12

I was wrong it could get more awkward.  

Silence stretched out awkwardly between us. Tension was thick at our table you could almost cut it with a knife. Mia and Amy could clearly tell the two boys were not happy with me so they got on their phones leaving me to my own device. Traitors.  

"So the weather is really nice isn't it?" I said playing with my hands on the table. I hated the feel of their gazes on me, it was making me uncomfortable and I kept shifting in my seat.  

"Care to explain?" Cris finally said. I honestly didn't know what the big deal was it was clear Daniel was joking.  

"There's nothing to explain." I said simply trying hard not to crumble under their heated stares. You would think I would be use to my brother being so protective but I wasn't. It still surprised me with Andy as well.  

"How do you know Gabriel Wolf?" Andy asked staring straight at me. I almost chocked on my spit at the mention of Gabriel. I was kind of hoping no one would say anything about it. It would be easier to explain how I knew Daniel than Gabriel.  

"Why does it matter?" I found myself asking.  

"Because it does!" He raised his voice but quickly lowered it after everyone glanced at him. My blue eyes looked at him wondering why he was getting so angry. So what if I knew Gabriel it wasn't like we were a thing. We just happen to have the same English class and the same hatred for one another, which made me also wonder why he helped me out with Daniel.  

"Carmen, Gabriel Wolf is not a nice guy. He uses girls like toilet paper and doesn't care if he breaks their hearts." Cris said.  

"But don't you two do the same thing?" I questioned raising an eyebrow at them.  

"No not like he does. Carmen he is someone you don't want to get mixed with. There is a reason he is called the 'bad boy' around campus." I glanced over at Andy to see a dark look cross his face as he clenched his jaw.  

"Just promise us you won't hang out with him anymore." Andy gritted out.  

"We never hung out before." I muttered.  

"What was that?" He asked.  

"I said fine." A ball of anger was simmering in my stomach at being told what to do. I was 18 and in college for christ sake. I could do what I want but it seemed the two boys in my life didn't see that I could think for myself. Mia could tell how I felt for she put her hand on my knee. She and I both knew not to say anything to Cris and Andy, they would just get even angrier.  

"Car we are just looking out for you." Cris said softly clearly seeing how angry I was at him and Andy at the moment. I didn't say anything and just stared out the window. It was stupid how I couldn't do anything without getting permission from my brother. I know he doesn't want me to get hurt but how was I suppose to experience life when he kept me in a box? Getting hurt came with the territory of life. Everyone got hurt in some way or another but you just have to accept it and more forward.  

In a weird way I almost craved to be hurt. Just so I could experience it and learn from it. Being cheated on by my first boyfriend hurt, way more than I would ever admit but it made me stronger. It made me realize that holding onto something you love can sometimes destroy everything you've built around yourself. That sometimes thing aren't as you think or hope them to be.  

I've never told my brother my thoughts about this because he wouldn't understand. He was older and a guy. He didn't have a brother and his best friend breathing down his neck. He didn't have the obligation to always be the perfect one in the family, he was already perfect. In some ways Cris always was able to do what he pleased. He could go to parties and never get in trouble with our parents, but if I so much as set a foot in a party Cris was breathing down my neck demanding I go home. Cris could have as many girlfriends as he wanted, even if I didn't like them I didn't say a word letting him be. But the moment I got a boyfriend he had to tell me to dump him, or if I had a guy look at me he would go tell him to leave me alone.  

I loved my brother so much and honestly wouldn't know what I'd do without him but times like this I wanted to punch him. I wanted to scream at him to let me live my own life. I wasn't a kid anymore who could be bossed around. Hearing both him and Andy tell me to stay away from Gabriel and Daniel made me want to be around them even more. Almost as a sign of protest against their words. I could feel my resolve getting thicker as I thought about going against their words and see Gabriel and Daniel. It wasn't their life I was making decision for, it was mine. And for once I was going to do what I wanted.  

