Kapitulo 4: He's Here

I wake up feeling the warmth on my waist. My eyes automatically settled in my stomach only to see a small kitten curled up into a ball, peacefully sleeping. Chasing my sleepiness away.

My lips twitched.

"My little ancestor you even used me as a bed. Where is your master?"

Finding myself silly, a soft chuckle escaped my lips. Cats doesn't know how to understand human language. Nevertheless, they look so cute, even without doing anything.

"You look so peaceful, I feel jealous."

I carefully leaned against the headboard. While making sure that I won't stir the cute kitty awake. My fingers unconsciously stroke its fur. Just as I expected it was soft and silky. It's very nice to touch.

Just as I was enjoying the peaceful moment, the door creaked open. It must be the man who owned this naughty cat. I paid him no mind and continue stroking the cat.

"It's good that you're awake."

For a second, my body froze. The sounds of his shoes hitting the floor rang in the silent room. Shocked, I turned to the newcomer. His low, but masculine voice sounds pleasant. It was the voice that I was longing to hear. I was disoriented. 

My eyes suddenly feel wet.

"Martin..."

I don't know what else to say. I tried composing myself, but my heart became restless because of excitement. I tried to press it down and glance blankly at him.

I knew he would come!

Martin frowned. Showing his displeasure. I unconsciously shut my mouth looking at his slightly annoyed face. Why is he angry again?

"My lawyer can't come so I deliver the paper myself."

It was as if a bucket full of cold water had been poured on me. I was stunned. My lips parted slightly open. On my instinct, I acted as if I never heard his words. Instead, I asked the question that bugs me day and night for the past week through gritted teeth.

My eyes never avoiding his penetrating gaze.

"I was involved in a car accident. Did you know?" I asked.

Ignoring the heaviness in my chest. Indeed, ignorance is a bliss. I took a deep breath to compose my emotion.

I just want to know. Maybe he has a valid reason? That's why he never visited me. Any reason and explanation will do. I'm desperate. 

'Martin, just say something and I will forgive you, please. I will overlook your intimacy with your mistress. I won't ask anything; I will turn a blind eye. Just one word and I will forgive you.'

All the helpless pleas I silently wished vanished into the thin air as I heard his reply.

"It's good that you're alive." 

His voice cold and emotionless.

My shoulder dropped. I could feel a heavy pang in my chest. As if someone is squeezing my heart. It's unbearable and suffocating. 

I laughed out loud and force a smile on my lips. Holding in the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. Playing a nonchalant role. I shrugged my shoulder.

'Stupid, Helga. Of course, he will never care about you. '

Martin made his way to my bed, holding a briefcase.

"I'm sorry, huh? I had inadvertently trouble you for such an insignificant matter. You could have asked your assistant to bring that to me. "  

My voice dripping with sarcasm masking how much his words hurt me just now.

I tried pretending that I already moved on. I even promised Patricia that I would stop. But, the courage and guts, I built was gone, the instant I saw him.

Why is he affecting me like this? When he made me feel that I never matter to him? That he couldn't be bothered about my life and death? Is this how it feels like to fall in love?

"The house you're staying at will be yours as well as the car, properties and other assets, will be under your name."

"What, you can't bear to share those assets with me? So you give me everything? Are you insulting me? I don't need your money! Keep it to yourself." I screamed, pain and frustration laced my shaking voice.

Did I actually marry a scum for a husband?

Martin paused, silently contemplating. A slight frown appeared on his flawless face.

"As you wish. If you don't like it, they will sell it. The money will go to an orphanage of your liking."

He casually opened the case and fished out a paper together with a pen.

I just watched him took out the paper in front of me. My chest quickly moving up and down. It is unbearably heavy. It was as if a large rock had fallen on my chest. At the same time, I endure the instinct to lash immediately at him. This is the most humiliating moment of my life.

Watching your man choose another woman for no apparent reason. 

"What happened to us Martin?" I whispered.

I wanted to cry! I want to blame him for all the pain I had to bear just to save our marriage. I want him to understand the frustrations, confusion, insecurity and the desperation I am feeling. So that at least he can feel how much it hurts. But, I was helpless.

Even if we divorced at least, I want to hear his reason. So I could let go of those uncertainties that I had to deal for the past months.

Martin didn't speak. His lips purse into a thin line. Assuming a stance of a perfect bystander. Gone was the sweet and caring Martin I used to know.

"We are not like this, what happened? What goes wrong? Tell me, why have we reached this point? At least, you owe me an explanation right?"

The corner of my eyes feels hot.

He stopped. His eyes stare at me with indifference. He seemed to hear nothing. Martin just stood like a rigid pole just a few steps away from me, but why do I feel that he's so far away?

My lips trembles, I clenched my palm into a fist under the mattress.

This will be the last time, Helga. 

I just want to let this burdensome feeling out. Because, I feel like I'm going crazy. The pain that haunts me day and night, I want it gone. The days and weeks that passed never ease the pain that I am suffering. Witnessing him being affectionate with another woman when he can't even bear to look at me was maddening.

I gently grab his long, slender fingers with my trembling hands. They used to wipe my tears but, things changed. My hands caress his calloused palm and place it on my chest. Letting him feel my beating heart. I felt him flinch against my touch. Making me smile bitterly.

"Did you know?  In this very bed, my heart stops beating for three times ... I died three times in a row, I lost too much blood, it was all thanks to the doctors for keeping me still, but you never knew. I was fighting over life and death, but still you never knew! Did you know? I spent my days lying here waiting for the day that the door will open and you will come to comfort me? I waited and waited. But you never come."