10-Visiting list

The piercing sound of my alarm clock jerked me awake. Trying to fall asleep was like starting a war in my head; with thoughts of Yoké fighting off every bit of sleep, with questions I didn’t know the answers to. Is he okay? Was he able to sleep? Or is he struggling like me, maybe spending the whole night wondering when I’d show up to take him away from that awful place… But as usual, sleep always conquers.

Although I set my alarm clock for two hours earlier than I usually wake up, I was full of energy and wide awake as soon as I heard it ring. I turned on the radio, wishing that I could turn the volume much higher than it already could go. I felt so excited! I would be seeing Yoké today!

I jumped into the shower, spending more time than I would on a regular day. I made sure to take a lot more time doing my make up and hair too.

I’ve watched hundreds of romantic movies of when the girl and the guy gets reunited after a break up, misunderstanding or whatever. I’ve seen their smile, from ear to ear, their warm and long embraces, their bubbliness coming together like two big waves crashing into one other. So happy. I wouldn’t have ever imagined that I’d one day be living my very own similar episode, but in real life. I’d be hugging my Yoké, seeing him again, holding him! Okay, maybe not really because I read that visitors are supposed to keep hugs short and to refrain from other sorts of physical displays of affection. But then it didn’t change the fact that I’d be seeing Yoké again, talking to him! I stopped midway, still holding my red lipstick to my bottom lip, in front of my dresser. This was like a dream. It felt too good to be true. Too good to be true. All of a sudden it felt like I was in the shadow of a heavy cloud, stopping just in front of the sun I had been basking in all morning. I felt disappointed, thinking: how can Yoké be in Duran, maybe it was all a big misunderstanding. Maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe Danlie Forbes was just some dark-skinned guy that I mistook for Yoké. Maybe my desperation got the best of me and… and- No. I shook my head. I know what I saw yesterday. Yoké was right before my eyes. He spoke to me. I heard his voice. His English accent. He spoke to me. I looked into his eyes. I could never mistake Yoké for someone else. Never. Even all this while, without him in my life, each time I closed my eyes I could see him. With my eyes closed, I could still touch his face and read the creases, edges and outlines as if they were brail. It was Yoké that I saw in that courtroom. I took a deep breath in and then smiled as I exhaled. I felt the dark cloud pass.

I read online that women need to wear a bra that doesn’t have a bra wire when visiting a prison inmate so that they can go past the metal detectors without a problem. They also mentioned that I need some sort of identification, so I took my driver’s license. I grabbed my coat and unlocked my front door.

“Good morning ma’am.” The security guard at the door greeted me as I locked the door. There was no need to lock it but I still did anyway. Plus, Rosalie has a spare key.

“Good morning!” I responded joyfully. “Ask Finn to get the other car ready, please.”

The security guard left his post. I was so excited for today that I felt like a little girl. Silly. I felt like skipping across the lawn to the car- my favorite car. Dad had gotten me this car for my sixteenth birthday. I remember him coming home early from work that day, joining my friends and I at the pool table. After wishing me over the loud music, he told me that he wanted to talk to me outside. I was expecting him to tell me that I would unfortunately not be getting anything that year since he had walked in empty-handed. I followed him outside. Added to the collection of cars we had in our parking lot, he pointed to the white BMW M2. I thought that he had bought a new car for himself. I knew that our guests never used this parking lot, always parked in front.

“You see that one?” He had said. “That one’s yours.”

I was first puzzled, but when he took the keys out of his pocket and handed it to me, it all became clear. I remember squealing and jumping up and down out of excitement. My first car. I could never forget that day.

Special car for a special day.

Finn was standing against the car when I arrived. The back seat door was already opened. He looked up from his phone as I approached. He quickly put his phone into his pocket as I let myself in. I closed the door before he could get the chance to.

“Good morning ma’am.” He said, getting into the driver’s seat.

“Good morning.” I responded. “Take me to Duran State Penitentiary.”

He started the car, put the heater on and turned the music up like I always liked.

As I sat quietly in the back seat I started anticipating our meeting. Would I be able to see him in there with those other criminals? Would I bare looking into his eyes again, without feeling like crying for being away from him for so long?

Duran State Penitentiary was a huge building. I removed my coat and dumped it in the car. Finn accompanied me to the reception area.

“Good day sir.” I greeted the police officer on the other side of the fence separating us.

“Hi ma’am.” He responded.

“Uh… I’m here to visit someone in there. He was admitted yesterday.”

“You mean an inmate?” He asked me chewing his bubble gum loud enough to be heard.

“Yes…”

He chuckled to himself. I don’t know what was funny about that. “What’s his name?”

“Yoké…”

“Is that the surname or the name?” He asked me pausing his chewing.

“His name.”

“So what’s his surname?”

