Chapter five - Will the past repeat itself again

Cara's POV

"Katherine." I said, my voice came low.

I was so afraid she heard what we said.

Her eyes flicked from me to my Dad's retreating figure, "What was he doing here ?" She asked.

Did she hear anything ?

Oh god, I hope she didn't.

I licked my dry lips; I didn't know what I should say.

Should I lie ? Again ?

At my silence, her eyebrows pulled together, she inched closer, "I heard you tell him that you hate him." She said, her hand traveled to my arm, "Is he bothering you again?" She added sympathetically.

Oh, so she didn't hear everything.

I hope so.

I shook my head and forced a smile, "It's nothing." I simply said.

She probably got that I don't want to talk about it, so instead of asking further she just inched closer and wrapped her arms around me.

I hugged her back, my hold tighter than ever as another heartbreaking realization dawned on me.

I am not just leaving Alex, I am leaving her too.

After this one week, I won't see her as well.

We pulled away, my hand directly went to my cheek to wipe the traitor tears.

"Oh come on, don't cry." She said then arched an eyebrow, "I am the one who always cries at everything not you." She said with a playful tone.

I shook my head and smiled.

"Let's go back before Alex drives Ashton crazy." She said as she tugged on my arm.

I nodded, made sure to wipe all my tears away as we walked back toward Alex's room.

I opened the door an-

"It is."

"It is not."

"Yes, shut up, it is."

"No, it's not."

"It is it is it is it is it is." Alex repeated like a kid, "F*ck you, because it is."

My eyebrows pulled together as i looked at Katherine, "What in hell they're arguing about ?"

She shrugged and looked confused as well, "I have no idea."

"I said it is not." Ashton said ever so-seriously. Both so into their conversation that they didn't even notice us entering.

Alex huffed, "It is, you stubborn bimbo."

"What did you just call me ?" Ashton said as he narrowed his eyes.

We directly walked closer toward them trying to make sense of what they're arguing about.

"What is happening ?" Katherine said looking between the both of them.

Alex head directly snapped toward me, "Oh here is my Cupcakes." He said with a relieved sigh, "Babe an eggplant is strong, right?" He asked.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Eggplant ? Strong ?

What the f*ck he is talking about ?

"It is not." Ashton shot back.

"Katherine can you just f*ck your husband and tell him to shut up." Alex said, after he sent a glare toward Ashton.

"What are you guys even arguing about ?" I asked again, still confused, they look pretty much into it.

"So, if vegetables went into a fight, who you think would win ?" Alex said, "Definitely an eggplant."

He shrugged, "It is the strongest."

"It is no-" Ashton tried to say.

"IT IS." Alex said interrupting him.

What the-

I looked at the crazy man i call a husband with my mouth hanged open then back at Ashton then back at my stupid husband then back at Ashton.

Still shocked.

They're seriously arguing about which vegetable is the strongest !

Oh, sweet lord.

Men. I truly don't understand them.

I face-palmed and looked at Katherine, i shook my head, "What did we get ourselves into."

She shook her head as well and looked at Ashton with an unbelievable expression, "I expected that from Alex but not from you."

"I know right !" Alex exclaimed, "He can't accept that eggplants are the strongest."

"It is not." Ashton shot back.

"Can we please stop talking about vegetables." I said, my eyes wide as i looked between these two crazy men.

No wonder they're friends.

Hot faces, but stupid minds.

"It's still the strongest." Alex mumbled with a low voice, i shot him a glare, he mumbled something else and crossed his hands over his chest.

After a while, a nurse came and brought Alex lunch, he made me feed him, that's for sure. As if he broke his hands or anything.

Smug spoiled idiot.

"Aww look at this." Katherine suddenly said as she showed Ashton some picture on her phone.

"What ? Is it a pic of your boobs?" Alex said, "I want to see too."

I directly pushed the spoon into his mouth to shut him up.

Katherine ignored his stupid question and shook her head, "No it's a picture of an old man eating in a restaurant, it says he always brings a picture of his dead wife and place it beside him as he eat."

"Isn't that so sweet." She added with a dreamy voice.

