Chapter 1

ANVI

My eyes refused to close.

The crickets and the sound of the leaves dancing quietly with the wind kept me awake. I felt the cold breeze of air from the opened window, hitting my skin as I closed my eyes, still drowning with the deep ocean thought in my mind. My bed felt warm but it can't change the coldness I am feeling at this rate. It makes my spine shiver everytime I remember the moments we've been together: the laughters, the quarrels, as well as the cries. I can feel my heart slowly breaking apart.

It's like I am being stabbed for how many times until my blood runs out. It's like I am walking on the road full of broken glasses that every step I make, hurts me badly. The sobs I have been trying to suppress found their way out as well the tears I have been preventing to shed. 

All I can ask is "How?" I've been thinking about how the things turned out badly; on how this episode of my life became as dark as the room without any glimpse of light. I want to go out. I want to go out to see the light again but the chains attached to my wrists aren't allowing me.

The deep thought vanished after hearing the alarm clock beep. With weak hands, I turned it off and noticed the time. It's 12:51 in the morning. Odd as it is, but this is what I call my dawn routine. I slowly got up and wiped my tears before getting my phone to play the song I'm being attached to.

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know I should move on and continue living my life. I know I should let the memories bury itself from the past as what it should have been. But as much as I wanted to, my heart just goes back and yearn for all of the happy hours we spent. I still can't move forward because I want to go back to change the flow of events. I want to hug him, be with him, and make him love me again like what he did on the first spring. I want to experience them again—only with him.

But the truth just slaps me hard to the point that all I can feel is pain. Truth really hurts that I can feel the bang on my chest which caused a wound that stings so bad. I can't change anything...not even a small difference.

As I click the play button, another set of tears ran down my cheeks as if my eyes were faucets that can let out unlimited amount of tears.

~Scrolling through my cellphone for the 20th time today

Reading that text you sent me again

Though I memorized it anyway~

Text message. That's how he broke up with me without telling his reason. We were going well together and I just can't think of anything that made him resort to such decision. Why? Why did he have to do this? I never did ever imagine this to happen between us 'cause all I know was we're doing fine. I thought we'll be together until the end.

 ~It was an afternoon in December

 When it reminded you of the day

 When we bumped into each other

 But you didn't say hi 'cause I looked away

 And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life

 And maybe I haven't moved on since that night~

The event was still vivid. I was already having an eye for him for the past years but sadly, I can't get a chance to go near him since there are plenty of us who anticipated for his attention. But then, came was the first spring of the year when I saw him picking some flowers from our garden outside the gate. I was enraged of the thought that he's stealing flowers so I threw my slippers at him. That's when interactions had occoured. I smiled at that thought. It was one of the most beautiful spring I had. It was one of the joyful happening in my life that I won't forget. He was the rose that I'll choose to pick again and again despite of its thorns that might hurt me. I'll choose him all over again.

~'Cause it's 12:51 and I thought my feelings were gone

But I'm lying on my bed thinking of you again

And the moon shines so bright but I gotta dry these tears tonight

Cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on any longer~

Another tear escaped that was followed by sobs and whimpers while I'm savoring every lyrics of the song. It feels like it was made especially for me—like it was only written for me to hear.

~And I saw you with her

 Didn't think you'd find another

 And my world just seemed to crash

 Shouldn't have thought that this would last

 And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life

 And maybe I haven't moved on since that night~

And then crap happened. I remember when we agreed to have a date one Saturday night, he made me wait for hours at the park. The wind was already cold and the snow was starting to fall. I waited as I know that if he arrived, all of my sacrifice will be paid off but no one appeared. He texted me, saying he can't make it so I walked home, alone, outside a cold evening. 

What pained me was when I passed by a restaurant and there, I saw him, laughing while holding the hand of someone I knew—someone I never expected to do this to me. My phone beeped and that's when my world shattered apart like a glass being pound by a hammer. The flower withers. The sunny sky became dark. The warm feeling was replaced by coldness which caused my melancholy.

The flash of memories stopped and the song has ended just like what happened to us. Funny, but listening to this song while reminiscing, makes me feel much better and can make me think that none of this is real.

I decided to get up from the bed only to find that the sun already rose. The cold bath I took woke me up though I did not even sleep just for a bit. I went down with my baggy clothes and wet, messy hair, never bothering to check my look before going out. My eyes felt so puffy that I can't even look down.

"Anvi! What in the world have you done?" I was startled by Zilla's loud and pitchy voice that welcomed me when I entered the living room. This is so typical of her and I'm used to it.

"What's for breakfast?" Instead of answering, I diverted the topic to avoid being roasted. Zilla could become a 'Godzilla' if I'll tell her the truth.

"Anvi," she remarked in a warning tone.

Here we go again. I really hate it when she uses that tone of hers. It's like a spell that makes me tell the truth to her which I honestly don't like!

"What?" I answered innocently.

