Ch. 5

After breakfast I met Aljona outside in the field. This time some men from the camp were with us, because Aljona wanted to make my other training a little more difficult and thus also increase it. I was doing pretty well against her now, so she now increased the level of difficulty. 

When I was actually supposed to compete against one of the huge guys in a duel, something stirred inside me. I wanted to fight him. I wanted to test my limits on him. And I wanted to hurt him because maybe he was one of the people who hurt One. Or Nikk.  

As was to be expected, he incapacitated me within a few minutes. It made me so angry that I promptly got back on my feet and attacked him. The adrenaline rushing through my veins gave me extra strength, and I even managed to hook him on the chin. 

"Not bad, girl," he said, rubbing his jaw. "But you won't hit again."

"We'll see," I said, glaring at him defiantly.

He was right - I didn't score any more, but I took a lot. When I returned to my father's tent later, I had to use the miracle ointment on the bruises that were gradually showing on my skin. I rubbed the areas carefully and the memory of the bite wounds that One had given me in the intoxication of greatest passion came up. Marks that I proudly wore. A violent tingling sensation seized my insides, longing welled up in me. And desire. 

I closed my eyes with a deep sigh. I just couldn't forget the Hunter. The memories of such moments forced themselves on me again and again and plunged me into emotional chaos. And that's exactly why I had to see him at least one more time and talk to him. I wanted to hear from his mouth that he was responsible for my losing my mother and sister. I needed this confirmation in order to be able to concentrate fully on the hatred for him and to block out everything else.

Since I was quite exhausted after training, I lay down to rest before the interview with Lex took place. I could hardly wait and at the same time I was afraid of it. I hoped he'd finally tell me something I didn't know yet. I wanted to know all about his plans. Only then would I do what I dreaded since talking to my father. I would go to One and try to get the information Lex needs. At the same time, I would also pursue my own goals and ask him the question that burned on my soul. Why? Why did you kill all these people? My mother and my sister. How could you do that 

But first I had to collect myself internally so that I could face this encounter. So that I wouldn't suddenly collapse as soon as I saw the Hunter in front of me. The very thought of standing in front of him and looking into his eyes after the time had passed - after all the newly acquired information - drove me almost insane. At the moment I couldn't say how I would react to that. So I had to devise and funnel an appropriate response until I could control it. Neither Lex nor One were allowed to know what it actually looked like inside me. They should believe what I wanted them to believe.

As I lay on the bed with my eyes closed, I made a plan in my head. I had to consider every little detail, weigh everything and structure it down to the smallest detail. That was how I prepared myself for the meeting with Lex and the one that probably followed with One. Every now and then I would get up and walk up and down the small room, pulling my hair and lying down again. How the hell should I face the man I knew had my mother and sister and countless other people on my conscience? What was the appropriate response to that? Was there even one? Could I do it?

I took a deep breath, clenched my fists, and nodded to myself. I had to do it somehow. And I would do it. I had no other choice.