Almost there

Rita’s story

           

Just a knock at the front door made me almost jump in my chair. I am nervous. But what if this is not temporary? I guess Miron saw my anxiety because I felt his scent close to me.

-          Try to calm down a little, Miss Rita. Dr. Stevens is going to help you. He is the best there is.

-          I’ll do my best. It’s just that…

Suddenly he took my hand in his. It was so warm and comforting. Tears begin to form in my eyes, numb by the darkness I have been condemned to live.

-          It is going to be ok! I know it will. You have to trust in your healing will and your doctor.

-          I trust in you too, Miron!

A moment of silence followed my words. I could hear my heartbeat. I don’t know if it is mine or Miron’s because they beat at the same time.  His thumb is caressing my hand in a way that my whole body reacts. It is curious that in my feet I don’t feel anything. Now my tears are rolling in cascades anticipating how impossible seems to walk again.

-          I know you do and I will be with you every step of the way. I promise!

Miron placed his hand on my cheek calming me. I felt my heart slowing its beatings. Without thinking I opened my arms and throw them around his neck holding him close. So close that he remained motionless, amazed by my reaction. Suddenly I felt his arms embracing me back holding me tight and abandon myself into a safe place. 

When Annabelle opened the door Miron broke his embrace and a wave of coldness went through my whole body, leaving me alone and unprotected. I was left with my hands up, looking for the only man that could make me feel safe and whole.

-          Welcome doctor! Please make yourself at home!

-          Thank you, Mr. Hauser, you are too kind.

I heard the two men talking about my condition and how are they are going to help me.  They seem optimistic. So I must be too.

-          So, as I understood from her medical records she also has some memory loss, as we call it selective amnesia.

-          That is correct. She also has nightmares…

-          It is perfectly normal considering the drama she went through.

-          Is there any possibility that she can walk again?

-          Of course, there is! With therapy and a lot of patience from both sides. And with that Mr. Hauser, your wife will be fine.

“His wife? How sweet is that?” I think I blushed because I felt my cheeks on fire.  Also their eyes I bet they were on me…

-          Miss Rita is not my wife…

I did sense a trace of regret in his words.

-          I am so sorry Mr. Hauser, I did not mean to…

-          It is ok…

I lowered my head waiting for some kind of a miracle. I was hoping they would change the subject but the silence was so pushy that I had to say something.

-          Dr. Stevens, I am sorry to intervene, about my amnesia and my nightmares.

-          What about them?

-          In every single dream that I have, there was a young girl with me in the car. I call her Pamela. What is that mean?

-          A young girl you say… it could be a manifestation of your fear.

-          It could be…maybe you are right.

Another moment of awkward silence before Dr. Stevens started talking again, this time with Miron.

-          Mr. Hauser, I suggest we start the first session.

-          We can use the gym, Dr. Stevens. It is ready.

-          Of course Mr. Hauser.

-          Miss Rita, may I help you?

Miron’s voice was so calm and so protective. I know he wants me healed, to start walking and seeing again, but as he says, we need to take baby steps for this to be complete. I know I have a long way ahead of me, long and hard, but I also know that he would be there for me. He promised!

-          Of course, you can!

Suddenly I feel my wheelchair moving forward. We all entered the sports room that was on the ground floor. Dr. Stevens seemed to come prepared. Miron explained to me that he brought a portable physiotherapy table. I was so nervous about not knowing what was about to happen.

-          Miss Sinclair, Mr. Hauser will help you get on the table. We should start with some easy warming exercises. Mr. Hauser, would you please?

Miron lifted me so easily. This was the third time I was in his arms. I placed my hands around his neck resting my head against his chest.  There was no need to do that, I just felt it to do it. He was like a magnet, which inevitably attracted me. My body did not put up any resistance. It felt so natural this closeness between us.

Gently he set me on the table, face up. Then the doctor came and flexed my legs. An excruciating pain went through all of my body. I guess Miron reacted so concerned that in that very second he held my hand. I was literally crying, begging to stop.

-          Calm down, Miss Sinclair! I just lifted an inch. I know this can be painful.

-          I am trying, but it hurts so much…

I just couldn’t help myself and I was looking for Miron’s hand. He saw me again and held it again. No words were needed just my desperate longing for him to comfort me. This torture lasted for two whole hours, with only fifteen minutes of break. I was exhausted when all this came to an end.

-          We are done for today. From tomorrow on I will be coming in the afternoon, like 4 PM. It’s that ok with you Miss Sinclair?

