CHAPTER FOUR - THE GIRL WITH TOO MANY SECRETS

If there's anything I learnt from continually watching series like pretty little liars, how to get away with murder and scandal is that secrets are bound to be revealed.

No matter how you try to hide it, or how long it'll eventually take.

But I learnt the hard way that secrets can bring you down and what might have seemed to be your safe spot can turn to be your worst nightmare.

Aaliyah was a girl with too many secrets, often more than she could chew.

As though I might strike you as nothing but a religiously stricken human being, behind closed doors, I was more than just a mess.

I rinsed my face before looking into the mirror.

Tendering the bags around my eyes, I picked up the towel before wiping my face.

The corners of my hair stuck to my skin as I tied it up into a messy bun.

Ignoring the buzz of a message on my phone, I reached for my lip gloss.

Glossing my lips in a swift fashion, I reached for the hem of my well embroidered caftan before reaching for my head scarf.

Placing it gently unto my head, I tucked it into the collar of loosely fitted dress.

"There you go" I said to my mirrored self as I adjusted my lavenderish scarf.

"Now you might just need some powder and a bottle of confidence" I said as I grabbed my bags from the dresser.

As I read the text, a smile forced its way to my lips.

Me: Yes, ma

I replied as I grabbed some leftovers from the fridge before I dashed out the door.

Miami Unimed:

You could say I always had a plan-

-but hungover from my birthday party which just happened to be the day before I start my finals wasn't one of them.

So I instinctively dialed the sisterhood.

Jacq: Was that before or after you bailed on us?

Rubs: Well, let me take your mind of this.

Rubs: Dee's video leaked. Lol

Jacq: Please don't tell me nudes

A smile escaped my lips as I walked along the pavement.

Their voices overshadowed each other as they argued whether or not Dee deserved what she got.

Maria: Remember when the gross pig hit on me, swinging his cock backstage.

Me: Come on. I'm eating leftovers.

Wu: gif.

Jacq: that means no remedy? I could mail you still.

Rubs: Wish you all the goodluck!

As I approached the gates of the prestigious institution, I finally hung up from the group video call.

Somehow they always found a way to make me feel better about myself.

To relieve myself.

So, placing my phone into my bag, I reached for my student identification card.

I knew I was unprepared at the same time I knew that whatever happens, failing was never an option.

I did say, I always had a plan.

"I'm thinking of getting another test" Ruby whispered, pulling me down an aisle in the store.

"Why are you whispering?" I asked as she clearly hid another test in her pockets.

"This one shows a thumbs up. I can't risk having to buy a test in public" She said.

"Or you haven't just told the rest of us" I said as we stepped out of the aisle.

"Wu knows" She said, immediately.

"I don't know why you're keeping this a secret, secrets are work" I said.

"Guess that's gone viral" Jacq said as we walked towards the cashier.

"Do you think she orchestrated this whole thing?" She asked Maria who filled her cart with everything her eyes touched.

"You don't know Zee, she can throw her boobs to the screen as far as it brings cash" Maria said as she threw in some cereal.

"So she leaked a sex video for?" I asked before looking around the curious queue.

"Sorry" I whispered to the cashier.

"How about we talk about something else?" Jacq said as she piled her goods on the counter.

"Maria, you look like you're feeding the ten thousand" Jacq said as she stared at the almost filled cart.

"Boys, they eat alot" She remarked as she queued right behind us.

"We need to hurry" Ruby said suspiciously while she stared around.

"I just hope it's your hormones that craved that kind of adventure" I said unto her ears.

"Don't ever say that again" She said.

"And you're right. Secrets are work but I don't want anyone to know maybe because I'm not keeping the baby" She said.

"If there is one" She added.

As I laid effortlessly in the bed, I fisted up the covers to shoulder length.

And when I did open my eyes, she was the first that I saw.

"Ruby?" I called out with such frailty that she reached for my pale cheeks.

"I'm here. I said I'll be here" She said with her signature smile.

"Aaliyah Nadia" The doctor walked in with several papers in his hands.

"Is everything alright?" I turned to Ruby as I tried to sit up.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he placed his palms over my head.

"You're a little bit feverish but asides that your symptoms are very consistent-" He paused before he turned to Ruby.

He looked back to me as to whether she could excuse us from the room.

"It's fine" I said.

"I think you might be pregnant, Ms Nadia" He said in an assuring tone.

"We can run a test just to be sure but it's very lik-" He said, immediately.

"I can't be pregnant, there's no way on his earth that I-" I argued as I tried to sit up.