Alex started laughing beside me, "That's so Ashton." He said still laughing, "He would definitely do that."

"Aww baby, you would do that?" Katherine said looking at Ashton with her puppy eyes.

He grimaced and shook his head, "No." he just said.

Katherine's smile dropped and she shot him a glare, I heard her mutter a jerk, or something like that as she leaned against her seat.

"Would you do it ?" I asked Alex as I handed him a cup of water and removed the tray of food away.

He took a sip from the cup, he pursed his lips as if thinking it through, then he said, "Nope."

"What kind of idiot do that." He added, "Ashton that's for sure, because he is an idiot." He shrugged.

"You won't miss me if I died ?" I asked, pouting like a kid.

"Probably just the first two to three days." He said and shrugged, "Then I will find someone else and forget about you." He added nonchalantly.

I directly slapped his arm making him spill water over himself. He chuckled , "I am kidding. I am kidding." He said as he tried to catch my hand.

I kept on glaring at him, i huffed and turned my head away from him.

Idiot.

Idiot or not, you're still madly in love with him.

True, true-

Katherine like me was trying to ignore Ashton, but he pulled her toward him and whispered something in her ear.

Her frown was directly replaced by a smile. She looked back at him; the genuine love obvious in her eyes.

"Pfft." Alex muttered then let a bored sigh, "Look how they stare at each other." He shook his head, "They make me feel sick."

"Why do I feel you're jealous ?" I said as i narrowed my eyes.

"WHAT ? ME ?" He said, his eyes widened, he looked at them, his lips twitched into a smirk, "I am sure if Katherine met me first, she would've never loved Ashton."

Smug idiot.

"I can't say the same about your wife." Ashton said with a playful smile as he looked at me, "Remember when you slapped me the first time we met ?"

Katherine chuckled and i felt my face turning red. Damn i totally forgot that.

Thinking about it now, i feel so embarrassed.

Those were days.

It feels like ages ago.

"Wait what ?" Alex said bewildered, "When did you slap him ? Why I don't know about that ? What the f*ck !"

"You too met Ashton before me ?" He asked with his eyes wide. He then looked at Ashton, he took the pillow from beside him and threw it at him, "Why all girls meet you first !"

Ashton caught the pillow then threw it again at Alex.

"Stupid bimbo." Alex muttered as he kept on glaring at him.

"Stop calling me that !" Ashton said looking annoyed.

"Now tell me, tell me when did you slap him and why ?" Alex said looking between us.

"Uh- it is- uh." I stuttered unable to form a sentence. I cleared my throat and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"It was when Katherine was still working for Ashton." I started.

"I went to pick up Katherine for the business trip." Ashton continued, he broke into a smile and looked at Katherine, "Remember how you opened the door wrapped just in a towel screaming something about tampons."

I couldn't contain my laugh while Katherine blushed, "Definitely not going to forget that." She mumbled with a low voice.

"WHA- WHAT WHA-" Alex said loudly, looking like someone just kicked him in the balls, "WHAT ? WHATT ? YOU SAW HER JUST WITH A TOWEL ?"

Oh god.

"Why these things never happen to me ?" He said with a sad tone and laid back on the bed. "Lucky stupid bimbo." He mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah so I came to Katherine's house and he was there and-"I continued.

"You called me hot, don't forget that." Ashton said interrupting me.

Oh f*ck.

Do you have to mention that now ?

"WHATTT ?" Alex said- i mean screamed.

"YOU CALLED HIM HOT ?" His eyes widened even more, they gonna pop out, i am sure.

"WHA- WHY LIKE HOW I MEAN WHAT ?" He added. Damn he is not going to shut up anytime soon.

"WHY I AM DISCOVERING NEW THINGS TODAY?"

Can you stop screaming please?

He looked at me and gave me one of his dangerous glares- which is so not dangerous. He even looks cuter when he is angry.

"Just wait till I get out of this hospital gown and i will show you who is hot." He added as he narrowed his eyes.

"Anyway-" I said hoping to change the conversation a bit, "I asked Ashton who he is and when he told me his name, I just slapped him."

