Don't cry

With my index finger I trace the trail that the raindrop has left on the other side of the window pane and wonder whether heaven has cried with me out of solidarity. Is there an old man with a gray beard sitting up there who has decided that my pain is great enough to adjust the weather accordingly?

"Do you know the feeling when you've drank or eaten something cold too quickly?" I ask quietly and slide my finger to the next trail of rain. “The brain freezes painfully. This is how my whole body feels. Frozen ... and it hurts so much. "

"Evy, honey, you've been sitting at the window for hours now, staring at the rain." There is a slight rustling behind me as Claire, one of my two roommates, sits down on the bed. Carefully, as if she were worried about frightening me, she puts a hand on my shoulder and caresses it gently.

"At least she's not crying anymore," Lu says from somewhere. "The source has dried up, that's a step in the cold, if you ask me."

"Temporarily," I object. Slowly I let my hand drop from the window and turn to both of them. The skin around my eyes and on my cheeks is uncomfortable. "Why did he do that?"

"Because he's a selfish bastard," is Lu's simple answer.

"No, he's not." I can't believe I'm defending my now ex-boyfriend, even though he broke my heart only a few hours ago. Just because. I didn't see it coming at all, I raced into the ditch, smiling happily, so to speak.

"He's not," Claire agrees, giving Lu a warning look. "But what he did was still wrong."

"I don't understand." My nose starts to tingle again, but I hold back the rising tears vehemently. “I thought we were happy. We have already planned our future. Why does he just throw away almost four years like that? "

Unsuspecting, I opened the door this morning and let Sebastian in. Pleased because we hadn't seen each other all weekend. I had been working on my thesis and he was out and about. And no sooner has he entered my room behind me than the cruel words that cut into my heart poured out of his mouth.

Evy, I'm really sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be in a relationship anymore, I want to be alone for a while ...

"I know that sounds pretty ass now, but your ex is not entirely wrong," says Lu into my tormented thoughts. “You are too young to be bound together forever. You've been together since high school when you were almost kids. Such relationships are doomed to fail in the first place. You have to let off steam before you promise a single person. "

This is really not what I want to hear right now. The tingling sensation in my nose is joined by a trembling lower lip. Claire's eyes widen.

"Don't cry, Evy!" She admonishes me with her hands up, as if she could avert the impending danger. "What Lu tries to say in her rather insensitive way is: You and Sebastian will surely find each other again."

"When? After trying other women and finding that I'm the best fit for him? Or ... don't. ”A sore lump makes it hard for me to swallow. Sebastian looks good and is charming. He's also smart and determined. It won't be five minutes before the other women attack him like hungry hyenas. Perhaps some have already started hunting him. And now he's free for her.

I lose the fight against my tears and start crying again. Really cliché with a contorted face, runny nose and loud sobs.

"Holy Mother of God!" Says Lu as Claire hugs me and pats me on the back.

"It hurts so much," I whisper, choked, and press my face to her neck.

“I know, honey. Just let it out. If it works, cry until our neighbors call 911 because the house is flooded. "

Her words elicit a short laugh that immediately turns into sobbing again. I cling to her as if we were already drifting from my tears on a sea, hoping not to break apart. I can be really happy to have friends who stand by me in such a difficult time and give me support. I don't know what I would do without them. I have no idea how to go on living without Sebastian by my side.