Kapitulo 2: The Mistress

I turned my back and quickly hailed a cub. I don't want to hear what Patricia wanted to say.

Yes, I'm a coward.

My grip on the paper bag tightened. Inside lays the lunch box I repaired for my husband. I hope he'll like it. 

I straighten the wrinkled part of my dress before heading to the front desk.

Martin works in an entertainment company as a manager. He was always busy. So, sometimes he tends to forget to eat his lunch. Martin is very dedicated when it comes to working. He's a workaholic which makes me adore him more. 

"Good morning ma'am, is that for Sir Martin?" asked the lady sitting behind the front desk.

I forced a bright smile on my face and gave her a nod. 

"Yes, he left it at home. Can you help me with this?" I even raised the paper bag for her to see.

The man beside her glance at the bag and to her colleague standing just beside her. The two exchanged glances.

My smile drop. Why do they look uncomfortable?

The man broke the awkward silence and reached out. 

"Rest assured I'll give it to Sir Martin, later."

I nodded and handed it to him. However, the girl hurriedly pushed the paper bag back to me. My brows furrowed. 

"Oh, Mrs.  Giller why don't you personally give this carefully prepared lunch to Sir Martin? After all, you are already here, why not visit him too? I'm sure he will definitely be surprised."

I pressed the lingering doubt in my mind. She has a good intention.

As I listen to her an indescribable urge to see him sprout in my heart. Why haven't I think about that? Her idea seems feasible. That's right we can eat together. I prepared a lot food it's enough for two adult to eat.

"That would do. Thank you."

"Alright."

The two exchange looks again. I don't know why, but my heart was pounding against my chest. Beads of sweat formed on my palm. I suddenly felt a little nervous. Would Martin be pleased to see me?

Every step I made makes my heart thump painfully fast. I took a deep breath as the elevator opened. Will I really surprise him? Maybe I should have brought more food before coming here. My lips hooked up into a smile.

I search for his number on my phone. I tap his name and hit the call sign.

"Hello, this is Martin Giller. Please leave a message."

I can't explain how excited I am. At the same time there is this nagging feeling deep inside me. Silently pushing me to turn my back and leave. Something is telling me not to go and stop myself from going further.

On my way I only met a few workers. They are probably going to get their meals. This is not the first time I have been to his office. I shrugged the uncomfortable feeling off and headed straight to his office. Maybe I'm just being overly excited.

Once I reach his office door, I took a deep breath as I slowly pushed the door open. What greeted me is an empty room. No one is sitting behind the black wooden table.

I tried to call his phone again. There was a buzzing sound on his table. Astonished, I took it.

It was Martin's.

"He left his phone?"

I looked around. Even his assistant and secretary are not here. My eyes then landed on the partly open door. It was leading to a small comfort room. There was a faint rustling sound that slips between the doors gap. It must be him. Suddenly my chest throbbed with uncertainty.

How should I face him? Do I have to act like nothing happened? Or maybe I must make my stance clearer regarding our issue.

Without thinking my feet began to move towards it.

But all the words that I'm prepared to say, died in my throat.

"Martin ..."

It was as if I had been slap square in the face. My mind refuses to believe my eyes. My chest hurt. it feels as if someone is tightly squeezing my heart.

Kneeling in front of Martin is a familiar looking girl, Nadia. His mistress. The woman he claimed to be his friend. 

Nadia was eagerly moving her head up and down. 

Martin was leaning on the wall supporting his weight. His hands tightly griping her hair with his lips agape. Muffled groans echoed in the four corner of the room before disappearing in to silence.

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. I bit my lips hard enough to bleed. But I felt nothing.

Why is it like this? I thought I was done crying? I even bravely concluded that I was numb.

But I was wrong. Because the pain has grown its roots in my heart. It hurts every time I look at his picture being intimate with another woman. There are times when I choose to act as a deaf when everyone is screaming about his adultery. I never cared when people starts pointing their fingers at me. 

I often closed my eyes to the possibilities of him sleeping with a woman besides me. That way it will just sting for a moment.

But now, how can I act the same? Because it hurts so much that I wanted to scream and dash over them to hurt the both of them.

I want to confront them. I want to criticize their morality. I want to hurt them like how much they've hurt me. But I can't. I can't give up on the little ties that binds our marriage, the memories we have shared.

My knees felt weak. Tears streamed down my face. 

I dont know how I got out of the office. I ran out of the building as fast as my legs could. Trying to forget what I had just witnessed.

I entered my car while tightly holding my phone. My hands are trembling as I turned it on with my other hand. My foot stepped on the accelerator and sped away. As if being chase by a ghost. I feel empty. I don't know what to feel anymore. As if nothing matters anymore.

Endless tears flowed down my cheeks one after another. So this is how it hurts. When you yourself knew that you are just trying to deceive yourself that everything is doing just fine. Am I a fool to love a scum?

Everybody deserves a second chance, but nobody deserves to be cheated on, again and again.

Because deep inside I know. Whatever we used to have will never return on how it used to.

The phone vibrated against my palm. I slide the call using my shaking finger.

"Patricia ..." 

My voice broke.

"Helga? What happened?"

Endless tears keep pouring down my cheeks. 

"I saw him, together with Nadia. He used to be sitting by my side. Patricia it hurts! I don't like this feeling anymore! It hurts so much!"

"He's with his mistress?! Oh God, calm down Helga, where are you? I'll go pick you up. Where are you? Don't do something stupid!"

"No! You don't understand! Patricia, I'm tired. I'm so tired! I want to rip my heart out and let him see! How much he broke me!" I screamed in frustration.

My sight turns blurry. Sobs after sob escaped my lips. 

"How could he? How could he!"

My lips twitched into a bitter smile.

Suddenly a loud screeching sound echoes just beside my ear. I was momentarily stunned. My mind went blank.

It's too late for me to pull the steering wheel away. My body roughly slammed to the other side. My head hit the window.  Pain erupted from my flesh. There is a throbbing ache coming from the side of my head. The phone slipped out of my grasp.

The words I am supposed to say never got out of my throat, but it was buried in my heart.

'I'm tired Pat, I just want to die.'