Alex furrowed his eyebrows, "What's so wrong about Ashton's name ?"

Oh god. Can he be anymore stupid !

"I mean- you know about- uh." I didn't know how to say it in a nice way. I didn't feel like bringing those days back. I am sure neither Katherine nor Ashton would be comfortable with it.

And i was right, because i saw how Ashton's smile faded as he nervously shifted in his seat.

"About what ?" Alex asked again. Can he not figure it out already?

I kept silent and so did they but Alex- being the idiot he is , he didn't shut up.

"About what ?" He asked again.

"Alex can you sh-"

"About Chase." Ashton answered interrupting me.

Alex muttered a low ohh and finally decided to shut up.

Katherine directly placed her hand over Ashton's and held it tightly, probably trying to tell him that it's okay.

Everyone kept silent for a while after.

Talk about awkward situations huh? All thanks to stupid Alex.

"Damn I wish I was there to see you get slapped." Alex was the first to break the tensed silence, "And to see Katherine wrapped just in a towel." He added as he sent a wink toward Katherine, "We would've-"

"Shut up." Ashton directly muttered with a glare, probably knowing where Alex was going with this.

"So, my wife slapped you and your wife kicked my balls." Alex said.

"Woah mate what did we marry into !" He added trying to lighten the mood.

Katherine chuckled, "Yeah sorry about that."

"Tell that to my balls sweetheart." Alex said and shook his head, "I couldn't have sex for a week."

"Okay come on, don't blame me, Cara was all crying telling me you broke up and well i know your fuckboy history, so I thought you did something." Katherine said trying to explain.

"Well believe me sweetheart, all guys have a fuckboy history." Alex said with a nod.

Katherine shook her head, "Not everyone, Ashton doesn't." She said as she looked at him, that was enough to bring the smile back to Ashton's lips.

Alex started laughing, "Oh yeah right, definitely !" He said sarcastically.

"Do you not remember the strip club we used to go to ?" Alex added with a chuckle.

Wait what-

My brain can seriously not handle more of this.

"What ?" Katherine said with wide eyes.

"No no, no, don't believe him." Ashton said, his eyes widened, he directly started defending himself.

But well, Katherine being her, she started fighting with him again.

I shook my head and looked at Alex beside me, he looked back at me with a smile over his lips.

"So, you used to go to a strip club ?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, a small smirk formed over his lips, "But none of them knows how to strip like you cupcakes." He said, his voice low, just for me to hear.

I inched my face closer, "I feel like stripping something off you right now."

"Like what ?" He asked, the smirk still plastered over his perfectly kissable lips.

"Like Alex junior down there." I said with a threatening tone.

That made him chuckle, he shook his head, his smirk changed into a smile, "I love you." He said out of the blue, his words so genuine, "Just for being you."

I won't say my heart didn't melt a bit, because it did.

But at the same time, it broke a bit as well.

Ashton and Katherine left after because it was getting late. She told me to leave home as well and Ashton can stay with Alex, but I didn't accept, I don't want to waste any moment with being away from him.

The doctor told us that Alex can be discharged in the morning, and to that I was glad.

Alex was getting tired, so I turned off the TV and helped him lie down.

"You should've gone home." He said as I placed the blanket over his body. I just shook my head.

"You won't be comfortable here." He added, I shot him a glare, "I am." I said. "Stop talking and sleep."

"Come sleep beside me." He said as he extended one of his arms.

I shook my head, "I won't fit." I said, "With my big belly and all."

He shot me a glare, "You always fit in my arms."

"Come here." He added with a serious tone.

"Come to daddy." He added with a wink.

And i thought he was being serious.

I shook my head and did as he said, he directly wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, our faces inches apart.

"Where is my kiss ?" He asked arching an eyebrow, "I didn't get any today."

My lips curved a small smile, I inched my face closer closing the small gap and pressed my lips over his.

My heartbeats accelerated and a tingling feeling rose in my stomach.

How much am I going to miss this. I wondered.

This closeness, that I can hear his heartbeats and feel his warmth.

This weird giddy feeling that warms my heart. This happiness.

Will I ever be happy again ?

