Chapter 4

ANVI

A spacious dining hall welcomed us with a long table consisting of seven wooden chairs. There were two housemaids standing from each side of the room. My sight shifted to the people at the table. A man and a lady probably at their 40's and—

I couldn't move a muscle.

My heart is starting to beat so fast that I can hardly breathe. This night is great but seeing them already ruined it. I wanted to go back to the car and just wait for them until the dinner is finished but I can't let them see how affected I am.

I looked sharply at my sister who's now shaking her head while having round eyes. She seemed clueless about this. Really? Jeruo shove us inside. My legs became stiff like it was glued at where I stand but I felt someone hold my hand. It was Zilla. She nodded at me as if she's telling me that everything will be okay. I smiled back and started to walk towards the table.

Jeruo pulled chairs for us before he sat down. What a wrong placement. I silently looked at the people across me. It was Jof beside Kryzel—my cousin. The night when Jof broke up with me and I saw them together, I knew it. Kryzel was the new one. I had no idea how since I never noticed any changes with Jof's acts when we were still in a relationship but it just happened in a wink.

I badly want to slap them hard for betraying me but I don't have the right anymore. It's over. It's over a long time ago. Kryzel smirked at me and clung to Jof's arm before leaning to his shoulders. I felt my hands curl into a fist. She really knows how to piss me off. Obviously, that's what 'bestfriends' are for.

Just thinking of it made my blood boil more. I trusted her. I treated her as my own sister other than Zilla. We promised to never hurt each other but who am I kidding? She already did. The time she chose to be in a relationship with Jof, she already broke the promise.

I'm on the verge of crying when Zilla poked me secretly. I looked at her and assured that I'm fine. I can't ruin this dinner with her boyfriend's family. And I can't embarass her just because my ex-boyfriend is with his new girlfriend sitting across me which happened to be my cousin. It would be a selfish act. I want her to be happy so I must set my emotions aside and face this reality.

We started to eat so I grabbed the spoon and fork on the table to shove some food into my mouth but I almost stopped halfway when I saw Kryzel feeding Jof which the latter gladly acknowledged. The audacity! What have I done to deserve this?

My attention went to the guy at the edge of the table. His wrinkles showed but despite of that, I can say that he's a good-looking man on his past times. Why haven't I realized that these guys looked similar? I sighed. In this room, I was the only one who doesn't have any pair. How humiliating and awkward on my part.

He cleared his throat before speaking, "I'm glad that my sons already decided to let me meet their gals." He then looked at Jeruo. "Are you having two girlfriends? You really are my son." The old man laughed a little.

"She's my girlfriend's sister, Dad. I just think that inviting her would be great," Jeruo backfired.

The man just nodded but I heard Kryzel mumbled, "Third wheel" and snickered in a very annoying way! Right now, I wanted to shout at them and defend myself but I should mind my manners or else I'll be the one to look pitiful. My eyes glared at Kryzel which now acted like she's preventing her laugh. Jof on her side just stayed silent. I looked at him when he stared back.

Those were the same orbs that can easily melt my heart. I see those as symbols of spring since I looked at them for the first time. I wanted to stand and beg again for him to come back to me but I understand that all I can do is dream and imagine. I avoided his gaze and continued to eat.

Funny. He brought Kryzel to introduce her to his family even if they were just together for a month but he didn't even try to open up this topic to me when we were in a relationship for six months. Maybe I'm not really someone to be proud of.

Kryzel is a lady from a rich family since her mom, Aunt Ronna married a politician who owns businesses while me? My parents just worked overseas as nurses. We may have a nice living but it won't change the fact that I can't reach Kryzel's level especially that one of the person that I value is already on her side.

"What's your name, young lady?" Jeruo's Mom pertained to Zilla.

My sister smiled and answered, "I'm Zilla." Her smile is dazzling. She's so elegant with her look right now. Comparing to her—comparing to the people inside this room, I'm just a mere dust trying hard to look good.

"I see." The lady smiled. "How about you, young lady?" She looked at the girl beside Jof.

Kryzel smiled sweetly like she's a sugar candy that can make someone gain diabetes upon just looking at her. I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Moments passed, she answered and continued eating. I sighed as I felt the urge to go home now and sleep. I admit this day was never good and all I can do to escape these is to send myself to a deep slumber.

I felt that a pair of eyes are now staring at me so I roamed my eyes around the table and found that Jeruo's mother is looking at my direction. I smiled awkwardly.

"What about you? May I know your name?" Her gentle voice echoed when most of them went silent. I don't know what's happening but I still answered her question.

"My name's Anvi."

"I think you're familiar. Have we met before?"

I became curious of her statement. Have we? I don't think so. I never seen her before because Jof didn't tell me about her mother. Maybe she just mistook me for someone.

"I don't think so. I just saw you for the first time now, ma'am," I politely replied. I somewhat feel less tensed because of her gentle voice.

"Oh, I remember. I saw you with Jof at the park I think three months ago."

