ACT-2

I had only just now left the cafe and was still on the road, driving aimlessly; knowing anything is better then going to what's waiting for me at home. Plus, I needed to let off some steam.

As I was contemplating this, I got a call from Saira. Why am I even surprised? Knowing all too well what she was about to give me a lecture on, I didn't bother attending the call. When I did this, she started bombarding me with text messages, one of them saying this,

"Can you stop overreacting for once?! For Godsake Zaira, you are worrying Mom and Dad!"

Apart from this, the siblings group was overflowing. Everyone had an opinion on how selfish and careless I was acting and should stop being a brat for once.

'Nice. Nice.'

So, I did what I always do when I am very pissed off. Shut people off. Switching off my phone, I drove to my favourite ice cream place. Sat there for a while, eating my chocolate gelato and staring at people.

When it had been an hour, I drove back home. Too bad that everyone was up and ready to bash me.

"Where the hell were you! Is this the time to get home?! And why was your phone switched off?! If this is how you are going to act then from today onwards you are not going anywhere! Just sit at home! Enough with your studies!" Dad chastised full on and my heart beat caught up with me. But as I was so done today, I wasn't too affected by it.

Gulping down my tears, I went ahead and kept the keys on the table, all the while dad was still talking/shouting at me. Mum didn't tone him down, instead stood with him and encouraged him here and there.

"ZAIRA! I am talking to you!" Dad shouted and I turned to him slowly to respond in a small voice.

"I know, Dad." I said this with tears stinging the corner of my eyes to watch him gape at me stupefied. I had never talked this way with them before in my whole life and I am not proud of it either but I was so done.

Following this, I took quick steps and went upstairs to my room. Crashing on my bed face down, I covered my eyes with my hand but tears still managed to seep through the slits between my fingers.

'I am so done, oh Allah.'

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The next morning, I left earlier than usual. Didn't want to piss off Papa bear first thing in the morning.

So, as usual I was going through my shift until I realized that I had forgotten to turn back my phone on.

'Oops. Silly me. Got so caught up in wrecking havoc.'

When I turned it back on, the only thing that caught me by surprise were his calls. One missed call last night and two—this morning?Wait, what?

'What the heck does he want now?! That--!' I was mentally abusing him when I saw his text message.

"I am waiting, outside your hospital. Call me when you get this."

What...the..?

It was timed three hours ago. I looked at my screen skeptically; recalling his words from last night.

"You are daddy's spoilt little princess. You demand these things of people, like they owe it to you. But, I see no reason as to why I should care about what you want."

A sudden feeling of gloom swept over me and I turned my phone silent instead of returning his calls. He must have left by now. I thought in attempts to bail out of feeling guilty.

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I watched the speedometer as it exceeded from 120mph to 150 while I drove on the deserted motorway. Slowly losing the pressure on the accelerator, I came to a gradual halt. With the car parked on one side of the road and blinkers on, I lowered my head on the steering wheel. As the memories came clawing at me, a stream of tears rolled down my cheeks and dripped down my chin.

I came home after work today, to find everyone busy in the preparations of the Engagement ceremony tomorrow. I tried to by pass my parents and go upto my room when Dad called me over.

"Yes, Dad?" I asked slowly, coming to stand infront of him while he took his call. I glanced at Mom, who was busy shouting orders at everyone. Am I really going to go along with this crap? I was wondering, when Dad interrupted me.

"So, we have decided to change the event from engagement to nikah. Afterall, we have to prepare for your visa, which will take a few months---" He was saying, but I had stopped listening after the first line.

"what...?" It came out as a whisper but he must have seen something on my face, because he froze and then after a pause, continued with a sigh.

"Zaira. We thought--" I didn't let him finish, instead backed away.

"--How could you......why..." My lips quivered and tears fell down my eyes. I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks as I pressed a trembling hand to my mouth. My Dad watched me with surprise as I slowly backed away. I realized then that it had gotten quiet. Completely silent and all the attention was on me. I glanced at my Mom who looked at me with, embarrassment? Pity? Anger? Disappointment? I couldn't decide.

All my life, all I wished and hoped for was to be saved from this fate. Everything I ever did  turned to ashes right now. I felt pathetic and wondered for the millionth time, will I always have to suffer so?

"I..." I finally gasped through my tears. My voice quivered as I turned my head up to look at them, but tears clouded my vision and I lost my voice. No words came out, as I stood there, gaping in front of them like a fool until finally turning around and sprinting for my room.

Locking the door to my room, I ran into the washroom and stepped into the shower. The sound of the water splashing onto my clothed body, drained the noises in my head . As I dropped to the floor, curling over myself, I cried and cried, letting the water wash away my tears while I sobbed. Mourning, for the loss of all that I never had and the loss of all that, which I will never have now.