We broke the kiss; Alex rested his forehead over mine. I opened my eyes to see this beautiful heart melting smile over his lips.

This smile- how can my day go without seeing it.

Alex's hand cupped my cheek, his thumb lightly brushed over my lips.

I sucked in a deep breath unable to handle all these overwhelming feelings. The sour ache still in my heart since the morning.

"You know that I didn't mean what i said today, right ? ." Alex said, I directly shook those thoughts away as i gave him my attention.

"About the- death thing." He added, his tone serious.

His hand traveled and tucked the loosened strand of my hair behind my ear, it stayed there as he talked further, "I can't live without you, and if anything would happen to you, i am sure I won't just hold your pic and walk around, I would definitely enter a mental hospital as well." He said with a weak smile.

"I can't handle the thought of you getting hurt." He said, "Today when that man was holding a gun near you, I lost my mind."

My eyes dropped down unable to meet his eyes more- afraid I may just break down and tell him everything.

I just wanted him to stop.

Because it hurts. It hurts knowing i have all this, but i have to walk away from it.

I have to break his heart and mine by my own hands.

"I know I am always laughing and joking and all but before you, I wasn't happy." He said as he pressed his lips over my forehead, "I never was, not until you came to my life."

"There was always this void, this emptiness in my life. I always tried to fill it you know, with girls, with partying, alcohol, work, everything. But that never worked and suddenly you came, and i never felt it again."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes trying my best to suppress the tears.

His hand went to my chin and lifted up so I can meet his eyes.

"I don't have parents; I don't have a family." He said, his expression so serious and kind of pained, "But you're my family Cara."

My heart squeezed harder. Please stop.

I couldn't handle it so i let the tears free. I let them go, maybe they'll take this pain and guilt away with them.

I directly buried my face in his chest, his hand tightened around me, "Cara, baby what's wrong ?" He asked as he gently stroked my hair.

"I am scared." I said through my tears.

"Scared of what ?" He asked but I kept silent.

Scared of losing you.

Scared of hurting you.

Scared of living without you.

"Shush." He said when my cries increased. He kissed my head and took my face in his hand forcing me to look at him.

I sniffled as his hand wiped my tears away.

He didn't ask further and to that i was grateful.

"When you go out of the hospital and you become better, can I visit my mom ?" I asked out of the blue.

His eyebrows furrowed but he nodded anyway, "Sure."

"Is it because of your father ?" He asked.

I nodded, "I just want to ask her about few things."

I need to know more about my father.

I need to know where I am leaving and why I should leave.

Maybe my mother has the answer.

Maybe.

I looked at Alex and forced a smile, "Sleep, you must be tired."

He nodded and kissed my forehead again, "You too."

I snuggled deeper in his embrace giving my heart a break, trying to savor every moment.

"You agree with me that eggplant is the strongest, right ?" He suddenly asked breaking the silence that settled between us.

I chuckled and nodded, "Yes."

He will never change.

And that's what i love about him.

Two days later

We just arrived to New York, our plane landed few minutes ago.

I came to visit my mom; Alex came along with me. He didn't accept me coming alone.

"Are you okay ?" Alex suddenly asked, I directly turned my face toward him, "Yeah." I said as I nervously shifted in the car seat.

"You're sure ?" He asked looking at me warily then turned his head toward the road.

"Yeah." I said and forced a smile.

Silence settled between us during the rest of the car ride, it was kind of weird. Alex is never silent.

But for the past two days, He would ask if I am okay, if there is anything bothering me because I am acting differently but I would just laugh it off and tell him it's nothing.

When the car stopped, I was pulled out of my thoughts. Alex parked it and then we went down.

The butler opened the door and let us in. I took in a breath as I looked around the house. It's been really long since I last came here.

A smile made its way to my lips when i saw my little stepbrother, his eyes lightened, he screamed , "Cara !" And ran toward me.

I knelt down and hugged him as well, "Jared !" I said.

"How are you?" I asked.

His smile was so big as he pulled away, "I am fine." He said, "I missed you."

"Me too little boy." I said as I ruffled his hair. He grimaced, "I am not little." He said annoyed.