I stopped chewing my food like what the two douches across me did. Another rumble inside my chest occurred. Why am I feeling nervous? It's not like I committed a crime.

I was about to respond when Jof interrupted. "Mom, I think you just mistook her as Kryzel."

Her mother drifted her eyes from me, to Kryzel then to me again. She nodded like she realized something. "Yes, yes. Maybe that's why."

I can't blame her, though. It's true that Kryzel and I have similarities when it comes to our physical features. We're cousins afterall. Sometimes, we're mistaken as twins but all we do was laugh. I miss those old days. Those days when everything was still not complicated.

I sighed and glanced at Jof. It seemed like he feel relieved. Why is he acting like that? Why can't he let his mother know that it's actually me? Am I really not that important? My grip tightened at the spoon but I forced myself from doing anything stupid.

The conversation proceeded. They talked about their memories of being a couple and I'm just silent. Just listening to their talk that's slowly killing me especially when Jof talks about the things he and Kryzel did together well in fact I'm so sure that those happened when I was still his girlfriend. How can they lie like that? Or...did they do something behind my back when I was still his girlfriend?

I can't afford to see them being so sweet. It just irritates me whenever Kryzel smiles at me like she was proving that I'm already defeated. Fine! You win! You win! I...can't take this anymore.

"Excuse me, may I know the direction towards your restroom?" I stood and while gently wiping my lips with tissue.

"Just go straight then turn right, dear." His mother smiled.

I bowed my head before making my way out. I'm really not going to the restroom. I'm going to their garden to have some fresh air as I feel suffocated if I stayed inside longer. I've had enough. I'm feeling pity for myself.

The moment I stepped outside, my lips formed a curve when I felt the cold wind pierce my skin. The refreshing air tempted me to go further in their garden. My feet started to gap the distance to the near bench where I immediately sat. As I look up, I immediately saw the stars blanketed the night sky along with the moon. In this exact moment, I felt myself sitting at peace. At least, just this time, I can feel at ease like I got no problem to think of.

When I was in the middle of my thoughts, a warm cloth was placed on my shoulders. It has the familiar scent that makes feel nostalgic. Memories will replay like it just happened yesterday. It's the scent of the man I wanted to come back to me.

I sighed and focused on looking at the flowers. I just can't utter any word now that he's here because I'm still confused. Why did he follow me? And how did he know that I went here?

He just stood there, maybe still deciding whether to talk to me or not. Either ways, I just ignored his presence. I don't want to have a conversation with him. Just the silent humiliation earlier was enough. I couldn't add on it anymore.

The discomforting situation is too much to handle so I stood up and put the jacket at the bench then turned back, not saying a word but before I could finally take a step, a hand stopped me.

The minute seemed to be so slow that even I can't hear anything. The only thing I could focus was the hand, holding my wrist. I never looked back but I can feel that he's looking at me. I just stood there, with him facing my back.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

If my heart can stop beating, it already did or if it can beat any faster, maybe the sound could already be heard. Those words just made me stuck. I couldn't speak nor think of anything else at this moment. I felt my hands tremble while I gather all my remaining energy to face him.

"The damage has been done," I responded grimly.

That sorry will never change anything. It will never bring back the tears I shed nor the sleepless nights I had. The pain I'm enduring will never disappear with just like a simple sorry. The wound he caused will never heal in just a snap just because he said sorry. So what he just stated was useless as a white-colored pencil on a clean white bond paper.

"I never meant to hurt you—"

"Shut up." I can feel my anger swallowing me. My hands trembled more as I freed myself from his grasp. "The night you made me wait for hours at the park already hurt me. So, are you joking?" I answered sarcastically.

"No, Anvi—"

"I don't want to hear any word from you anymore. I'm...tired."

Before he could even answer back, I immediately headed my way to the dining hall. I'm tired. Really, really tired.

With debilitated shoulders, I walked through the hall while my chest raising up and down because of my heart's constant pounding. I have no idea where did all my courage come from but thank goodness I never lost my strength. Suddenly, another hand grabbed me harshly like he or she wanted to rip my arm from my body. I felt the sharp nails digging on my skin causing for me to shriek in a preventative way.

I turned my head back, only to know that it was Kryzel. Gone was her angelic face and what I'm seeing now is a demon-like version of my cousin. Her eyes enlarged as her expression became fearsome. It seemed like she's ready to kill me any minute by now.

"Don't come near Jof!" she exclaimed.

Her grip tightened as she twists my arm. I can't do anything but to bite my lip and hurt silently.

"I d-didn't! He was the one who—argh!"

I think I will get a bruise...or a wound. It felt like my skin was being ripped wide open because of her nails. What did I do to deserve this? Kryzel, what happened to you? 

A moment later, she let me go unto the floor. The blood is starting to come out from my forearm. I never wished to get wounds from a human's nails. Never.

She took a step closer to me and laughed. "Back off. You're nothing but an ex-girlfriend." Then she turned her back before walking to the garden's direction.

This is too much. For real.