*****  

The tension around all 5 of us slowly faded as Amy and Mia made conversation with the boys. I forced my anger down and pushed aside our earlier heated argument. We were suppose to have a good night and I wasn't going to ruin that with a stupid conversation I had between Andy and Cris. Even though the air around us was back to normal underneath it all there was a still a slice of tension between us three, we all ignored it though and continued on with our night.  

We did decide to go bowling for the next few hours since there wasn't much else to do. Finding a bowling alley close to us was kind of hard but after a few searches on google we were heading out of the diner. Seeing as we all would fit into one car we decided to take Andy's Range Rover and leave my car here to pick up on our way back to campus.  

The moment we got in the car and started pulling out of the parking lot a familiar song came on the radio. It was turned down softly but did nothing to stop us three girls in suddenly yelling for either Andy or Cris to turn it. Immediately we started yelling the song to Justin Bieber's new song Love Yourself.  

"You should go and love yourself!" I leaned forward towards Andy's ear. I was glad I sat behind the drivers seat for I was able to yell into his ear. At my yelling in his ear Andy flinched clamping a hand over it.  

"Carmen! I'm driving." He said over the music. He glared at me through the review mirror.  

"You love my voice." I sent him a smirk back. Andy just mumbled something I could hear while rubbing his ear as if I had really hurt him.  

The rest of the car ride was us three girls singing whatever songs came on the radio while Cris and Andy groaned in the front seats. The singing seemed to finally do the trick between us. The entire scene at the diner was forgotten and things were back to normal now, thank god. I hated being mad at my brother but I was one of those people that a few minutes after I said something terrible I would be apologizing to the person. I didn't seem to have a mean bone in my body, well that is what others say. 

Finding an empty spot at the bowling alley we all trailed out of Andy's car. It was well after 5 now and getting dark. The parking lot wasn't too full at the moment but that would probably change in a few minutes. Places like these always filled up on the weekend with teenagers wanting to do something. Sure there were plenty of other bowling alleys or things to do in New York but they were either too far away that no one wanted to drive to or packed with other younger kids. I bet this place did great business with a college near by.  

Walking inside I noticed the place was a lot bigger than it looked on the outside. Tons of bowling lanes were straight ahead and to the right of us was a stair case that had a sign signaling to other activities you could do. Heading to the counter to pay and pick up shoes I noticed the place was really nice. It looked clean and well kept which was good. Only a few lanes were full so there would be plenty of room for us 5.  

"How many games should we play?" Cris asked.  

"2 or 3 games." Mia said practically jumping in her spot. She definitely was excited to play. It had been a while so I wasn't expecting to be that good.  

"Sounds good to me." I said with Amy nodding along.  

"So 5 players, 3 games." Cris rattled off to the cashier guy. I was going to offer to pay but it was my brother, we basically paid for each other. Once we paid we all got our shoes before heading to our designated lane. Cris was the first person to change his shoes so we started on putting our names into the screen while the rest of us put on the ugly bowling shoes. I was never more grateful for bringing socks with me.  

"No that is not my name!" I heard Mia say loudly making me snap my neck up to see her glaring at Cris who was just grinning. Looking at the screen I saw he had put her down as 'blonde midget'. "I'm not even blonde." She protested. I rolled my eyes at the two finishing up putting the shoes on and setting my under the table. Draping my bag around the seat I took out my phone to keep on the counter.  

Mia and Cris continued on fighting over the names while Andy, Amy and I sat there watching them. They could have their own reality show if they tried.  

"Think we should stop them now? It has been 5 minutes." Andy whispered to me. It had been 5 minutes and it was getting boring watching them. Sighing I spoke up.  

"Guys can we just play? Put whatever name you want and lets go." I gestured to our lane where our balls were there waiting. In the 5 minutes they had been arguing the three of us had picked out the ones we wanted. They both huffed but agreed. Seeing as Cris put himself first he went. He didn't even pick out a ball just used the same one as Andy, Mia was doing the same with me.  

