAVE A BEAUTIFUL CHILD!" 

The doctor lifts their daughter after Cheryl successfully labors her.

Both of the parents look at each other's eyes while the doctor is busy cutting the abdominal cord of the baby.

The child did not cry or anything. The people inside the room are getting worried.

"Is she fine?" Cheryl asks.

"O-Of course, Mrs. Boucher," Says the doctor.

*HUH? WAIT! WHY I CAN'T TALK! WHY CANNOT SEE THINGS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?* Joanabe says to herself.

The doctor handed the child to her mother, Cheryl, and she happily carries and swings it nice and soft.

Cheryl thinks that her angel is so beautiful and the most gracious gift she had in her life. No one can describe how happy she is with the new chapter in her life opens.

Kane's mind is busy thinking about being a good father to his daughter and promise that he will do anything for her daughter's happiness. He also feels blessed and happy with Cheryl.

"What will be her name, Honey?" Cheryl looks at her husband happily with teary eyes.

"Her name is Joenabell Boucher.  Our daughter, our child," Kane said happily, kissing her daughter's forehead and holding her little hand with his finger.

*WAIT! KANE? IS-IS THIS HIM? HE-HE KISSED MY FOREHEAD! MY FOREHEAD! NO! NO! DON'T TELL ME-THAT I- I.*

Kane is about to carry her daughter, but his daughter burst into tears. "UWAHHH!!!!"

Both of them are shocked by the sudden reaction of their baby.

*I, JOANABE INSIDE JOENABELL'S BODY BECOME THEIR CHILD! FU**CK LIFE*