-          It’s perfect. And thank you, doctor!

-          I am just doing my job and at the same time helping an old friend.

-          See you, tomorrow doctor!

-          Have a nice day!

-          You too!

I heard Miron leading the doctor to the door. After closing it, he came right in front of me.

-          How are you feeling Miss Rita?

-          Tired…

-          I see, maybe you should take a shower and get some sleep.

-          I shall do that. And, Miron…

He was just about to leave when my voice stopped him. I had so much to tell him, to thank him for.  I can be a very difficult person considering all the events from the last period, my accident, my incapacity of walking and seeing, my lack of memory, and my sleepless nights because of my nightmares and now calling this doctor to cure me. Between all this he finds time to care for me, to talk to me, understand my fears, and be there when my nights become unbearable with a hug and a good word. He is the kind of man every woman would want and he was putting aside his life to be here with me. So I guess I could be that lucky woman, couldn’t I?

-          Yes, Miss Rita!

-          Thank you so much. May I ask you a favor?

-          Anything you want…

-          I don’t know how to say this…

-          Now you made me curious.

I could tell he was smiling.

-          Ok, here it goes nothing…do you allow me to touch your face? I want to…know you better…I mean, I know how Miron Hauser looks like, so is not like I don’t trust you…

Suddenly he came to close, kneeling in front of my wheelchair and took my palms in his placing them on his face. I was shocked and enveloped in his aroma. Again that musky scent that haunted me from the first moment he came close. Only this time is different. The closeness between us now is warmer, welcoming and the feeling of touching his cheeks left me breathless. Without turning back I start to move my shy fingers down to his mouth. He reacts with a smile as I was feeling the corners of his lips curl up. His beard was leaving sweet sensations in my palms wanting to explore more. I could just forget about my morality and kiss him right now. But I don’t even know how he feels. Although I could hear his heart beating faster than usual that does not mean this man is attracted to me. I am a blind incapacitated woman. Because that is who I am. Half of the woman I used to be.

Horror and fear seized me all of a sudden making my hands tremble and tears have begun to fall down. I would never be a whole woman. I like this man so much but he would never see me just as the one who helped after having that terrible accident. For finding me there, almost dead, he has a moral duty to me. Or at least that is what I think he feels.

Sensing my anxiety he stopped my hands from wondering on his face. I guess he was gazing at me because all was silent and I could feel his eyes staring. They were warming me inside out trying to chase away my fears. It works I am beginning to calm myself.

-          It’s ok now! I am here with you!

-          For how long Miron?

I don’t even know how I found it in me to say that. I bet he looks surprised.

-          For as long as you will have me!

His response left me off guard. I did not expect this. How shall I respond? My life before the accident is a blur. I don’t even know if I used to have somebody in my life. If I had somebody always there to take care of me. It was like I am learning to live again. However, his statement remained without an answer from me.

-          Let me help you get to your room!

-          Thank you…

As soon as he said that I felt my wheelchair pushed. I love those hands. Every time I was down they lifted me up and create a safe place to stay. His embrace. Every time my eyes wept they wiped away the tears in their caressing. I feel in a rollercoaster. Today he gives me reasons to believe he feels something for me, tomorrow is like we are again strangers. Now he is acting so caring the next moment he is so formal. I feel confused. One thing though I am not confused about is my love for him. Because Miron Hauser or not I am in love with this man.

Miron’s story

I helped Miss Rita reach her room. She looked so vulnerable. I wish I could do more to help her. To be more present in her life, but I am not sure of her reaction towards that. I am certain of what I am feeling for her but I still have to figure it out if she has feelings for me. It’s a long way to go but I have to try.

I know that I have to prove to her that my love is genuine. She has a difficult condition right now and I don’t want her to think that I feel sorry for her and that is the only reason I stayed around. How do you call it when you feel you are missing air when she is not near?  How do you call it when you have her in front of your eyes and suddenly you find yourself learning to speak again, trying to say something smart enough so you don’t look like a stupid teenager in love? And most important how do I stop this flame of passion, this continuous lust that I am longing for every single day?

Oh well, and the million-dollar question. How is Rita supposed to take a shower if Annabelle is not here? Lord…

-          Miron?

-          Yes…

-          If Belle is not here, will you help me?

That was exactly the question I was afraid of.

-          Don’t worry! Belle improvised something very ingenious to help me and you don’t even have to see me…you know…naked…

I am sure she was aware of her blushing, but she was so cute this way. Beautiful I might say. I have to say something and fast so she wouldn’t feel ashamed.