While Luke went up and got in his 'stance' I glanced at the screen to see that he had put weird/funny names for us. Mia was 'Shortie', Amy was 'Blondie', I was 'Banana', Andy was 'Hurricane', and of course Cris put himself as 'Sexy'. Each name was so weird and random. Like hurricane who calls him that? I snorted at the names glancing up just in time to see Cris knock down the pins in one single swipe.  

"That was just dumb luck." I sat when he sat down. What I liked most about this bowling alley was instead of the usual 4 seating tables this one had 6 and the table was longer, so everyone was able to sit.  

"No that was talent my sister." He goaded. I flipped him off as Andy got up to bowl. I stared at his back enjoying the view of the way his back muscles moved and flex as he bent over slightly and brought the ball back before launching it down the lane towards the pins. His grey shirt did wonders for his upper body. I was so busy focusing on his gorgeous back that I didn't see him get a strike until both Mia and Amy groaned. As he headed back to the table I quickly averted my eyes not wanting to be caught staring. Cris high fives Andy ignoring the groans from the three girls.  

"Shortie your turn." He said nodding his head at Mia. Not wanting to be showed up Mia stood up and walked towards the ball rack with her head held high. She picked up the pink 7 pound ball heading to the lane. I held back a laugh at her posture. She looked like she had a stick up her butt making her back all straight and stiff.  

Mia actually didn't do as bad, on her second roll she knocked every one but 2. Me and Amy high five her while my brother laughed earning a hard smack to the back of the head. I had somehow gotten put in last so Amy was up next. Of course Amy being the graceful one rolled the ball perfectly down the middle hitting every pin but one. There was just something about her that screamed perfect. That wasn't the case with her but it was almost like a vibe that she gave off.  

When it was finally my turn I grabbed my small ball positioning myself in front of the lane. Behind me I could hear my friends encouraging me giving me some kind of hope that I wouldn't be absolutely terrible. It had been forever since I've done this, I was always better at the Wii version. Taking a deep breath I pulled my arm back and straight letting my ball roll. I watched it as it got halfway down the lane only to turn to the right and go into the gutter. Why didn't we get bumpers? I pouted. We couldn't get them because we were too 'old' for them but who says us young adults can't have bumpers.  

"It's okay Car you got this!" I heard Mia yell to me. I sent a smile at her encouragement as I grabbed my ball that was spit back out at me. I can do this! I thought. I couldn't look stupid in front of Andy. Sure he has seen me screw up at bowling plenty of times but this felt different. I was trying to actually make him notice me.  

Once more I pulled my arm back letting my ball go. My grin widened as it rolled down the lane. But just like last time at the last moment it turned to the right only this time it didn't go right into the gutter; it knocked down only one pin. This was going to be a long night.  

******  

True to my word that whole game drag on forever. Everyone seemed to be doing good, even Mia and Amy. Don't even get me started on the two boys. There numbers were higher than any of ours put together but at least they weren't in the low 40's. Yep you heard right 45 was my final score for the first game. Every ball I threw just curved to the left or right only knocking down a few pins if I was lucky.  

The second game was slightly better. I didn't get in the gutter as much and hit more than half the pins. While we played the other lanes filled up with other teenagers and families. Popular music blared through the speakers causing multiple people to start singing which was hilarious. The sound of pins being knocked down echoed all around.  

It wasn't until the third game when things got fun. Since it was the last game we decided that we should try different moves to bowl. I bowled between my legs which actually got me my first strike of the night. Andy and Cris bowled between each others legs. Amy did a running start and flung the ball smacking it hard on the wood floor. And Mia laid on her stomach pushing the ball down the lane slowly.  

Both boys thought it would be cool if they bowled at the same time down our one lane. It was cool when they both hit all the pins knocking them down but it wasn't cool when one of the workers there had to fix our lane and we got yelled at. Apparently two balls couldn't go down the lane at once. Even though we got yelled at we all bursted out laughing the minute the guy walked away.  

