Familiar

I stare at my surroundings with a ghost of a smile, a weird warmness taking over my heart, it is faint but it is here, the feeling of Déjà vu, of knowing this place.

to be honest, I don’t know if it is some blocked memories trying to resurface or just the preexisting knowledge that this is where I used to live with Maisie before moving to the Williams’ residence, whatever it is, it fills me with a strange… familiarity!

I take a deep breath and walk further inside the apartment, Maisie trailing behind me, I am so happy she invited me back here, from what I understood, I moved out six months ago to live in the Williams house and be a twenty-four hours caretaker, my job was to take care of his father, who suffered from a cerebrovascular accident that left him paralyzed, the man was no longer able to move the right half of his body.

According to Maisie, the offer was really tempting, the payment was three times the amount  I made in the hospital, the job was very easy as I only had one patient to take care of, the lodging, as well as feeding, were both provided by the employer so I didn’t have to worry about the rent nor the daily meals, it was an offer no one could have said no to, especially with how descent and professional that Williams guy seemed to be when he offered me the job.

“Do you remember anything?” Maisie asks, she took few days off her job to be able to watch over me after my latest break down in the courtroom, something I am grateful for, I need a human presence around me, I need an anchor to keep me from losing myself in the endless blackness of oblivion.

“Not really, but I definitely feel like I have been here before.”

“That is a start.” She smiles at me and I take a seat while she busies herself with making us both some coffee, the smell of it makes me moan in delight.

“You have always been a coffee junky.” She hands me the big mug with a chuckle before taking a seat next to me.

“You live here alone?”

“Yeap, it is not like I can’t afford it by myself, and i am not really a social person, i like privacy and calamity, I only agreed to share this place with you because it was you.”

“Please, tell me everything from the beginning, Maisie.” I look at her with hopeful eyes, I know it is a tiring request to ask her to retell me the story of my life, again, but right now, while I am sitting on the cozy sofa of what used to be my apartment, with a hot mug of coffee and my friend next to me, while I am calm and relaxed, no one else besides us, no cops although I really like Emma, no other doctors, no nurses, no disinfectant smell nor machine beeping, I feel it is the perfect moment for me to piece everything together.

“Alright.” Maisie sighs and places her empty mug on the wooden table. “You came to this town four years ago, Natalia, you were eighteen at the time, you were this super shy guy with a gentle heart, bright mind, and great grades, you were easily accepted in the nursing school, and you did great honestly, you were even better than some doctors, you finished your three years of studies and then started working in the hospital before moving to work for the Williams.”

“What about my life before?” I ask, I was already filled up about my life in this city, not an eventful life from what i have understood, and just like Maisie, I wasn’t a very social person, I have lived with Maisie since the start and she has been my only friend, the rest were people I knew from far and treated nicely, and they did the same.

“To be honest, I don’t know, you never talked about your family, you never talked to them nor called them, you never received anything from them, not even a phone call, all that tied you to them was the money you used to send you mother and grandmother every once in a while.”

“what about other family members?”

“You had none that I knew of, you mentioned that your father was dead and that you had no siblings, so really, it was just your mother and your Nana.”

“And you say they never called me?” I frown, just what kind of a family did I have?!

“Nope and neither did you.”

“How come I was sending them money though?” at my question, Maisie shakes her head, looking as clueless as I am.

“No idea, funnily you used to send them money even when you were broke yourself, even when you couldn’t afford to pay the rent, you were killing yourself with part-time jobs when you were studying, and instead of keeping it to yourself, you were sending it to them, it was irritating sometimes, especially when you’d deprive yourself of almost everything.”

“How did I send them money if they didn’t call me? Did I call them? Are they that poor to not be able to afford a phone call?” I ask, a bit annoyed myself.

“Nope, and that is the most irritating part” She gives me a pointed look, “They didn’t ask, you were sending it on yourself, I once found the transection records and asked you about it, you were not very pleased about my intrusion, I must admit, but you told me your relationship with your family wasn’t the best but you still wanted to help them, especially your mother.” She stopped for a second, “You really loved that woman.”

I look at my mug, lost on my thoughts, Maisie wasn’t the only one who found this strange, I wonder what kind of relationship I shared with my mother for us to not even talk to each other at all but I still sent her the money I desperately needed, it was clear I loved her, a lot. But if I did love her that much, why haven’t I tried to fix our relationship? Why haven’t one of us reached out to the other?

“Hey…” I look up at Maisie who is looking at me with worried eyes and I smile at her.

“I was just a little lost in my thoughts.”

“I guessed that much, do you want to see your previous room, although there isn’t much left.”, I nod directly and she takes me to this room, it is surprisingly very clean and…

My trail of thoughts is interrupted by this image that replaced the sight of the empty room, the sight of two green orbs and a large muscular torso barely covered with a white shirt, standing way too close, bare legs wrapped around the same torso, and muffled moans, my moans…

“Oy, earth calling Natalia, can you hear me?” Maisie suddenly appears on my line of sight and I look at her with wide eyes, now what the hell was that? I think as I step inside the room.

“Did you remember something?” Maisie asks me but I don’t answer her, I am too overwhelmed with the vivid memory, and even more by the fact it had green orbs in it, just what the hell was that Williams guy doing in my memory? What was he doing between my legs?

“Maisie, I want to see my phone, and I want to read those records Emma mentioned the other day” I tell her, my voice a little breathy, and she looks at me, a bit unsure.

“Please, Maisie, I have waited for days on Dr. jones recommendation, I am over those panic attacks and I am much better now, and much calmer, I need to know the truth.” She sighs and nods before going to her room and I release a breath didn’t even know I was holding.

I can’t say I enjoy this situation, of having to ask people to “let” me do things, but I can’t really complain, Maisie is my friend and she has been nothing but nice and helpful.

While she is gone, I look around me, trying to project that fragment of memory on this room, I am not even sure it is true, I mean why in the hell would I let that man near me, he was my employer, and now my potential rapist, it just doesn’t make any sense, unless I am that type of girl…

Before I could come up with any more conclusions, Maisie is back with a phone and a folder in hand, I waste no time in receiving them, I do notice that the phone screen in broken, and even has a password, just great.

“How can I check what is in it, I don’t remember the password.” My voice couldn’t be more frustrated, I look up at Maisie who is looking at me as if I had said the dumbest thing she ever heard.

“Just use face recognition, Natalia, this isn’t the early 2000’s.”

Okay, now I feel dumb, I clear my throat and do as she told me, luckily it worked, the wallpaper was a picture of me, standing on some kind of a cliff? I look at the picture, I am smiling happily in it but not to the camera, it looks as if this picture was taken without me knowing, but then that smile, who am I smiling at?

Deciding to worry about that later, I go straight to my messages, on the top of the list is a contact registered under the name 'Nate' and a little red heart in front of it, what the hell? And we have shared over seven thousand massages!! Now for real. What the real hell?!!

“Who is this Nate?”, I look at Maisie who hesitates a little before answering.

“I am not sure if it the same Nate, But Natalia, Mr. Williams' first name is Nathaniel.”