3 The Guilt

Two hours after the dinner, Alex is still in a cafe. Though it is already late, she doesn't want to go home. She thinks all of the possible reasons how she can convince her granny to call off the agreement she has with Carlos’ grandfather but until now, she couldn't think of a good plan. If she is a straight woman, maybe she would consider it since Carlos looks nice and he is like the type of man that you can boss around. If a woman marries her, it would be easy for her to make him do whatever she wants. But she is not that type of person, she doesn't even consider herself as a woman. Marrying a man is way beyond her dreams. For her, it is a nightmare.

She never checked her phone since she left the hotel. She heard it ringing many times and she was sure it is from her mother, so she didn't pick it up. She is also mad at her. How could she not say anything when her daughter's future is at stake. Alex doesn't expect her to go against her granny but at least she should have said something.

Her phone keeps ringing, so she decided to finally pick it up.

"Hello."

"Where are you, Alex? Why aren't you picking up? I have been calling you for more than 20 times now." Mrs. Lopez’s voice sounds worried. Alex smiled by the thought of her mom still worried at her. She felt moved.

"I was busy chatting with my teammates. I didn't hear my phone ringing."

"I am now in the hospital. We had to rush your grandmother in the emergency room. She had a mild heart attack."

Alex froze hearing the news from her mom.

"Come here, Alex. You know how much your grandma loves you. I'm sure she will be happy if you are here." Her mom pleads.

Alex couldn't help but feel guilty about what happened to her grandmother. She knew that she has a cardiomyopathy. Her doctor advised her to avoid stressful situations. Alex shouted at her in the restaurant. It might have triggered her condition.

Alex immediately took a cab and went to the hospital address that her mom sent her. She is so worried at her granny. She cannot forgive herself if something happens to her.

In the hospital..

Her granny is now in the ICU (intensive care unit) with a lot of tubes connected to her body. Some cables monitor her heart rate, blood pressure and respiration rate. A face mask, which is for oxygen is covering her nose and mouth. She also has a tube connected to her wrist that then splits to two fluid containers. Her granny hates feeling pain, so she always takes care of her body but here she is now. Alex can't imagine how much pain she has gone through for all of this. She wants to think that her granny is just making things up and when she tells her that she would marry Carlos, she would jump out from her bed and tell them that she is now okay but this is not the case. She is lying there, looking so helpless because of her.

Alex stayed outside the ICU, looking at her granny on bed. She utters a short prayer from time to time for her granny.

When Alex felt tired standing by the glass window, she sat down on the bench near the door. She finally noticed Carlos sitting on the opposite bench, looking tired.

"Did you see her having an attack?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. I was sitting beside her in the car."

"Why are you still here? You are not her relative. You should go and take a rest now."

"I will stay here till morning. I can't leave you here alone."

"Do I look weak to you? I may be a woman physically, but I am strong."

"Yeah, right. That's why you were crying there like a child for two hours now."

"That's my granny lying there in the ICU. Of course, I'm worried about her!"

Carlos stood up and left. Alex felt relieved. She prefers to be alone at this moment to think. She blames herself for what happened to her granny. After two minutes, Carlos came back with two coffee cups in hand. He handed one to Alex.

"Here! You need this."

Alex refused at first, but her pride is not important at this time. She was surprised at what Carlos did next. He sat beside her, held her cheek, pulled her head to lean against his shoulder. She felt stiff. She could smell his cologne. It smells good. She can also feel the hard muscle from his shoulder. She wants to sit up properly but her body didn't move.

"It is not your fault. It is a normal reaction for someone who is as young as you. I also did the same thing when I first heard about it. When they showed me your picture, I felt relieved because I knew that time that you are not a straight woman, so I stopped arguing with my grandpa. I know I can't say no to him anyway. I think you have to do the same thing. We can get married, but we don't need to live together. We can still do whatever we want. We can meet women together. We can be close friends, best friends even. Our grandparents are not that young anymore, let's just make them happy by not hurting them and ourselves. Okay? Don't worry. I will protect you if you would just trust me."

Alex thought about what he said. He is right. The two of them don't need to rebel against their families. Anyway, they can get a divorce anytime they want later. And he seems nice. She sat up straight and started sipping her coffee.

"You don't need to answer now. I'm just giving you suggestions. You don't need to accept it." He said calmly. "Lean on my shoulder and get some rest. I know you're so tired now. You need energy tomorrow."

Alex can't help but to admire this man. He is still young, but he talks very mature. His way of thinking is so different from hers. While she taught of the things she couldn't do anymore after she marries this guy, he, on the other hand, thought of how he can make his grandpa happy and making friends with me. Alex felt asleep leaning on his shoulder, something she also didn't expect she would do all her life.

The next day came and Alex's parents already arrived at the hospital. They were surprised to see their daughter sleeping beside a man. What's more surprising is she is leaning on his shoulder. Her father, Miguel Lopez, smiled looking at the sight. His hope of his daughter becoming a real woman is finally alive.

Alex woke up with her parents in front of her. Though she knew that she was leaning on Carlos shoulder, she pretended nothing happened.

"How is granny?"

"She is still unconscious but her vital signs are getting stable." Mr. Lopez replied. "You'd better go home now. I already called your school. You are excused for today." He then looked at Carlos. "You can join Alex. Your stuff is in the guest room. Please feel at home."

Alex and Carlos left the hospital. The family driver took them to the mansion of the Lopez's.

In the car, they were so quiet. Alex fells awkward sitting beside Carlos. She never experienced feeling awkward beside a man before.

"Do you want to drop by a convenience store to have breakfast? I'm craving for instant noodle. I am not allowed to eat anything instant at home" Carlos asked Alex.

"Mr. Santos, kindly bring us to convenience store first." Alex told the driver. Alex was raised calling all their house helpers and employees with Miss and Mister.

Carlos took two Korean noodles from the convenience store. After paying, he added hot water in them. Alex just settled in one of the vacant tables. She was used to taking care of her partner when she has a date. When she goes out with friends, she takes care of her own food. She is not used to being taken care of by someone. Carlos prepared the cupped noodle in front of her and unwrap the chopsticks. He also opened the bottled drinks for her.

Alex can't determine what feeling she is having right now. It is not the feeling of disgust and not also happiness. She is feeling touched by his actions. She feels satisfied being taken care of. She feels special. She feels worried for this man who looks very tired and sleepy. She tried to brush the feeling off. She is a man trapped in a woman's body. She shouldn't have this kind of feeling.

They finished eating and headed home. In the car, Carlos was sleeping. Alex couldn't help but to examine his face by glancing at him secretly. He actually doesn't look bad at all. In fact, he is handsome. He has pointed nose and his eyelashes are too long and dark. He is not bad to be anyone's boyfriend. He is not bad to be Alex's boyfriend.