Our spirits were high and my side was starting to ache from laughing so much. We finished the final game with a much better score than the first, or at least my score was better. It seemed when I did other was to bowl I could actually hit the pins. Changing our shoes and gathering our stuff we put our balls away and gave our shoes back before heading for the exit.  

"Not bad little Car." Andy said as he slung his arm around my shoulder as we exited the doors to the parking lot. His bare arm made my skin tingle where my shirt had slid down my shoulder.  

"Why thank you, bowling is my forte you see." I joked tilting my head to smile at him. He grinned down at me with that gorgeous smile of his. I felt myself melt inside at the sight of it. Having it directed at me made me into a puddle of goo. I was pressed against his side making me feel the heat coming off of his body. My body warmed and I felt myself leaning closer to him unconsciously.  

"Hey A unlock the car please!" My brother shouted breaking the moment, well my moment. Andy had no idea I was drooling over him or craving his touch. His arm left my shoulders making me feel suddenly cold as he walked to his car and unlocked it. I swallowed hoping no one could see my red cheeks in the dark. Pushing aside all of my feelings I slipped into the back seat with Amy and Mia.  

The ride back to the diner to get my car I tried to keep up with the conversation in the car but my mind was else where. I could still feel the heat on my side from Andy's body. I could feel my shoulders still slightly tingling from his touch. It seemed my cheeks were going to stay red forever for I felt them burning.  

Thankfully we reached my car a few minutes later. I gulped in the fresh air once I exited the car trying to settle the butterflies in my stomach. I really needed to get a hold of my feelings around Andy. Every time he was near or touched me my hormones went crazy making me a mess. Fortunately the fresh air calmed me down and I felt my cheeks returning to normal.  

"We will follow you back to campus." Andy called through the passenger window. I nodded along with the other two as we turned for my car. Once again the ride to campus wasn't long since the diner wasn't that far. Andy's car traveled behind us the entire time almost like a steady line of protection.  

"So i'll see you guys later?" Amy asked as soon as we parked and unbuckled our seat belts.  

"Of course. Text us in between classes if you want tomorrow. I seriously hate that our classes aren't together." Mia said as she shut the door to my car.  

"Maybe next semester we will have a common class." I suggested locking my car hearing another set of doors close near us. Andy and Cris trotted over to us as we all headed for Mia and I's dorm building. I really didn't know why we were all heading this way.  

"So classes tomorrow?" Cris said randomly.  

"Yep sadly." I muttered. I mean I was kind of looking forward to classes this week but tomorrow was my class with Gabriel and I didn't really know if I should say anything to him about helping me earlier tonight.  

"Don't worry Car it will get easier, well not really but you will get use to it." Cris took my words to mean something else. He pulled me to him giving me a tight hug. I breathed in the scent that was my brother smiling softly. He hugged just like my dad.  

"Well I better head out myself." Amy said.  

"I'll walk you back." Andy offered. I pulled away from Cris to look at them.  

"Oh no you don't have to." She declined but something about her tone threw me. It didn't sound to convincing for me.  

"No it is fine. I don't want you walking this late at night alone anyways." Amy nodded accepting his offer. I frowned wanting him to offer to walk me home but in a way he did. We were in front of Mia and I's building.  

"Text me when you get home." Mia said first pulling Amy into a quick hug. I did the same a small voice nagging in my mind but I pushed it away.  

"Make sure you get home safe." I said softly but I wasn't sure who I meant it for, Amy or Andy.  

"I'll miss you too!" Andy suddenly said throwing his arms around me giving me a hug. I froze for a second before hugging him back.  

After saying goodnight to Cris and watching Andy and Amy walk away I headed inside to change into my pi's. The entire time I got ready for bed I couldn't stop the small sinking feeling in my stomach at the thought of Andy and Amy walking away together. I just pushed it aside writing it off as nothing. I was just tired from a long day, that's all.  

*****  

"I...I love you. I know I should have told you sooner but I am telling you now." I said my blue eyes meeting his blueish green ones. They stared back at me plainly.  