A few hours, late into the midnight, I had packed my bags with all my documents and run away from home. I was on my way to Lahore to hide there for the time being at a friend's place. But realized now that I had made the mistake of bringing the car. I would easily be found out because of it.

I was having these thoughts when I heard a sharp knock on my window. My heartbeat picked up as I slowly lifted my head.

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Looking away from the glitters of my dress which my fingers were guilty of assaulting at the moment, I turned to Dad, who had a blank look on his face. My throat felt parched and tears threatened to escape from my eyes as I looked away from him and uttered the dreaded words.

"Qabool hai." My gaze found Dad again as the Moulvi repeated his question.

"Qabool hai?" Dad nodded his head at me and I hid from his anticipating gaze, blinking away the unshed tears.

"Qabool hai." My voice came out raspy, from somewhere far away while tears glazed my cheeks.

"Qabool hai?" By now, I had to bite down on my lips to silence the sobs. My lips quivered as I answered in a trembling voice.

"Qabool...hai." It was done. It's over. My vision became blurry with my eyes fixated to the wall in front of me. Subconsciously, I could hear the sounds of 'Mubarak ho' (congrats) but my brain refused to register anything. All I could think of was, what now?

I was pulled out of my daydream when Dad bent down to wrap his arms around my shoulders and pull me against himself. I closed my eyes tightly at this, in attempts to ignore the pangs of hurt, rising up in my heart. When I opened them, I found him looking back at me with tears brimming in his eyes. Happy, tired, relived tears.

"May Allah bless you with beautiful Naseeb (fate)." He couldn't help himself but add in a voice laced with tears, before he placed a kiss against my temple. I blinked away my tears when he ripped his hold off of me and went out after others, leaving me alone in my room. However, to his words my mind could scream only one thing.

'Why? Why do I have to go through this again?'

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I came out, after Mom came in to get me. Outside wasn't any different from my anticipation. Everyone was happy. Everyone except the two paramount figures. His face was passive as usual. Although he did make an exception and wore a traditional white shalwar kameez this time. Our eyes met when mom escorted me to take a seat beside him on the sofa. He looked at me for a moment only, his eyes giving nothing away. I didn't stare either but as I was about to sit down, he scooted to the far side, so we had enough distance between us.

Sitting there, like a circus show while they happily took our pictures made me think, who's happiness are we talking about, again?

"Ma sha Allah. Such a beautiful couple." It was Dad who said this as he came and gave us salaami. His hand patting my head for a bit longer than Rayyan.

"Ring ceremony!" Rayyan's Uncle called out, as his Mom brought forth the rings.

I only bothered to turn my face to him while extending out my hand. My eyes wandered upto his face who glanced at me for only a second before gently taking hold of my outstretched hand and sliding the ring on.I couldn't take my eyes off of him the entire time. He looked up at me as Mum handed me a ring. His face was blank. Barren of emotions.

I, on the other hand felt devastated and was sure looked the part too. Breaking eye contact with him I took the band and slipped it onto his finger, unconsciously making sure that I don't touch him.

Everyone started applauding and giving us their blessings. This time I didn't bother to fake a smile. I just wanted all this to end now.

"I think the kids should get to know each other better, before Rayyan leaves the day after tomorrow." Uncle mentioned and I didn't respond or think anything of it.

"Why don't you guys go out tomorrow?" His Uncle proposed and Auntie answered.

"Yes, what do you guys think?" She directed the question towards my parents, who finally got to have a say.

"Bhaabi (sister-in-law), she is your daughter now. Whatever you guys and Rayyan think is best is fine with us." Dad replied, caudally and I smirked internally. What am I? A herd for sale, now?

"Rayyan, it's decided then--" Uncle was saying when Rayyan cut him off.

"Says who?" He asked casually but loud and clear. Everyone stopped doing what they were doing and turned to him. Even I couldn't help but look up.

"Excuse me?" His Dad asked him.

"You don't get a say. It's our choice and we will decide what we want to do." He remarked matter of factly and I gaped at him astounded. Everyone was stunned to silence but before they could manage their wits he turned to me.

"Do you want to go?" His voice was soft as he asked me this, eyebrows raised slightly in question. Without thinking, my head shook in a 'no', not realising what I did until it was done. His mouth formed a lazy grin at this and I found myself smiling with him slightly, for real the first time today.

"It's decided then." He announced, turning to everyone who were aghast at our performance. I stole a glance at Mom and Dad who were trying to hide their embarrassment at my antics and despite myself I could feel a sense of guilt burning in the pits of my heart.