PART 1: CHAPTER 2

His eyes were beginning to clear, the alcohol was wearing off fast. He was no longer struggling to maintain balance on his feet and this scared me more.

The truth was alcohol never really did much to him. I realized this while we were still dating. It took a lot for him to get drunk and very little for him to get out of his drunken state.

Even though I was scared now I still honored my resolve as tears continued to flow down my cheeks.

"I am not letting you go. You must answer me today. Tell me what I've done oh, tell me!" I yelled tightening my grip on his shirt.

"You don't want to let me go ba! Let me warn you now Miracle, If I should touch you, you will not live to tell the story. Leave me alone now you slut!"

He pushed me away with so much force I nearly hit my head on the wall. But that was not what hurt me the most, it was his words that cut me deep.

I stood still sobbing and shaking as I stared at him in pain.

"Ah Cletus so now you call me a slut! Cletus! Since when? Me, miracle, slut? after keeping myself for you all these years. After everything, after I rejected all the men that came for my hand in marriage just for you Cletus, for you! I kept myself for you until our wedding night and now you have the grace to call me a slut. Me, Miracle your wife?"

"God why! Why do I have to go through this! Have I not worshipped you with all my heart? have I not kept to the words of the Bible and the catechism. " I asked no one in particular. I looked up at the ceiling waiting for answers. Catarrh began to fall from my nose as a result of excessive crying. My head started to pound but I was carried away by the pain. Intoxicated by it.

The worst part was not that he called me a slut, it was that he had no remorse whatsoever for doing so. It felt like he purposely wanted to cause me pain.

"Stop using that line on me like you Don't know what you did. When you were sleeping with my boss you didn't know you were married? you didn't know the words of the gospel and the words of the Bible? you didn't know all that when you went to a hotel with him and slept with him. You didn't think you should keep yourself for me abi?"

"You! You opened your legs wide for him to make use of you. And now you stand here crying, you hypocrite. You disgust me!" He screamed. He grabbed my shoulders pushing me back and fort angrily. I winced from the pain of his grip and I tried to get his hands off me.

I was sure that wherever he held me would bruise tomorrow because I was light in complexion and his grip was so tight. But it was not the bruise I was worried about it was his words.

"You are hurting me Cletus!" I cried out. "You know I had no choice it was either that or our daughter dies. I couldn't stay still and watch my daughter die Cletus I just couldn't. And besides you have been cheating on me weigh before then or have you forgotten?"

"Tell me, If I didn't do it where would we have been now? In the slumps. At least the only time I cheated I did it for us, for our family or Would you have had me choose my body over my daughter? Would you?" I asked crying. I was looking deep in his eyes waiting for an emotion even if it was pity just the slightest bit of emotion but I saw nothing. All I saw was a monster ready to devour me if I did not back away immediately.

"Oh so now if I cheat you cheat too. You have forgotten that I am a man and you are a woman. I am the head of this home and I can do whatever I like, whatever! I can sleep with whoever I like too. You are under me you should obey and respect me. You should be happy that I even come home to you."

"Some of my friends do not even bother going home to their wife's, yet their wife's do not complain or behave like a rabid animal like you do because they know their place. They know their place as subject to their husbands but you don't. Your parents sure did not prepare you for marriage and I will soon send you back to them so that they can train you well. I will not have a rabid dog in the same home with me, Never! You must learn your place either by hook or by crook."

"Cletus I loved you even when you were poor that's why I fought to be with you against every one, against all odds__but our daughters life was at stake and your boss was not going to help me until I slept with him. I begged him, I knelt down and cried to him but he turned a deaf ear to my plea."

"When the Doctor threatened that if we didn't pay the bills he was going to kick Ezinne out of the hospital without performing the operation I had no other choice but to give in. You had no money on you then and no bank was going to give you a loan without collateral or have you forgotten?"

"Remember that I tried every available means to raise the money but they all turned futile. I begged and cried, all I didn't do was steal or sleep around. I remained faithful to you and to our vows. But when I could not raise the money before the day of the operation on Ezinne I had to give in to your boss's demands you know that I had no other choice, my Ezinne's life was at stake."

"I am you wife not your slave Cletus. Please stop all these things you do, you are killing me slowly, please. Let's just let go of the past and live happily I beg of you."

"We are still young and we still have a lot of years and enough time by God's grace. Lets start all over again and make things right as partners. We are husband and wife not slave and master. Please go back to the Cletus I loved and married. This is not the Cletus I loved and married."

"This man here is not who you really are. You were kind, loyal and loving when you didn't have much why not remain the same now. You know that my love is real, I was with you and I fought by your side when you had nothing so now that you have something why not treat me right. "

"At least let me enjoy a little the fruit of my suffering please stop doing this to me. Stop ruining our marriage. Please I love you Cletus I belong to you and no other, you are my husband and my life. Even if for now you feel that you don't love me anymore I promise to do anything you want me to in other to make you love me again, just give me another chance."

"You own me and you know that. Please allow God to touch your heart so that you can change, please ." I sobbed, holding tight the hem of my baggy shirt for support. My heart was starting to ache from all the tears."

"I have no time for this, woman learn your place. If you are going to keep living with me then you should know that you are doing so on your own peril. if you can't take the way I treat you then you should leave! It's that simple." He roared, finally letting go of me.

He pushed me with so much force I fell hard on the tiled floor with my buttocks.

"Stay away from me!" He warned, before sprinting up the stairs. I knew that at that point he felt something but he didn't want to show it, he didn't want me to see it.

That's what he does, run away from me when he was beginning to feel, so I don't see the real him. Or maybe I was just imagining things holding on to the tiniest bit of hope when there was Nothing to hope on.

We both knew that I couldn't leave him. Where would I start from? My parents won't accept me not after I disregarded their wishes and married Cletus. I had no job since Cletus felt insecure about me working.

I could not afford to leave home with my daughter and end up on the streets. I could also not afford to leave my daughter in the hands of Cletus. She would definitely never forgive me and she would know nothing but unimaginable pain and suffering if she stays alone with him.

I couldn't leave Cletus also. He was my legally wedded husband and the church forbade divorce. I didn't want to sin against God by divorcing him. Besides I loved him so much and I made a vow to be with him for better or for worse. Even if it has always been for the worse.

If I should leave him people would laugh at me. My friends and my relations would say "I thought we told her not to get married to him now she has run away from the said marriage we warned her about." They won't take pity on me, they would only laugh at me. I didn't want to be a laughing stock neither did I want to be a divorcee. I wanted to answer Mrs and I wanted to remain married. I wanted to make my home perfect just like my parents.

I am too ashamed. I cannot go back neither can I fail.

Thinking about all of this I had no choice but to cry out to God for his help.

"Oh Lord where is the Cletus I married, Lord Where, Where? Please I need your help, bring him back to me please." I sobbed profusely.

I picked my self from the ground, immediately slumped on the coach and rested my head on the arm chair.

I cried myself to sleep that night asking God questions upon questions in frustration even though I knew I would get no answers.