-          How is that?

“Nice one Miron, smart, very smart!”

-          Well, first you could give me one towel to cover myself and the hard part is to carry me to the bathroom. There Belle placed a chair right in the middle of the shower. All you have to do is put me there, I’ll do my thing and then call you to bring me another clean towel to wrap it up. Easy, right?

-          Right…

           What about me? How am I supposed to carry her in my arms without involving anything? Without waking up to life every single part of my body? Last time I checked I wasn’t made of marble. I am a man with feelings. And when it comes to her, I have strong feelings.

But then I saw her raising her arms for the towel she was talking about. It was on her bed. I reached for him. Here goes nothing…

-          Ok, here you are!

-          Thank you!

I was standing there paralyzed, gazing at her, waiting… It was like she could see me.

-          Did you turn around?

-          Yes, right…I will…

Damn words, they didn’t come out properly. I admire her smiling. Is she aware of how beautiful she is?

-          You are cute! Tell me when you have your back on me.

-          I am now…

I was turning my back on her, but even in my mind, I could picture her as Mother Nature brought her on. My imagination went so wild that I think my angel left my right shoulder and only my devil remained. He was pushing me to do crazy things. I still had some reason left to stay as I was.

My blood was boiling in my veins and a sweet pain crosses my body from my lips longing for her kiss, to my hands for caressing her, to my hardness wanting her like crazy. My mouth opened as though I was already testing the sweetness of her body. I bit my lower lip cursing for being so helpless when it comes to this woman. For feeling so vulnerable myself knowing that if she had me in her embrace for one night I would want forever.

-          Ok, I am ready you can take me to the bathroom!

-          Ok…

If I thought until now it was the easy part, carrying her in my arms was the supreme test. Just the thought that she would be so close to me makes me crazy. That only a damn towel separates her perfect naked body from me. My eyes travel to her into the wheelchair. I reach for her, placing one hand under her thighs and the other under her waist almost reaching with my fingers the line of her left breast. I cannot describe in words what I was feeling or what kind of thoughts crossed my mind. She was so gentle and I was hard as a rock. I think I stood still for five seconds but it felt like five years. The time just stopped for us. If she could see she would have been lost in my gaze.

I placed her gently on the chair she and Annabelle improvised in the shower and without taking my eyes off her I removed a strain from her face.

-          I will let you do your… thing, ok?

-          Thank you, Miron!

-          Call me when you’re done, ok?

-          I will…

-          Anyway, I will not leave the room, so I will be close.

I closed the door leaving her in the sound of the water. I took a sit on her bed, still holding her floral scent. I close my eyes and inhale the discreet aroma. I was having problems concentrating on the chores of the day. In my head was only her. I stood there for almost an hour. It must be hard for her to manage.  Then I heard her melodious voice.

-          Miron…

-          Coming!

When I opened the bathroom door only the steam was blocking my view from her naked body. I helped her get out of the shower again in my arms with the same lust and longing from earlier. Nothing changed, with the same awkwardness I carried her and placed her on the bed. I was making an inhuman effort for not taking her right there. With this whole situation, I could feel Rita’s heart beating faster than usual. This can only mean one thing. She may not be as indifferent as she seemed.

But nothing assures me that she has feelings for me. Even though Anabelle says that being a woman, she can feel these things and, definitely is a sparkle, a fiery fire that waits to ignite. The question is when is going to do it? And when it does are we going to be the same? 

Rita’s story

“Damn, it’s hard!”  I was trying to hold myself together and not to slip or fall in the shower. The last thing I want is to worry Miron.  He has a lot on his head right now to worry about me. So I am paying ten times more attention to what I am doing. Carefully I wash, rinse and dry a little my body, and then cover it in the cotton towel Miron gave to me. It is so soft, like the touching of the beloved man, as his touch…

I just can help myself from wandering with my mind in my deepest thoughts. And they are so guilty that a sweet pain crosses from my stomach down to my femininity. Everything becomes so hot and it is not the water. I have to call him to help me…

-          Miron…

-          Coming!

I hear his footsteps heading towards the bathroom door. My heart is racing so fast that it’s starting to be hard for me to breathe. Knowing that Miron Hauser is just one door away from me and I am here, half-naked, in the shower, makes me realize that I am more nervous than I thought. I am behaving like a teenage girl in love with the most popular boy in school.