“Uh… I’m not sure.”

“You know how many people in there probably have that name?”

“Oh, it’s one in million, sir.” I found myself smiling. “Probably just him.”

“Well I’ll try.” I heard the fast click-clacks of his computer keyboard. “You do know we have people from all countries in there.”

As he searched, my stomach felt tighter.

“Actually there is no one by that name.”

“Uh… Y-O-K-E with an acute on the top of the E.”

“So E acute?”

“Yes.”

“Strange name…” He muttered before trying again.

I waited, feeling my stomach get tighter and tighter.

“Nope.” He said shaking his head. “No one by that name here.”

“Try Danlie Forbes.” I told him.

He tried again.

“Yeah… I see him.” He said.

I felt relieved.

“And what’s the lady’s name?” He asked me.

“Genesis Roseburg.”

“Okay.” He said continuing to type away.

I looked over at Finn and he was surveying our surrounding.

“Unfortunately your name is not on his visiting list ma’am.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you can’t go see him unless your name is on his visiting list.”

“What?” I asked feeling my heart fall so hard. “So what do I have to do for my name to be on the list?”

“He has to approve. Get his lawyers to approach him and ask for your name to be put on the list.”

I didn’t even know what to say. I’ve come such a long way. A Grey BMW suddenly pulled up.

“If you ask him he’ll accept for me to see him. Tell him, Genesis Rose-”

“I’m sorry ma’am but I can’t do that.” The officer told me. “It’s not by the book. It’s just how the institution’s policy works. It’s crazy but yeah…”

A woman and a little girl stepped out of the grey car and stood behind me. Both redheads.

“So who is on his list then?” I asked feeling so disappointed.

“I’m sorry ma’am but I can’t give out such information.”

I sighed.

“Ma’am if you don’t mind. You are holding up the queue.”

I stepped away very reluctantly and let the woman and her child replace me.

I went into the car and sat in the passenger’s seat. I took out my phone and then dialed Steven’s number. He picked up instantly.

“Hi Steven.” I said feeling so relieved to hear him pick up so fast.

“Miss Roseburg.”

“Steven I’m here at the prison but can’t go see him because I’m not on his list.”

“Excuse me?”

“Danlie Forbes.” I said. “Apparently I need to be on his visiting list in order to be allowed to go see him. And the only way that can happen is if you come here and ask him to allow my name to be put on the list.”

“Okay…” Steven said awkwardly.

“Yeah, so I need you to please come over to the penitentiary and-”

“I’m sorry but I actually have a meeting that I’m about to get into right now.”

“Steven please, I really need to see him.” I was begging.

“I’m sorry Miss Roseburg. It’s actually not possible right now. In fact I’m booked for the whole day. Got a crazy schedule.”

“Please-”

“I’m sorry.” He then hung up.

I sat with my head in my hands for a while not knowing what to do next. I watched the woman speak to the officer and then enter the electrical gate.

I grabbed my purse and left the car.

“Hi.” I told the officer.

“Yes, ma’am?” He asked looking a little exasperated.

“If you put me on Danlie Forbes’ visitors list… I… I can give you something in return.” I told him trying my best to look as casual as possible.

“Like what?” He asked me, raising a bushy eyebrow.

“An amount…” I said looking around to make sure no one else was in ear shot. “Any… amount.”

“Like a bribe?” He asked me, the corner of his lips turning upward.

“Uh… yeah, something in that direction.” I laughed nervously. I was glad that he was being so cool about it. “I’ll write out the cheque…”

“You do know that offering bribes to correctional officer’s is a big offence and I can get you arrested right now, right?” His face now expressionless.

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “I’m sorry.”

“Please leave now before I turn you in.” He told me gently but firmly.

“Please understand that I really need to see the man in there. I haven’t seen him in a year and 4 months-”

“Ma’am I don’t care about that. Please leave before I turn you in.”

“Please officer.” I gave a last try.

“Ma’am we really should leave now.” Finn told me.

I looked at the electrical gate and how close to Yoké I possibly was. I sighed heavily and turned back to the car. I went to sit in the passenger seat with my head on the dashboard, completely defeated. I had to be at work in an hour from now. I didn’t even feel like going to work anymore. My phone rang, it was my dad. I wanted to reject the call. My thumb hovered above the reject button for a few seconds. I almost pressed reject but I changed my mind on the last second.

“Dad?” I didn’t care to try and hide the disappointment in my voice.

“Genesis come to my office as soon as you reach.” He said, sounding very upset.

I frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Just come to my office as soon as you get here.” He told me and then hanged up the call.

“Finn go to the office.” I said in monotone, all feelings positive that I might have had inside me, gone.

I stayed in the passenger seat even though father once told us to never sit in the passenger seat next to our driver. I didn’t care about anything right now, unless it involved Yoké.