"As you say." I said with a low chuckle then stood up when I saw my mom and Steve-my stepdad walking toward us.

Her lips curved a beautiful smile as she walked closer, I didn't waste a second as I directly threw my arms around her and hugged her.

It's hard to live in different cities sometimes. I hadn't seen her since the wedding.

"How's my girl ?" She asked, I felt my hold tighten around her before i decided to let go.

"I am fine." I said, "How are you mom ?"

"Now I am great." She said, "I am so glad you came."

"Where is my hug ?" Alex asked, my Mom's eyes flicked toward him, her smile widened, "And here is my favorite boy."

Alex inched closer and hugged her as well, "Looking hot as always." He said with a wink making her chuckle.

Steve chuckled as well, "Don't flirt with my wife." He said faking seriousness.

He then looked at me, "How are you Cara ?" He asked with a smile, I nodded, "I am fine."

Steve is a good man. I was never so close to him, but I sure owe him a lot, he gave us a home after all, without him I would've not gotten into university and continued my studies. He loves my mom; he takes care of her.

But even with that, I was always distant from him, I couldn't have the father-daughter bond with him. It felt weird. I was kind of mean to him, when he just wanted to get closer to me, i would push him away. My mom would tell me to be a little nicer, tell me he is like a father to me, but I won't accept, because deep inside I knew I had only one father, and i knew he would come back.

But how wrong I was.

Steve gave me everything my real dad failed to.

I shook my head shaking these thoughts away.

Steve took Alex to show him something, I didn't hear what, businessmen always click i can see.

Whereas my mom and I went to the living room.

"So, tell me how's pregnancy going ?Did you know the gender yet ?" She directly asked looking excited.

I shook my head, "Last time we went it wasn't clear, but we have an appointment in few days, probably gonna figure it out then."

She let out a dreamy sigh, "I can't wait to see my first grandchild."

"You're making me feel old but still." She said with a shrug.

"I got so happy when you said you're coming to visit." She added placing her hand over mine, "I really miss my girl."

I smiled and nodded, my gaze dropped down as I nervously fidget with my fingers, I decided it is time to let it out, "Dad came back." I said as I lifted my head.

Her eyes widened, her body tensed, "Wha- what ?" She asked bewildered, "When ?"

"Few days ago, he came knocking on my door." I said, her eyes widened more, she looked literally shocked.

"Why ? What did he want ? What did he say ?" She asked.

I shook my head, "Mom i need you to honestly answer me, please." I said, "Why you told him to leave ? What happened ?"

Her lips parted but nothing came out, she shook her head and looked away.

"Please mom." I said, "I need answers."

"What did he tell you ?" She asked again.

"He said you told him to leave." I said, "To protect me."

She nodded, "That's the truth."

"Protect me from what ?" I asked, my voice begging her to tell me answers.

"From him." She just said.

"What do you mean ?"

She pressed her lips into a thin line, her hand curled into a fist, she looked down and let out a tired sigh, "Why he had to come now." She muttered with a low voice, more to herself not to me.

"I can handle it, tell me, i am not a kid anymore." I said trying to get her to tell me what she knows.

She lifted her head and looked at me, "Cara- you were still little when one day i- i saw, i saw your dad, he-"

"He what ?" I said when she couldn't continue.

She shook her head, her voice trembled a bit as she talked, it's like i am bringing the pain of that memory back, " He killed someone. Right in front of my eyes."

She shook her head again, "He killed him with no remorse, no guilt or whatsoever."

"I didn't see your dad that time, I didn't see the man I fell in love with-- I saw a monster." She added.

"He did it before, he does it every day, killing is a part of his job."

I swallowed hard, a part of me knew this part, he wanted to kill Alex for god's sake, just to get me to agree to his order.

I can see the monster she saw.

And I don't blame her.

"I was shocked at first, I asked, I asked him why and what, I needed answers, but he didn't give me any.

Things started to change between us, he was always away, rarely comes to home but I did nothing, I didn't want to lose him, because i knew that he was still there, the man I first met was still there."