"And you think I feel the same way?" He asked, continuing to stare at me. His tone sent a knife through my chest.  

"W-what?" I stuttered out.  

"You really think I loved you back? You are not pretty, you aren't smart, all you do is take pictures and draw, you are just a boring person." He simply said as if he was just talking about the weather. Like he didn't know his words were knifes to my heart. His words pierced through me making me breathless. Tears started running down my face as I couldn't stop them.  

"Y-you don't mean that." My voice quite as I stared at the guy I had been in love with for years. The guy who I finally confessed my feelings to and who was crushing my heart in a split second.  

"If you weren't who you are I would have asked you out a long time ago. You are just to boring and worthless for me." He shrugged. Those words were the final hit knocking me down to my knees. I could not stop the sobs that were racking my body at hearing that he didn't love me back. This entire time I had a small piece of hope that he did love me back. All it took was a few words to make me crumble.  

"No, no, no." I chanted hugging my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth. "No, no."  

I woke with a start of sob wanting to burst free. Tears flowed down my cheeks and my body shook. I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. It was just a dream. Just a dream. I chanted in my head as I forced my body to calm down. That was the most vivid dream I've had for a while. It felt like Andy was right there in front of me telling me those things for real.  

When I had calmed down enough I rolled back over staring up at the ceiling. My eyes burned from crying in my sleep and I knew they were puffy as well as my cheeks. I shook of my dream wanting to convince myself that wouldn't happen in real life. He wouldn't say such cruel words to me. I turned my head on my pillow my eyes taking in my alarm clock. It took me a good minute before it clicked in my mind. The clock read 7:45 am, my first class started at 8 o'clock.  

With a loud curse I jumped out of bed nearly falling to the ground from the sheets being tangled around my legs. Muttering curse words under my breath I flew across my room to my bathroom. In record time I washed my face and pulled my crazy hair into a messy ponytail at the back of my head. I barely thought of Mia as I searched for an outfit. With little to no time I just grabbed the first things I found. A pair of black ripped shorts and a white t-shirt that said "Namaste in bed". It didn't even cross my mind that I was wearing a dark bra underneath as I threw on some flats before grabbing my school bag and phone.  

I twirled around my room making sure I had everything I'd need before bolting out my door. I breezed passed the kitchen not having time to grab something to eat. As I reached the front door I saw a sticky note on it. I quickly read the note from Mia telling me she had to get up early to finish some homework in the library. My eyes just slide of the note opening the door and remembering to lock it after me. I really should have made it in the book of world records for getting ready that fast.  

My small legs ate up the pavement as I hurried to class. I couldn't believe I slept in making me almost late to class. First time that had happened in a long time, usually I was so punctual. It had been engrained in my mind since I was young by my parents to always be on time or to be early; no one liked someone who was always late.  

When I saw the English building ahead I almost yelped in joy. I was going to make it on time. I tore down the hallway and through the class room doors in a matter of seconds. I stood there panting as I inwardly cheered at making it on time. Glancing up I noticed the entire class staring at me. The professor wasn't here yet thankfully, I did not want to be called out that I was late or almost late.  

Blushing at the stares I looked down at my feet making my way to my seat. Gabriel was seated in his usual seat a few down from mine when I got to the aisle. Muttering under my breath for him to move I didn't give him time to answer as I shoved his legs out of my way. I plopped down in my seat letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I did it! I cheered.  

"Nice black bra by the way." Gabriel said to me. I snapped my head in his direction lifting an eyebrow in confusion.  

"What?"  

"Nice black bra. Pretty sexy for someone like yourself." He said smirking at me. Confused I looked down at let out a gasp. I had put on a black bra underneath my white shirt that was practically see through. Red bloomed on my cheeks as I realized everyone could see it. People around us who heard Gabriel laughed. I slumped down low in my seat wishing I had kept my long hair down to shield my face.  

Just kill me now.