Funerals....

When I thought of funerals, they were always cloudy. Gloomy weather, clouds, maybe rain. Dry plants and bare trees. Certainly I did not though of funerals with sunshine, cheerful birdsongs and colorful spring flowers in combination.

But just as was the funeral of my best friend Changying.

I could still not believe what was happening, even in the moment when I put a pink orchid on the fresh grave. Changying had loved orchids and pink was her favorite color in these flowers. Her coffin was decorated with pink orchids and white lilies. It would have pleased her. The thought brought tears to the eyes. Drops of tears trickled down my cheeks. 

I wiped my face and looked around. The other mourners were gone already, I saw two girls in a corner. Besides Changying's family and her closest friends, many classmates had been here. The news of her death had shocked us all and most could not believe that Changying, was gone, gone forever from all our lives.

I, myself, was unable to believe this.

Changying had been so happy in recent weeks. She was going great in all the aspects of her life. Her grades were great, and recently she had been together with her new boyfriend, Shen. Why should she have to kill herself in this situation? 

In addition, it was something else that made me doubt that it was a suicide. My hand, unintentionally, went inside my black bag and I felt my mobile that I had kept inside my bag. I remembered the last messages I had received from Changying.

 When I told Changying's mother, that Changying was found dead in the park, I thought that it was my responsibitly to share with her the last news that I had with me, of my best friend, with only some trustworhty people. I had shown the messages only to Changying's parents and then the police.

Changying was depressed and worried. She felt low.

She had messaged me about her being worried, but I could not talk to her much regarding this because of our exams. I, also, assumed that it was the exam pressure that was making Changying behave like this. And, I assumed that this was all going to be temporary.

Although Changying had always been a good student, but here it was not just about a simple class work. We were in high school, and our future depended upon on scores. She was pretty good in studies and I had just thought that she was nervous about her performance in the exams. 

As I stood near Chnagying’s grace, I blamed myself that I had not taken her worries seriously. 

I decided that I would share all that I know with Changying’s parents and the police. 

A lot was going in my mind. This certainly could not have been a suicide. Changying was a bright student. One big change that she experienced in her life recently was getting into a relation with Shen.

Maybe it was another student, who murdered Changying. Maybe, someone loved Changying and he killed her out of jealousy because she was with Shen. No, this can’t be true.

Maybe, I read too many detective stories and watch many TV serials, but I could not just ignore any of my thoughts at this moment. After all, it was a very strange coincidence that she sent me these messages and a few days before her death.

left quietly from Changying and made my way home. Changying's parents had planned no big memorial service after the actual funeral, they wanted to spend the day with the family, what could I understand. I probably would not have wanted it otherwise, I would have been in their place. At the main gate waiting for me a surprise. Shen stood there, his hands deep into his jacket pockets and his eyes on the cemetery. When he saw me, he took his hands out of his pockets and took a step toward me.

"Hey," he greeted me when I reached him.

"Hey." For a moment we stood there in silence until he pointed to the street.

"Shall I take you?"

"Do you have an extra wait for me here?" I asked a counter-question, but sat directly back into motion. Shen put his hands back into his jacket pockets and shrugged short shoulders.

"I ... maybe." Talkative he did not seem to be, but I could understand that day in any case. His girlfriend was found dead a few days ago and now her funeral had been. I was not very talkative today, too much for me went around in my head. To all these thoughts now also the question of why Shen had been waiting for me came. But actually, I could almost imagine. Certainly he wanted to talk about Changying and I was, after all, been her best friend. However, I just was not then to talk to anyone about Changying. We reached his car and he opened the passenger door for me.

"Thanks," I muttered before I got in and buckled me. Shen took in the driver's seat and started the car, but strapped in until he had already been approached. He forgot to buckle up happy times, I remembered one of Changying's many stories about him. Again my eyes began to burn. Changying was missing, I could not really realize always that she was dead and I would never see her again. I turned my head to the side and blinked a few times because I did not want to cry in front of Shen. Where it would have been understandable in this situation when I cried.