Chapter 11

I wanted to date someone. In fact, I wanted to be loved. I was so desperate that I would even settle for someone pretending to love me.

Because I didn't have much time left.

I had no intention of wasting my precious time on unworthy things.

I smiled at him and said, "It's none of your business."

I went back to my car and started driving again. To my surprise, Dixon opened the door and hopped in while the car was moving, which was extremely dangerous. I pressed on the brake hard and couldn't help but shout at him, "Are you crazy? You could get hurt!"

There was not a trace of fear on his face. I stared at him with a glacial look. I was about to tell him to get out of my car when he said, "Are you still in love with me?"

It sounded like a question but I thought he knew the answer.

What a shameless person! In three months, he was going to marry someone else, yet he was sitting in my car and asking whether I still loved him.

"Does he really think he can do whatever he wants?"

Looking back, I knew it had been my fault. I had exposed myself completely in front of him, giving him the chance to strike at my weak spot.

I was the one to blame. I had loved him with all my heart and soul.

Now, when I told people that I had moved on, nobody believed me.

"Well, I am. What about it? Does that make you sick?"

There was nothing to hide, so I just told the truth. My laugh was genuine because the situation was amusing in nature.

Dixon narrowed his eyes. "Drive back to your place."

"Aren't you getting out?" I asked.

He replied in a low voice, "No, I'll go with you."

It took me less than a second to tell him, "No, thanks. I don't feel like taking you to my house."

"Then let's go to my place."

Tired from the entanglement, I gave up and followed his instructions. We arrived at his house. He got out of the car and dragged me into the villa by my wrist. The entire place had been tidied up and covered with white sheets, making it look lifeless and depressing.

Dixon let me go and pulled off the sheets from the furniture. I went to sit on the sofa and he poured me a glass of warm water in the kitchen.

Feeling the warmth in my hand, I was somewhat lost.

"What does he want?"

The afternoon sun shed its light through the window, making me feel warm and cozy. Dixon took off all the sheets and started cleaning the villa without uttering a word.

Neither of us spoke and soon the evening fell. Dixon came downstairs after a shower. He had changed into a light-colored sweater and his hair was still wet.

I watched him sit down opposite me. He looked at me and asked in a gentle voice, "What do you want for dinner?"

I had always known that he was a good-looking man, but he had always looked so indifferent to me. This gentle and caring look was beyond my imagination.

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry."

He frowned a little bit. "How can you skip dinner?"

Stunned, I didn't even think before answering, "You don't have to pretend that you care."

He looked surprised by my reply and put on a wry look. "Was I really that mean to you?"

We had been married for three years and I wouldn't say that he had been mean to me. It had been even worse than that.

It had been three years of cold violence.

It had been rare to have him around, but ironically, he had been present to force me to get an abortion...

I would be lying if I said that I hadn't hated him for that. However, I loved him as much as I hated him.

It had taken me years to get over this trauma. I hadn't forgiven him for what he had done to me, but I didn't hate him anymore. I had simply let go. In the last days of one's life, many things would fade away. Those hurtful things we had experienced would become nothing more than a distant memory.

I sighed and smiled at him. "No, you weren't."

The doorbell rang at that moment, so Dixon went to open the door.

He came back with some ingredients for cooking with which he had ordered online.

I asked out of curiosity, "Are you going to cook?"

"Yeah. You like carp, right?"

I was a little bit stunned but I still nodded. "That's right."

However, I had never liked carp. Gwen Worth was the one who enjoyed it.

She had met with me before leaving Wu City. She stared at me with a pitiful look and said, "Do you know why Dixon likes carp? It's because I do. He always tries to make himself appreciate whatever I like. That's how much he cares about me. You'll see, Caroline Shaw. It's the happiest thing in the world to be loved by him. However, if he resents you, then you'll become the most miserable woman in the world. The man you love is the most cold-hearted man in nature."

I hadn't felt like admitting my love for him. "Who said that I love him?"

She had sounded surprised. "Then, why are you marrying him?"

I had hated to see her smirk, so I had lied. "People like us care about the status of our partner's family. The Gregg family and the Shaw family could be amazing together. That's why I'm marrying him."

I didn't know whether she had believed me back then. However, during the years of our marriage, I had always prepared a carp soup for Dixon whenever he had come home for dinner. I had tried to win his heart with my dumb little effort.

In the end, he had assumed that I was the one who liked carp.

However, none of that mattered anymore.

Dixon went to the kitchen to cook. I went upstairs to my old room and changed into a thin sweater that had been left there. I took two painkillers before going downstairs.

Bored of waiting in the living room, I stood right outside the kitchen and watched Dixon as he was preparing dinner.

The violet light in the kitchen added to the gentleness of his silhouette.

He was too tall for the kitchen table, so he bent down a little bit to cut the vegetables on the chopping board. His slender fingers looked delicate while holding the kitchen knife. I was so absorbed in the scene that I became very emotional when I finally pulled myself together. I told myself it was only because I had never seen him like this at home.

Every single move of his stirred up weird feelings in me, mainly sadness.

I had loved him for nine years, and six years of them secretly. He had never responded to my love. I asked myself whether I had to carry that sorrow to the end of my life.

I found it so unfair.

Dixon made two dishes and a soup.

I tried a piece of the fish. He stared at me eagerly as I chewed on it slowly. I smiled at him. "It's delicious."

"The fish was frozen. It would have been even better if it was fresh."

I shook my head and said, "It's already good enough."

Why would I care if the ingredients were fresh or not?

I would like anything he made.

It took me a long time to finish my meal. Dixon had finished two bowls of rice and put down his chopsticks. He sat there quietly and waited for me.

He only stood up to get the dishes and chopsticks to wash after I was done with my food.

I waited for him to come out of the kitchen and told him that I was leaving. He stood in silence for a while, staring at me with a complicated look on his face. He asked me in a low voice, "Do you have to leave so soon?"

His question amused me. "Why would I stay here?"

"It used to be your home."

It was true that I had lived here for three years. I was not afraid to admit that I had missed it after the divorce.

I tried to force a smile but failed. "I thought so as well."

There was no point in talking anymore. I turned around to leave, but he held me firmly by my wrist.

I was really confused, so I turned around and asked, "What... are you trying to do?"

"You haven't told me why you want to date someone."