Chapter 3

Kioni

I have no idea why I make myself run because it’s not something I enjoy but deep down there is this urge that makes me run. Today was different and I woke up with a need to run the extra mile this morning without care that my head was pounding, and my mind was going crazy. I dreamt the same nightmare but last night it was different and I’m not sure if it was a memory or part of my subconscious wanting to remember but it had put me off and couldn’t sleep after I woke up drenched in sweat after 4 pm. After my run, I decided to go to work early so I can speak to my father who is also my therapist. He is the one who has listened to me for the past 10 years and decided to adopt me.

No one came looking for me and there was never a case reported of a missing 16-year-old in the city. There was a search, but it went cold as time progressed. It was as if I did not exist because I was never enrolled in the local schools and I never had anything on social media that was traceable. I was or still am a moving ghost but I’m grateful that someone decided to show interest in me. Wayne Parker the man I call my father really took me as one of his own and his wife Celeste is the best mother I know. I owe everything to them and that’s why being a psychologist came to be my career because I can help people just the same.

When I reached the office, my heels were clicking very loud as I was walking rapidly that I almost dropped the two cups of coffee I had in my hands because I was walking with determination and needed to speak to him. I reached for his office and knocked but the was no answer.

“Hello,” I said opening the door, “Dad?” I spoke walking in.

I walked to his desk with a sigh and placed the coffee on the table.

“Ki, sweetheart this is a pleasant surprise,” I turned around smiling.

“Hey, I dropped by to say hello,” I walked toward opening my arms for a hug and he takes me in a big bear hug, and it feels nice. “And I need to talk to you about something,” I said releasing my arms from the hug to look at him.

“Everything alright?” he asked hanging his jacket on the wall and walking “One of this mine?” he added pointing to the coffee on the table.

“Yes,” I said with a weak voice before I grabbed my coffee and flopped on the patient couch.

He hummed with a nod sipping the hot beverage, “I know this is not a father-daughter visit so what’s going on in that pretty head of yours this time?” He knows me too well.

“Can’t I drop by and have a chat with my dad before patients arrive?” I looked at him.

He smirked, “Then why are sitting on the patient seat?” he asked. It’s true because I sit on the couch when I need a therapy session of my own.

“Force of habit,” he gave me a pointed look and calling me out on my bluff because he knew he was right, “Ok you a right something happened last night,” I spilled out.

Every time I look at him, I’m always reminded of how safe and easy it is to open up to him. He has not changed much over the years. He was aging well with his dark brown eyes that always gave me that fatherly glint. He has an active body for a 50-year-old, and he dresses neatly. He has ever worn 2 colors in the years I have known him black or navy suits, brown shoes the only thing he wears differently are his ties because mom took charge and said he needed more color in his life. I smile remembering they have never let me feel out of place from day one.

“Ki are you zoning off again?” he said looking at me sipping his coffee before pushing his chair and sitting down.

Focus Ki, tell him about the dream.

“My dream was different last night,” I held my cup a little tighter.

There was that silence which meant he was waiting for me to carry on as he sipped his coffee. Very shrink of him I observe. I do the same with my patients. I took a sip of my coffee and placed it on the table before I cleared my throat to continue.

“I mean, the dream was the same but there was more this time. I saw two figures but couldn’t see their faces and I started to run only to collide with the wall but this time a pin didn’t drop but it was something bigger. I saw it fall but can’t seem to picture what dropped it’s like that part has been scrambled or erased. I tried to focus but before I could have a clear picture there were flashing lights and the screeching sound and then nothing.” I sighed before I held my wrist looking down. I always play with my wrists every time I talk about my dreams. I forgot to wear my watch again I noticed as I looked at my father.

“You forgot to wear your watch today,” he observed, and I simply nodded. I don’t like wearing a watch it makes me uncomfortable.

A lot of things make me uncomfortable and it sounds silly, but he has been patient with me. The first time he got me a watch I couldn’t put it on my wrist without shaking. It was as if something in my brain was trying to click but all I ended up having was a headache.

“How many hours of sleep did you get last night?” I looked at him thinking.

 “3 hours at first with the usual dream and another hour this time the dream was different. I think 4 hours tops,” I shrugged, “What does this mean? Do you think it’s a memory?” I asked getting up before I start to pace in his office.

“4 hours of sleep is barely enough rest.”

“Yes, I know,” I said before I stopped pacing putting my hand on my hips.

“Ki, I understand you want to remember every memory but the dream,”

I don’t want to hear him say the next words. He is going to say it my subconscious trying to remember memories and that I’m projecting my dream to make it more real but in the end.

“In the end, repressed memories can make you think of dreams as real events when in fact dreams are dreams,” and I knew all this because we have had the same conversations during our sessions whenever I had a memory or dream.

“Please, can you stop treating me like a patient now dad? I hate when you do that.”

“You are right. You are my daughter above all else,”  he spoke with pride as he looked at me, “but it’s been ten years almost eleven since the accident and I know more than anything you want to remember. You didn’t sleep well last night with good reason. How about we talk about what kept you up last night? Tell me about your day yesterday.”

Of course, he was going to make this dream about yesterday, but my gut felt there was more to this and it was like something close at the tip of my tongue and yet so far away. Why couldn’t I remember more than my name if that was even my real name? How come no one reported a missing person’s case about me? Questions I will never stop asking until I know the truth. I sighed and resigned to being a patient as I walked back to sit on the couch choosing sanity over mysteries.

James

“Morning Detective Pega,”

“Morning Sheila,’ I spoke walking into the station to my desk.

“PEGA,” I heard a shout and muttered under my breath pausing hoping the shout was all in my head, “In my office now,” clearly real chief Romans was in the office already.

Why the hell was his car not in the parking lot? I would have pretended to go in the locker room or evidence and came out looking as if I had started work an hour ago. I moved my feet and walked to his office before closing the door. Not that it would help because the walls were thick and his voice was already high. Reminds me of my PE Coach their voice boxes were strong. 

“This is the second time you have been late in a week and not to mention behind on your work,”

“I know chief it’s all-“

“Your fault,” he interjected, “I don’t have time for this what is happening with the Hernandez case? I got a call from the district attorney and they are on my ass because they are friends with the mayor. What have you found out so far?” He asked looking at me while leaning behind his chair.

“I’m waiting on a lead,” I lied.

“Work faster you have until Thursday to close this case,”

“You have to be joking that’s barely a week,”

“Thursday Pega,” he responded focusing on his file. He wasn’t shouting but that order was loud and clear.

“Fine Thursday,” I nodded walking out.

“I need it before midday Thursday,”

He had to go there, really? I spun around looking at him, “You have got to be kidding chief? I said I had a lead I need more time,” I lied again.

“Pega get out of my office and get working on that lead of yours. Thursday midday. This case has to be closed.” He added not looking up at me as he went back to reach an open file on his desk.

I sighed and walked out without another word. This case was the talk because rich Esther Hernandez claims her ex-boyfriend Elijah stole her car and watch over thirty grand that was in the glove compartment. The whole story is ridiculous and messy on top of a waste of my precious time.