“God, this is crazy!” It is all very simple. He will come, take me, place me on the bed, hand me my clothes and that is it. But what I really want is him to take me in his arms, caress me reviving every inch of my body, kiss me, place me on the bed, never lose eye contact even if I cannot see. I can still fill his warm breath on my lips, waiting for him to possess me, to make me feel his woman. That is what I really want. And it is only a thin line between desire and lust, between love and passion, the lace fabric that would cover my body and his manly clothes.

If he would give me the slightest sign that he wants me I would surely beg and yearn after everything he means of being a man: his kiss, touch, musky scent, his shaking breathing when he traces sweet thrills with his lips on every single part of my body, knowing it, exploring it, memorizing it…

And me… arching my back under his still dressed body, touching me slightly from place to place, longing for his tongue to start playing with the whole of me through my red lace negligee. I go crazy just thinking about what wonders can he do with his mouth and tongue.

I let myself hanging in that wet dream and place my head against Miron’s chest. It is cozy and safe. His heavy right arm is resting again on the edge of my breast. But he is not moving an inch away. On the contrary, is like he is looking for a better angle to hold it.

Sometimes I wonder what kind is Miron? Passionate, romantic kind or demonic or like a beast? I guess I will have the whole night to think about this.

-          Thank you, Miron, for your help!

-          You are very welcome Miss Rita!

-          Please, call me Rita…

Suddenly I feel a fresh breeze invading my space. He came that close that I can almost taste him. I am not so sure I understood the meaning of his words though…

-          If this goes beyond the platonic line you will hear me say your name…Miss Rita!

-          Of course…

I was left with my mouth open, hearing a door closing behind me. I would have liked to walk towards him, asking him to explain his sayings. Although I kind of realize what they meant, I just wanted to hear it from his mouth. Again I was imagining his mouth, wanting to taste it, play with it and take it whole in frantic kisses at first then melting each other with sweet long passionate ones.

That was some dream I was heaving. Who am I kidding? I am nobody, him being the great maestro Miron Hauser. I still have my doubts sometimes about his identity but when he is close to me I am afraid of my guilty thinking. If he could have the power to read minds I was already thrown out of the house because I dared to have such thoughts.

No way in heaven is he going to fall for me. What am I saying fall? At least he can see me as his closest friend. He has Annabelle for this role though. I am just a victim rescued by him, staying in his house until I get better. And then what’s next? The answer is so simple and easy. I shall see about my insignificant and anonymous life as I always had.

I curse for these thoughts. I have no reason to be angry because this is the truth. We are not comparing with each other. In my existence, nothing important happens while in his everything happens. He has fame, fans, people who love his, cherish and worship him as an artist. And who knows, maybe there is a Ms. Hauser somewhere!

That simple thought hurts like hell. Knowing that it might be someone Miron spends the days and the nights with.  Someone he caresses. Someone who cares for him and vice versa. That he holds in his arms when she is scared. Those same arms that hugged me. That he kisses when he is longing. Those same lips that almost kissed me.

“God damn it!” In my recklessness and fear, I tried to get out of bed but instead, I fell so hard that I almost hit my head on the nightstand. The noise was so loud that in just two seconds Miron was up in my room again.

-          Miss Rita, are you alright?

-          Help me…please…

-          What were you trying to do? Walk? You have to take it easy…

-          I am tired of being so useless!!!

“I just want to stand on my two feet and hold you in my arms so tight that I might never let you go!”

My voice was as loud as my thoughts were so silent. I could feel the pain in his eyes. He rushed to pick me up and help me stay on the edge of my bed. My arm hurts from hitting the floor and my head also. But the strangest thing is that I can feel some tingling in my right foot. I must have hurt my leg too and to my surprise tears begin to form in my eyes. Also, a blurry gaze is making me distinguish some shadows. I freeze in Miron’s arms but raise a hand and place it in front of my eyes. That was the moment when he realized the miracle that had taken place.

-          Don’t tell me…

-          Miron, I can…almost see…

In one move I place my palm on his cheek, caressing, feeling, seeing the form of his face. More tears follow the first ones. With a joy I cannot describe in words, being so happy just like a child receiving a new toy, I place a short kiss on Miron’s full lips. I don’t know why I did that. They were sweet like honey. A few seconds of heavy silence and I bet a perplexed look in his eyes. He was again so close that I thought he was going to kiss me back. Not the short kind like mine but a passionate one, longing for more. Hoping that my anxiety is not that obvious I was trying to maintain a normal line between thrilling and reality. I could sense Miron’s attempt to help me do that.