"I...i.." I stammered.

"Aal, when last did you see your period?" Ruby asked quietly before I mellowed.

She swallowed a lump down her throat before she released her grip.

"Oh my God" She exclaimed.

"I could give some room, would you still like a test?" The doctor asked.

"Noo, I can't be pregnant" I still said as tears welled up in my eyes.

"I can't. I can't have this baby" I said.

"We could also give you a list of your options" The doctor said as he turned away.

"Just go. She needs to think this through" Ruby said before he walked out.

"Aaliyah" Ruby called as I shivered under the covers, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"We need to take a test before you make any harsh decision" She said before she sat.

"At least, do you know who the father is?" She asked, instinctively.

And unable to answer that question, all I did was more tears down my pale cheeks.

"Mum" I called out as I sighted them at the front desk.

"At sometime, we thought you were not coming" She remarked as I knelt before her.

"Father" I called as he tapped my shoulders.

"We just had an amazing lunch, turns out American food is quite tasty" She said.

"Once you eat it more than once and with pepper" He said with a smile.

"We're going home. I'd make your favorite" I said as I helped her with her bags.

"Which one of them?" She asked.

"That would be a spoile-" I said before I let out a shallow cough.

"Well, take care" She said.

"How are you feeling?" Father asked as he reached for my forehead.

"You're burning up" He remarked.

I knew my fever built up from the tension of the exams.

"Started my exams today" I said as we walked into the parking lot.

"That's good. You should be rounding up by winter right?" Father asked as he rubbed his sweaty palms together.

"Yes" I simply replied with a nod.

"So that's why you're burning up? Exam fever?" Mother said with a smile.

"Trust me when I say it's just a flu" I said.

"Don't argue with a soon to be doctor" He remarked as we stopped.

"I called us an Uber straight to my house" I said as we stood by the motel exit.

"I can't believe we're here. With you" She said with a smile while I rested my head on her shoulders.

"Me too" I whispered just before my phone gave a low buzz.

And I knew it was a message.

Swiping my phone open, the mail abruptly popped up to my home screen.

And immediately I read the headline, I was beyond devastated.

'Miami University of Medical Sciences'

'Disciplinary board'

I said I always had a plan but after reading between the lines, i was torn apart.

And maybe this time, there was no plan.

"Anything wrong, honey?" Mother asked.

"Rubs" I called as I opened the door.

We all had this thing where we had each other's keys in case of emergencies.

And that already made it harder when we fought or argued.

"Rubs" I yelled as I climbed the stairs that led to her room.

Her house remained seemingly quiet before she muttered something behind her closed door.

"Rubs. Thank God you're home" I said as I opened the door to her room.

"I'm coming. On the toilet" She replied as I fell unto her bed.

"Rubs, I did something horrible and I think I might be in trouble, I don't know" I said as I sat up, my fingertips in my mouth.

"I had a plan that after my finals in med school, I could grab an internship at Miami Med" I said as I jumped up from the bed.

"My life was finally starting to fit in place, Rubs then today came and j wasn't ready for any exam" I said as I paced around the room.

"I don't know. Failing was never an option" I said as I felt the tears fall from my cheeks.

"What am I going to do, Rubs? I dropped my parents off at my apartment. What do I tell them?" I asked as I knocked nervously.

"Are you still there?" I asked.

"Yes, what did you do?" She finally asked before something of hers fell over.

"Are you alright?" I asked, slowly.

"Not my best toilet day" She joked and I wiped off the tears from my face.

"So what happened?" She asked again.

"I cheated. I found a way to steal the papers before the exams" I said.

"I know. It's the worst thing I've done. I don't what pushed me" I said, immediately.

"Some guys already planned to do it, they said they did it almost every year and still passed-" I paused for while as I panted.

"Rubs, I don't know but I think they found out. I've been summoned by the board" I added.

"My whole admission and graduation is in question" I continued.

"I was scared. I was foolish. Played by the devil" I said as I succumbed to my tears.

"I don't know" I said I fell to the ground, my back against the door as I wailed.

"What do I tell my parents?" I asked.

"I dropped out of med school, that all their hard work sending me here was a waste-"

It was after I paused that I heard her low groans accompanied with light sobs.

"Rubs, are you okay back there?" I asked as I stood to open the door.

"Rubs, it's locked. Are you okay?" I asked and for a while, my mind was taken off my possible expulsion to why my friend sat behind a locked door.

"Rubs, you never do this. Let me in" I said.

And it some seconds before gathered herself before the lock slid out of place with a dull click.