"You cried again," she stated with conviction like it was one of the surest thing in the whole universe and I felt weak for what she said was true. I hate the fact that I cried again because of him and there's no way I can deny it.

"Wake up, Anvi! It's over. You and Jof will never be together again, got that? It's been a month and still, you can't move on? Come on, have a life!" she added.

"I can't do anything! I want to but I just can't, okay? He gave me another kind of happiness that no one can give! I just miss him. His hugs, smiles, and laughters! All of them. I...I have been trying to move on—"

"No, you're not. All you did since you two broke up was to cry at midnight and listen to that damn song! Do you think I'm that dumb? It's not just you who's hurting, Anvi. I'm also hurting for you. I hate seeing you cry. 

I hate hearing your sobs! I'm hurting 'cause you're my sister and I care for you! I am just mad knowing that instead of making some steps to let him go, you're making yourself hold a bit tighter that it already hurts you more!" Her voice echoed as she spoke loudly.

In an instant, my tears made their way out. I lost count on how many times I cried for this day. My hands trembled as I found myself sitting on the floor, crying my heart out. I can't accept the fact that we're done. That the fairytale I am in, ended in just a snap.

I felt Zilla hold my shoulders. "You have to move on. Let it go, Anvi." She then turn her back and went to the kitchen. I followed afterwards since I need to eat to recharge my body from the exhaustion.

I fetched the phone from my pocket and saw a social media status that made my eyes grow bigger. Oh no, there are 20 minutes left!

"Where are you going?" Zilla eyed me when I immediately stood up from my seat. Instead of answering, I went to my room to change my clothes. I should hurry. I need to go there! 

I wore a hoodie jacket and a shirt underneath paired with jogging pants. I chose the sneakers that I bought a day ago for me to feel more comfortable. I was running to the gate when I heard Zilla shout from the front door.

"Anvi!" 

"What?"

Silence. I know she has an idea of what I am going to do. She knows me too well that even a slight twitch of my eyebrow means something.

"Take care of yourself."

I smiled at her statement. She can really make my heart melt just using her simple words. Though sometimes she may be bossy, she's still the best older sister for me since she's the only sister I have.

I bid goodbye before walking away. My feet brought me to the cinema where my target went. The lines for the tickets are long and it will probably take time before I can buy one.

"What do you want to watch, Babe?" The owner of the voice caught my attention. I really know that voice. It was once the voice that asked me the same question. The voice that became a song to my ears. The voice that I am longing to hear.

"Anything will do as long as I'm with you, Babe."

My eyes automatically rolled at the response that I heard. I turned my head to them and now my suspicion is right. Jof is with Kryzel—the city vice mayor's daughter. Her red drop-waist dress complemented with her brown wavy hair while her look became more innocent because of her porcelain skin. 

Then in that moment, my remaining confidence drew off. I just thought that I'm no match to her perfect red lips, white complexion, her curved eyelashes, and to her endearing smile that can easily capture a man's attention. I sighed. No wonder why Jof left me and chose Kryzel instead.

After buying a ticket, I followed them behind while getting irritated of them being too clingy to each other. How could they? Jof already found another woman even though we just broke up? Unbelievable! And why am I even here? Why am I making myself look too desperate? 

No, I'm not desperate. I just want to check what they're doing. No, I'm not a stalker. Absolutely never. They aren't just the one who were privileged to watch a movie. I sat at the back part of the cinema. The movie started in no time and here I am, getting so crapped because of the genre which is horror. Goodness! What have I done to myself?

I was about to kick the space they were sitting on when a creepy woman got out from the closet at the movie's scene! I hate this! Because of fear, I covered my eyes and waited for another nerve-wrecking moment when I heard Kryzel cry exaggeratedly.

"Babe! I'm scared!"

"Don't worry, Love. I'm here."

My eyes drifted to her as I grit my teeth. These guys are so annoying! I hate this! I hate this! A pitchy voice echoed and that's when the same creepy woman earlier showed up. To my surprise, I hugged someone near me. I don't really care who he is! Now I'm regretting on following these douches! 

"Miss? I think you're hugging the wrong person."

My consciousness came back when I heard someone speak. The only thing that's covering my face was the hoodie. Oh dear. This isn't nice.

"S-sorry," I stuttered and cut the hug.

This isn't my first time hugging someone but this is embarassing on so many level! I looked down, thinking about some possible excuses or ways to get away with this situation. I really shouldn't have done it.

"I think I know you." My eyes grew bigger because of his statement.

No way. This isn't a good sign. I must get out now! I was about to stand up and go but a hand held my wrist. I pressed my eyes close as I felt him pulling me.

"No! You don't know me. I just...bought the wrong ticket!" What a nice excuse! Goodness!

"Of course I do know you." The chance of covering my face had slipped from my grasp when he slid down my hoodie. Crap! I covered my face with my hands but my strength had no match to him so obviously, my face was revealed.

"Anvi?"

Great, here it is.

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12:51 by Krissy and Ericka