-          This is a miracle Miss Rita!

-          I know…I can’t see you clearly but…

-          Miss Rita, I am so happy for you!

Miron cupped my face wiping my tears with his thumbs from my eyes. I cannot believe I am able to distinguish him. His features, his face shape.  Even so, I am not convinced he is really Miron Hauser. But who cares? This man has stood by me this entire time. He has never refused me any help and despite his busy schedule with concerts and rehearsals, he always found time for me.

I kept crying contemplating him. He was almost there, in my sight. One-touch away. I just couldn’t stop caressing his wonderful face. His fresh shaved beard tickled my palms. It was the most beautiful sensation I felt in months.

My eyes were adjusting the dim light in the room. I was looking for the shape of my wheelchair. I wanted to go to the window to admire the sun and everything in the backyard. Miron sensed my anxiety.

-          Is there something wrong? Are you looking for your wheelchair?

-          Actually I do! I want to …to look outside…

-          Consider it done!

In that very second, I found myself carried away in his strong arms. My God, how much I missed those arms! It is like I am breathing again every time Miron carries me.  “Stop it, heart! Don’t beat so hard!” It is actually impossible for Miron no to feel it beating like crazy. He has that effect on me. I wonder if I have some kind of effect on him…

The view was breathtaking, even if I still see only shadows and shapes. I consider myself lucky though giving the circumstances. There is a long way to go. There is a problem with my legs, my lack of memory. I still have nightmares about that little girl that does not survive the accident. I wonder if she really exists!

-          Miron?

-          Yes…

-          Who is the little girl I am dreaming about?

I take a look at his face but I can distinguish if there is a grimace. There has to be because he is far too quiet.  I look away turning my gaze out the window. I was still in his warm arms. I really wish to rest my head on his chest, but I don’t do that.  Is he hiding something from me? Why every time I start talking about it he avoids the answer?

Miron’s story

How the hell am I going to tell her that the little girl she is dreaming about was her sister who died? How am I going to look into her eyes when she will regain her sight, knowing that I hid it from her? And the most important thing, for how long can I hide this?

-          Miss Rita, you should rest! There were enough emotions for one day, don’t you think?

-          I guess you are right…

-          I know I am. Let me help you put you to bed. Is that ok with you?

-          Thank you, Miron.

For the first time in months, she was looking straight into my eyes. I know she only sees shapes. There is still a void in her gaze. I place her gently on the bed sustaining her with care. She seems so fragile especially now when there is a new happening in her life. And she has no one near her but me.

-          If you need something I’ll be next door…

-          Miron, please don’t go…

Her request surprised me in the most beautiful way possible.

-          What do you mean?

I knew for sure what she meant, but I just wanted to hear it from her mouth.

-          I mean, just stay until I fall asleep…please…

-          Of course…

I returned from the door, letting myself driven by her flower scent right into the bed with her. God, I feel so nervous! I look at her but she has no reaction. She was waiting for me to find a place. Until now she never asked me this, but now is different. Her voice was almost begging me to not leave her side. It is an innocent gesture but to be honest for me is like I am taking the exam of my life. My anxiety has reached alarming levels when Miss Rita approach a few inches. Her body warmth was so inviting that instinctively I place my arm behind her neck leaving her the possibility to rest her head on my chest. She seized the opportunity to come closer to me, her cheek almost caressing my bare chest.

The feeling is indescribable in words. Only our hearts and souls could react right now to what we release through our pores. And it is pure desire.

This flame is consuming me inside out. I wonder how much longer I can resist this beautiful woman wrapped in my arms. When she breathes the warmth of her breath revives all my senses. All of a sudden she raised a little her right arm and placed it on my torso. Now her breathing is quiet, sign that she fell asleep.

Now I can watch her through the dim light of the moon entering the window. A trace of that light crosses her sweet face down to the deep neckline of the nightgown. Why in the world I had to follow it there? Now my eyes are stuck in the beauty of her full breasts. She has only a thin lace line covering them in half letting a delicious view. Her nipples were pushing hardened through the fabric of the gown.

“O my God, this creature is stunningly beautiful!” I curse between my teeth that despite her being here, in my house, in my arms, in my life, it is like I cannot reach her. I am not allowed to taste the forbidden fruit.

I have to do something and do it fast. As long as she stays here I still have a chance to talk to her, to tell her how I really feel. It is a risky thing to do but if I don’t do it soon I will go crazy of desire, lust, longing for her, of…love?