7 The Revelation

Waking up beside someone you love can be the most wonderful thing in the world. I realized I missed a lot of things in my life. I wonder how my life would have been if I were more outgoing, and friendlier. Seeing Lance beside me makes me feel so young again, and having these feelings makes me feel safe, that nothing can hurt nor harm me.

I watched him sleeping for a few minutes, just staring at his face and how broad his shoulders are. This is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I just hope I am not the only one who's taking things seriously.

I was not able to tell him all the doubts I had. I was not able to clear things up with his relationship but it doesn't matter. I trust him and I think, that's all that matters.

I got up from bed not feeling well. I have muscle pain everywhere, so I decided to call in sick. I usually don't get absent from work since for me, work is my life and that is the only thing that's making me busy.

I started preparing breakfast. I checked my fridge for things I can use. I have eggs, milk and bread so I decided to make omelet and toasted sliced bread. I was preparing coffee when Lance went out from the room, already dressed.

"Good morning." He said. "Did you sleep well?"

"Good morning. Yeah, I slept soundly. Are you leaving now? I'm preparing breakfast."

"I have to go, I need to do something at home."

"Is it something urgent? I decided to stay home today. I can help you with what you have to do if you want." I was expecting he would say yes or maybe he could stay longer.

"No! I'm okay. I just need to be home. I will see you later." He then put his shoes on and left.

I was speechless but I tried to understand him. Maybe he is just busy and I'm sure he will call me later or I will call him, either way is okay.

I went back to the kitchen and continued to prepare breakfast. And since I am alone now, I can eat it until lunch or even dinner since I was preparing food for two people.

I was busy in the kitchen when my phone rang. I got the phone as fast as I can hoping that it is Lance. But to my dismay, it is Annie. Don't get me wrong, I like Annie but of course I would be happier if it is Lance.

"Hello."

"What happened to you? Are you okay? I heard you are sick. Did you take medicine? What do you feel?" She seemed worried.

"I'm okay. I have muscle pain. I think I will have flu." I lied.

"I was worried because you don't usually get absent from work. I know how you love working. I remember one time, you were really sick but you still came to the office."

"I'm okay, really. I just think it is better for me to take a rest today. How's everything there?"

"Everything is okay but I'm sure Mr. Smith will be upset not to see you around. You know how much he relies on you." Mr. Smith is our manager who always gives me something to do. Sometimes, he even asks me things that are not part of my job description. But I never complained.

"Haha! Never mind him. I'm sure he will give me much paperwork tomorrow."

"Have you asked Lance about what I told you? What did he say?"

"I didn't have a chance to ask him and I never talked to him recently. I will ask him next time. I'm sure he will tell me if he is in a relationship." I lied but I thought it was the best way to reassure her. Now, all I have is trust in him. I don't have any doubts that he also likes me the way I like him.

"Anyway, I just called to ask how you are. I will miss you in the office. You know you're the only person I want to talk to in here."

"We will meet tomorrow and don't sound like I will not go back there anymore."

"Okay then, bye. See you."

End of call.

After my call with Annie, I made myself busy by cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry. I am not feeling so well but I also can't take a nap. I keep checking my phone for messages from Lance but it is already afternoon and I still didn't get anything from him.

I want to call him, but I don't want to disturb him or something.

An hour passed, 4 pm, still no message from him so I decided to send him a message instead.

"Hi. How's everything?"

End of message.

30 minutes has passed and still I didn't get any reply and he didn't even read my message. I tried calling him but no answer.

I was already starting to overthink. What if he really has a girlfriend and they are together now so he can't answer me. Or maybe he doesn't have plans to meet me anymore. It was just a one-night-stand for him.

I am really tired now.

Though I am emotionally not okay, I decided to sleep. I hope when I wake up, he already replied to my message. There must be an explanation why he is not answering.

…

I have so many doubts now. Doubts about my feelings, my actions, my thoughts and about Lance. I fell asleep waiting for his message. I got up still receiving nothing from him.

I tried calling him, but still, no one picked up. Did I do something bad? Have I said something wrong? Was it because we already had sex so he doesn't care about me anymore? What happened?

I was very uneasy the whole time and I can't think clearly. What if something happened to him? It has not been a week and many things happened. I hope this won't end like this.

The time passed without any sign of him. No message. No call. Nothing. I wanted to shout that time. I wanted to know what happened but I cannot do anything. I wanted to cry but it seems I don't have the energy.

9 pm. I tried watching Kdrama to distract myself from thinking about him.

9:30 pm. I still can't choose what movie or drama series to watch.

10 pm. I gave up and tried calling him again. He didn't pick up.

10:30 pm. The feeling of anger turned into worry. What if something really happened to him? Then my phone rang. It is Lance.

"Hello." I picked the phone up. "What happened to you? Why aren't you replying and why didn't you pick my calls up?"

"Haha! Do you expect me to call you immediately? After everything you have done to me? Are you nuts?"

I was puzzled. What is he talking about? We were okay last night until this morning. What happened?

"Are you drunk?" I asked.

"So what is it with you if I am drunk?"

"Where are you? I can go where you are. Are you okay? Who are you with?" I started becoming worried about him.

"I am okay. I was already okay without you. Why did you come back and bring back all the bad memories I had when you left me?" It seemed like he is about to cry.

"I don't understand what you are talking about. Let's meet. Then we can talk about it, okay?"

"You were the only one I had before. You were the only one who I went to when I had problems, when people made fun of me. We used to be always there for each other. You said you would send letters. I wrote letters every day, hoping that one day I would be able to send them to you but how could I send them? I didn't even know your address. No letters arrived. Now, do you know how I felt expecting for something that didn't come? You are lucky I have conscience. I cannot ignore you for a long time." He explained.

"I am sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were waiting for me. I really planned to send you letters. Please let's meet or you can come in my place. Let's talk about it okay?" I was already begging.

"I don't want to see you again. I can't see you anymore. I should be mad at you. I shouldn't be calling you now actually."

"Let's meet okay. I can explain everything. I will tell you my reasons why I couldn't write you letters. Meet me and you will understand. Please."

"I don't understand why I still love you. Why did I feel happy to see you? I already moved on from you. I already have Angie. I already found the love of my life. And so, I thought. Then here you are, making me confused again."

So, it is true. He already has a girlfriend. He was just meeting me because he wanted to have his revenge. He wanted me to feel the pain he got when I left him. He cannot forgive me for breaking my promise.

I don't know whether I will be angry at him or not. Or should I be angry at myself more? I didn't know that falling in love includes so much drama. I already saw it in one of the Korean dramas I watched before.

"I wrote letters for you every day. I was writing all the things that happened to me. I keep all the letters until now. I even write a diary even at my age, I was hoping I can show them to you one day. My mom and I had to move from one house to another often. We had to stay in a place for a week, sometimes 2 weeks and sometimes only a few days. And when we were finally settled, I sent you some of my letters but they were sent back to me. Did I answer your question?" I explained.

"Is that true?"

"Of course, but it doesn't matter anymore. I hope you can finally forget about it and be happy with your girlfriend. I hope we won't see each other again." Then I hung up.

I knew it. I trusted him so easily. I gave in so easily. Anyway, it was not too long. I should consider it as a good memory. It was fun though it was short.

I can't feel anger towards Lance. I guess it was a misunderstanding. I know we cared for each other when we were young. I remember we even promised that we would marry each other someday. I guess it was a stupid promise, a childish one.

I am happy I was able to clear things up with him. I decided to just sleep and forget about everything.

Tomorrow will be a new day for me. Tomorrow, I will be better. And tomorrow will be the start of a new version of me.