She shook her head and a single tear escaped her eye, she directly wiped it away, "But when you became in danger because of him, i knew i had to do something."

"What do you mean i became in danger ?" I asked, because my father said the same thing.

"You don't remember." She said, more of a statement rather than a question.

"Some men came to our home and they-- kidnapped you, they took you away from me." Her voice shook, she took a breath to calm herself, "For more than a week, we knew nothing about where you are or what happened to you.

I went crazy, you were my only little girl, but when your father was able to find these men and find you, I knew I had to put an end to everything."

"I gave him two choices, us , or whatever messed up world he deals with." She said, "And we all know what he chose."

I looked at my lap, at my trembling hands, the ache in my heart just intensified with every word.

"I know i took your father away from you, but believe me Cara, i did it to protect you." She added with a weak voice. I shook my head, "I don't blame you for anything." I said as few tears scrolled down my cheek.

If he wanted us, he would've chosen us.

"You really loved him." I said out of the blue.

"I did." She said, "But he didn't deserve it."

"How you were able to do it ?" I asked as I wiped my tears away, "Live without the man you love, was it hard ?"

I wanted to know what will happen when I am going to leave Alex.

Will I be able to do it ?

"I didn't handle it well." She said with a weak smile.

"I don't remember everything." I said and shook my head, "But I remember that when he left, i stayed at my aunt's for months and I would rarely see you."

"I didn't want you to see my like that." She said, "You were still young, I didn't want you to see your mom drinking her aśs off every day, crying her eyes out.

I lost everything, my job, my house, my s-"

She suddenly stopped and didn't continue, as if she was going to say something she wasn't supposed to.

She shook her head, "I am sorry."

"I just wanted to give you a good life." She added, "A normal one."

"Maybe i failed in doing that but-"

"No mom you didn't." I directly interrupted her and inched closer and hugged her, "You took the right choice."

She hugged me back, "Don't let him into your life Cara." She said making me pull away.

"Don't put yourself in danger."

I don't have a choice mom.

He is going to hurt them. I have to.

"Don't trust him." She added.

I don't.

"I don't know why he came back now; we had a deal." She added, anger evident in her voice.

"Did he tell you anything else ?" She asked, a weird look in her eyes, as if she knows something I don't.

My eyebrows pulled together and i shook my head, "Is there something else i need to know about ?" I asked.

I saw her swallow hard, nervously fidgeting with her hands, she shook her head, "No."

My eyes flickered to the window when i heard Alex's laugh, he was standing with Steve both laughing about something.

My eyes went back to mom, she was also looking at them.

I debated with myself whether I should tell her about what i always felt, since i was little.

"You don't love him." The words left my mouth without my permission.

Her head directly snapped toward me; her eyes widened a bit.

"You don't look at him the same way you used to look at dad." I added.

"Cara, no, I love Steve, he is-"

"Mom there is no need to pretend anymore." I said and shook my head, "There is no need to fake your happiness, I can see it."

She licked her lips and looked back at him, " But he loves me, he takes care of me, he accepted me, he accepted you, he gave us a home, a life, what else would I ask for ?"

"But still you never loved him."

"Sometimes love is not everything." She said, her tone bitter. "I loved your dad, but what did i get from that?"

"But you're not happy." I added, it's just I hated seeing her like this. Always faking her smile, her laugh, faking her happiness, so she won't affect the people around her.

"Happiness never lasts." She said.

"Yes, I know what do you want to say that I was happy with your father, I know but for how long?" She said she shook her head, I saw pain her eyes, I know the past still have its effect over her, "It was temporary."

"Steve never hurt me, he would never hurt me, I am sure." She paused for a while.

"Sometimes you should be with the one who loves you, not the one you love."

My chest tightened as her words hit something in me.

But I love Alex, and I know he loves me too.

He never hurt me before. I am sure he would never do.

I am the one who's going to hurt him.

How can I make him hate me, so it would be easier?

How can I let him go, so he can let me go too?

My mom was the victim to my dad's actions.

And now Alex would be the victim to my own actions.

To be honest-

It's not the future I am afraid of. It's the fear of the past repeating itself that hunts me and scares me to death.