Dark Ages, Spring 1459 - I feel so afraid for you…

Albu’s betrayal took us by surprise, and after the day he tried to take me down I had to go on a few expeditions, I had to hunt him down and also the ones who helped him plot against me. So, I left for a month or more at a time, it was a hard feature leaving her behind, she was my haven, the one who kept my demons at bay, but I couldn’t take a chance in bringing her with me, as she asked many times. When I got back from one of these campaigns I found a distraught Alizandra, and she was having night terrors, something she had never had before. Worry ate at me, maybe my demons had found their way to her, I didn’t know, but something was wrong, very wrong.

“Wake up, draga mea,” I begged gathering her in my arms. “Wake up,” I kissed all over her face trying to appease her distress, she was swimming in sweat and her breathing difficult. Then those lavenders were fixed on me, glinting with unshed tears, and that itself crushed my heart. “What’s wrong my beautiful, Liz?” she hugged me so tight like her life depended on it, and I felt her affliction through her trembling body.

“I’m so afraid for you…” she mumbled between sobs. “If you keep doing what you do, you’ll destroy yourself, and I don’t know how to be the anchor you need.” 

“What are you talking about?” I had this feeling she wanted to tell me something and didn’t know how.

“Vlad… I’ve been using that secret passage you’ve shown me.” so that was it, she had been escaping from the castle these last few months. “Vlad, I know now why your soul is so tormented, even though you don’t want to admit to yourself!” 

“Alizandra, that pathway is supposed to be an escape route not your way of sneaking out!” I didn’t want to snap at her, but anger boiled in my blood, hearing her tell me. Probably she had been to the outskirts of the village or the river and had seen the carnage there. “Why would you do that?”

“I was bored and lonely up here, I wanted to see people, talk to someone other than the help.” she cried on my chest. I’ve never seen her cry, and I didn’t like it a bit. “I’ve heard stories about your ways in battles before we met, but hearing about them was altogether differently than seeing them! Why do you do such atrocities? You are only twenty-six and already carry the heavy weight of damnation on your shoulders.” 

How could I be angry with her, if even in this darkest hour she wasn’t judging me for my despicable antics, but concerned about me. God! I loved this woman, I loved her with my whole heart, and she suffered for me.

“Liz, I may be young in years, but I’m old in my mind. I fight with the means life gave it to me, and I also understand, that I can’t use the excuse of freeing our land to do what I do, because I confess to you, I hate them with all my heart for everything they took from me,” I embraced her bringing her closer to my chest if that was even possible. I may have sold my soul to the devil, but Radu sold his to them, and I didn’t know which was the worst!

“So please, make me understand. Make this pain go away.” 

“What do you want to know? Ask me and I will tell you.” I whispered to her.

“Tell me about your childhood. How was it?” 

“It was nice and fun. We lived in Sighişoara, and as far as I remember all the women in the court, including my mother had been in charge to teach us about how to dress properly, manners, made sure we knew we were different from the others, and with all that we had been spoiled rotten by them. The men, including father, had taught us how to be warriors. They trained us to manage a sword, fighting, archery, horseback riding, and we also  had tutors to teach us languages, math, history, and so on. We had a busy life, but they also let the three of us roam around and be boys. We had lots of fun with the other children of the court, we hunted, played games, and went to see street performers. My parents were good people, I guess.” I sighed loudly, they were such good times, and it sounded so far away. Her fingers were on my face caressing me so tenderly, the lightest of the touches. Closing my eyes, I breathed her in and let myself enjoy it.

“I feel love in you when you talk about it. How all that changed?”

“My father wanted to consolidate his power in Transylvania, the Turks had been all over the land, finally one winter my father marched with his army, and entered Târgovişte becoming the ruler, later my brothers and I joined him. But after a while he sensed the tenuous balance of power in favor of the sultan, and he made an alliance with him, turning out to be a bad deal, every time the Turks marched thought Transylvanian grounds there were lots of looting, murdering and burning, and things had escalated for the worst, and the people revolted against them. My father had sworn to protect all Christians by his Dragon Oath, and by that he managed to save almost a whole town from massacre. It was then, Hunyadi appeared and believe me, he was no saint. He had his own agenda in all that, but he was a true believer in the crusades against the Turks, and chasing them out of Europe, so as general governor of Transylvania he came to my father and demanded he joined him in his plans,” everything sounded so bizarre to my ears and from another lifetime.

“My father wasn’t at ease, and he decided maybe for that moment, I don’t know… He would act neutral to the situation, like still give the Turks some passage through the land, but help Hunyadi crusades with small contingents under Mircea’s command, but you know, you can’t serve two masters at once. One day someone instigated the sultan against him, saying he wasn’t to be trusted, and I think he got suspicious of my father, so he invited him to his court, and he brought Radu and I with him, and it was right there when things turned sour.”

“What happened?”

“Well, they seized us from father, held him against his will, put Mircea in his place, and let us think he had abandoned us, that we had been traded for loyalty. We were in a foreign country, a language we didn’t understand, costumes so different from what we were used to. I hated my father for so many years!” I growled and the bitterness in my voice took me by surprise. Just now, talking about it, I understood how much it had affected me.

“It’s ok, you didn’t know what really happened back then,” hearing her voice so full of care soothed me beyond imagination, and her hand wandering around my face and hair so freely, made me wish to stay there forever.

“They kept our studies, but in their ways. I was so disgusted with everything that my favorite pastime was to make their life a living hell, rebelling against every single thing. I got beaten, whipped, punished in all ways possible. They took us in their expeditions, they engaged us in their army, taught us the logistics and planning against enemies, all means of tortures, and a lot more. I lived in the bowels of hell for about six years. Till the day I was seventeen, and they let me go, but Radu decided to join them on his own free will, that traitor! In that same year my father’s old chancellor came looking for me, giving me his Toledo Blade and his golden collar with the insignia of the dragon, and he told me the real deal. My father never abandoned us. They held us hostage so my father wouldn’t go against them and did their bidding, and at the end it cost his own life, because wanting or not Hunyadi got pissed at him for his closeness to the sultan, and he went to Braşov and told Vladislav II that my father was a fickle ally, and right after a revolt broke out, my father fled but never got to its destiny, a friendly Turkish troop on the Danube. The boyars of Târgovişte in conspiracies with Vladislav captured Mircea, torturing him beyond the unthinkable and buried him alive! For that Alizandra, I counted every one of them accountable, and I swore to my father to sweep the Turks out of my land and avenge my family for everything they did to us!” a painful anger coursed through me, and I felt like killing someone at that moment, then I heard that sweet, lovable voice that could drive my demons away from me.

“I’m so sorry, Vlad. That was a lot for a child to bear,” holding her hand, I kissed her palm and every soothing finger. “But it’s all in the past now, you need to think about the future,” she felt when I tensed beneath her, how dare she say it was in the past? When I was about to voice my reproach, she put a finger on my lips, refraining me of doing so. “Hear me out, I’m not saying for you to give up, what I want you to understand is that you are mature enough to review your goals, and bring forth new ways to reach them. Ways Vlad, that won’t annihilate your soul and mind in the process!”