PART 1: CHAPTER 7

She suddenly looked thinner than she was, and her brown skin looked pale. I ran my hands through my hair hating that I was the cause of her being so upset.

She took a huge gulp from her glass and hissed. "You need to think rationally Miracle, think with your head not your heart"

"We battle not against flesh and blood But against principalities and power against the___"

"Fuck all that trash. If there is any principality then He is the principality and power. Have you not given enough for him eh? have you not? You left your family for him, friends, job. You have given your life even your body for him yet he doesn't appreciate it. Who is the principality now? who is the devil.? Answer me Miracle, who is?" She hissed.

"You have to accept that you can't ever make your home perfect like your parents own are because Cletus is not a perfect man. He is not even a good man or a good person. He is a monster! He doesn't love you when will you accept defeat and live him alone!"

She was making a point but I was too blinded by my love for Cletus to realise it. I wasn't being a Christian l was being stupid. I was sure that even God in heaven would be ashamed of me. He didn't create me to be trampled upon but here I was being trampled upon By a man.

God would want me to fight for myself, but here I was fighting against myself. How can he help me when I can't even help myself.

"It's enough! Lets just talk about other things!" I begged. She glared at me with anger as if I had grown another head. 

"Please Babe I will think about all you have said, but I came here to have my moment of respite, to be happy just this once, to speak to a friend about the good things of life so that I can remember that there is still hope for me and for my daughter. Please let me have it."

"Alright fine!" She shrugged, taking the last gulp of her wine. "Fine. Let's talk about other things. Let me create the bubble you need."

"Thank you." I smiled, inhaling deeply.

"They are missing you. They ask me of you every single day. There is no day that your dad walks into the office that he doesn't ask me if I have seen you. I have never seen a dad who loves his child that much and I should know because my dad is useless. You are lucky to have a Dad like him Zara."

I smiled sadly as a tear drop fell down my eyes. I immediately wiped it out. "I miss them too."

"When will you go home. They want to see you?"

I swallowed deeply as another tear fell down my eyes. My heart beat accelerated. I stared at my fingers as I twisted them into knots until they hurt. 

Gozie would not understand the pain, the confusion, and the shame I felt. I already had her so worked up earlier. I needed to give her peace. Only I deserve to suffer, I couldn't let anyone else suffer for the decision I had so stubbornly made that led me here now. I put myself in this situation and I won't let anyone else pay for it.

"How's work?" I asked.

She gave me a wry smile knowing that I was not going to give in into talking to her about my problems, and plans (even though I didn't have any).  

"Work is fine your Dad......"