"Rubs" I called as I held unto her frail body before I looked around the room.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I picked up the cinnamon powder and some bottled pills lying around.

Before saying a word, she embraced me, holding my caftan fabric tight in her hands.

"These are abortion pills" She said as she broke down into tears.

I buried my hands into her ruby colored hair as she wailed on my shoulders.

"I just want it to go away, Aal" She cried.

"I just want it to go"

"Do you know who the father is?" She asked.

I knew, I just had to lie.

"Are you sure you're making the right decision?" She asked.

Deep down, I knew I wasn't.

Religiously, we were told abortion was never the right decision.

But I searched my heart for an excuse, a good one, one that could console me that I was indeed making the right decision.

But that, I never found.

"As you go into that room, I expect you to come back alive" She said, firmly.

"And when you do, I'll be right here" She placed her hands on my scrubs before she placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I don't care, just go and be brave" She said.

I knew I wasn't brave enough to start a family so I fled-

-I ran, seeking an escape.

It's funny how life can be a merry-go-round, a never ending circle.

That way you know its not the end, and it might not be the worst.

So when our fingers interlocked, it was the same as over a year ago

-when I did get my abortion.

"Don't go through with this" I simply said into her ears.

"Please don't" I pleaded.

"I don't want you to go through that pain then and the regret later" I said.

"For most of life I've wondered if i had done one thing differently, that maybe I won't be such a mess" I said as she pulled away.

"Imagine I had a child, all grown now but then I did the worst thing in my life" I said.

"And damn me if that decision doesn't hunt me every day of my life" I added.

"I don't see myself as beautiful or righteous or clean like I used to" I continued.

"-that's why I hold this scarf so dear. It's the only thing that connects to my religion" I said.

"The thin line of just an epitome of hope that I might still be good" I said.

"And I'm sorry for just walking in to rant. I just needed someone to take it upon-" I paused.

"And I never really asked how you've been" I said as I reached for her hands.

"It's no problem" She whispered.

"I'm not going to dictate what you do with your life but I just don't want you to end up like me" I added.

"For all its worth, I think you'd be a great mother" I remarked before turning around.

"And you, a great person, regardless of any career or any obstacle-"

"-you're still a great person" She said.

Fear, what is fear?

Fear is that line between what we are and what we want to be.

Fear is what restraints us, what torments us.

Fear is self battle for self preservation.

And fears is our worst enemy.

But what if that worst enemy is our self?

Our past and the fear for what the future holds.

Our fear that our past catches with us and our secrets haunt us.

Fear that we might loose the people we love, sometimes even loose ourselves.

Fear that we might loose our minds, and our sight.

Our soul, our faith and somehow our sense of judgment between what's wrong and what's right.

But no matter how pathetically scary fear is, the truth is we all have fears.

That we might hope to one day, overcome.

But there are some fragments of what we fear that stay with us.

-stick with us and haunts us.

His fingers groped around my waist, he pulled me close to his chest.

"Don't do this to me!" I yelled as he ripped my laced gown before pushing me against the wall.

He did not listen. He never did.

And the worst fear sometimes, is to speak.

As I closed the door, I hung my jacket on the hoop before walking into the kitchen.

"You took long. Said you went to visit a friend" Father said as he gorged on his dinner.

"Mind you, we wanted to wait for you to return" Mum said as she rinsed the plates in the sink.

"We made you wheat with soup" She said as she turned around, wiping her hands on her apron.

"But before you eat-" She paused and there was a knock in the door.

"I'd get it" I said as I rushed to the door.

"Hello" I said as I was greeted with a warm smile at the door.

"Aaliyah Nadia" My name escaped his dark lips with a stint of an African accent.

"Dele" My mum called with her warmest smile before embracing the male stranger.

The couple of shots I drank began to take its toll in my eyes as my father walked out.

"Could anyone tell me what's going on here?" I asked with a bunch of curiosity.

"One second, there was a knock at the door and the next a stranger's hugging my parents" I said, hastily as my eyes drowsed.

"Dele's no stranger" Father remarked as he sat on the chair.

"We wanted to wait for you to finish the exams but we're excited for you to meet him" She said as she held me in her hands.

"Aaliyah, the one I take pride in. You know you're no longer a child-" She paused.

"Dele, meet Aaliyah. Aaliyah, meet Dele, your future husba-"

"Mum, don't. Please don't. I've had a very rough day, don't even finish that statement" I said as I walked off to my room.

"She'll come around, in the meantime, feel at home" My mum whispered to him.

"Could my day get any worse?" I eye rolled.