Chapter 4

Violen POV

Have you ever experienced the same thing as what I experienced? Like someone, but can only secretly admire. You can feel how heavy this is, right ?. Sometimes my heart can act selfishly. I want to have the whole Daren. I want Daren to love me back I want Daren to know how I feel about him

But? Logic still makes me aware. Anything that is forced will only result in dire circumstances. Likewise, love is not it ?. What should be holy must be tarnished by a selfish presence.

Then suddenly, one day, my world seemed to change 180 degrees. The person I like half to death now seems to open their heart. Give me space to enter into his world. What other reaction can I give to that other than a 'wish' .I want to grasp the opportunity that could be a good thing in my life later.

Ever since I dared to contact Daren, everything flowed like a calm river current. I discussed many things with him, even though our chat was still through conversation, like today, when I didn't have class. I sat on the balcony of the room, smiling unclearly, reading the message on my cellphone.

"I always pay attention to you whenever you don't see me in class," Daren chat with me.

"Is it true? I also do the same thing".

"You mean you also pay attention to me often?"

"Yeah, I did it secretly without you knowing," I replied again.

"Okay," Daren replied briefly.

"Why? Are you upset because of me? "

"No, that's not it."

"So what?" I replied. At that time, Daren only read my message. After that, there was no reply. I tried to be patient to wait for an answer from her message. But the minutes passed, Daren still didn't reply to my message.

For the first time, I felt anxious uncertainty. Maybe because before, Daren always replied to my messages. I also read my chat with Daren beforehand, hoping to calm my heart.

Do you know how cute he is to me? I don't know how many times I repeated reading the chat that Daren sent me. Like 'I like the way you dress, you know violent ?, not all girls can get my number, I think you're special because it's only you I sent that letter, I thought you were beautiful in your own way'.

I was too engrossed in rereading every Daren chat. It surprised me when my phone rang. I almost dropped my cellphone.

"Hello," I said picking up the incoming call

"What are you doing?" asked Lesley

"There is no"

"then?"

"What?"

"You don't intend to help me at the café? I thought you were in trouble, "Lesley said sarcastically. I glanced at the clock in my room. It was almost evening. I patted myself on the forehead.

"Oh my God, I'm really sorry."

"Great, I'm waiting for you" Lesley's words sounded like a threat to me.

******

"I lost my shoulder," said Lesley languidly. She laid her head on the café table. The sun has been taking turns guarding the sky with the moon. My reverie was getting longer and looked at my cellphone.

"Okay, are you still waiting?" asked Lesley

"Hmmm"

"Contact him first, it's not difficult."

"Hmmm"

"Violen, be a little aggressive as that woman, I don't think it's wrong."

"He just read my message, I don't want to make him uncomfortable by sending spam messages to him, ahhhhh even though a few days ago he was never like this," I complained.

"Wait, so far you have been communicating only via chat?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You never talk at all?" The look on Lesley's face stared at me scolding me

"No, there's no need," I replied casually.

"Are you crazy? What's wrong with your feelings?" this time, Lesley raised her head. Her gaze at me is sharper than before

"What?" I asked still, not understanding

"Oh my God, I thought everything was fine because you looked happy these days. but how come he didn't call you at all? "

"Is that important?"

"Okay, how is he in class?"

"Hmmm, what?" I asked increasingly clueless

"never mind forget it. I'll get dinner."

Lesley just walked away from me. I, who was still confused, chose to remain silent. What's the point of calling me anyway? For me, he contacted me even though just by chat was enough to make me happy more than anyone else in this world.

******

Lesley POV

I'm just a newcomer who enters a simple small world. The little world that Violen belongs to. To me, Violen is like a big baby with an erratic way of thinking. Well, I'm Lesley, the only friend Violin has.

I love this, and I love that only I am her best friend. Violen is a woman who looks quiet on the outside, but on the inside, she has a complex trauma for her to bend. I know him since we were in junior high school—quite a dramatic meeting, in my opinion.

At that time, the violen was trapped in the toilet. More precisely, she was bullied by her classmate. They lock the violen. I, who happened to go to the bathroom, heard the violen crying from inside. I asked her, just kept sobbing. Until I did everything I could to get her out of the toilet

Since then, I was helpless, and naturally, I wanted to be her best friend, maybe because of her blank stare at me at that time. The situation made Violen worse when she learned the truth about her father, who was cheating on her mother's back.

Do you know? Violen is a woman who only knows how to love, only knows how to be hurt. I have no right to force her to be logical about her choice. Like this time, it is my pleasure to see her close to the man she likes. that man is Daren

I admit I'm the one who supports her the most—forcing her to throw away her doubts and forcing her to call the number on the letter. It was all just because I was tired of seeing her as someone in silence. And when I feel that letter is an opportunity, I also want the opportunity to end well.

But now, doubts arise for me. Is it true that Daren has been chatting with Violen ?. I mean, Daren, that guy seems to ignore it. Didn't he send a letter to  Violen? It should be a sign that he wanted to approach Violen first. But look at the reality. The situation is not what I imagined.

I still let the day go by. But I guess I can't endure any more than this. violen still looks gloomy like last time. Look at my darling, she daydreams and melts her hands lying on the table. Don't care about busy café diners making noise because of their chat. Violen seemed in a world of its own.

"Violen?" I said violen to her table. She remained silent as her eyes stared out the window.

"Violennn?" I said louder. It managed to stun violen and turn to look at me.

"Yeah?" he replied

"Are you okay?"

"Ha? Oh yeah sure. "

"Sweety, sometimes there are things that you might be fighting for. Tell me; he hasn't called you yet?

"Hmmm," replied Violen, bowing her head.

"Okay, tonight I'm staying at your apartment. I'll bring a few bottles of beer, okay? "I said, gently stroking the violent hair. And left

I do have a lot of friends besides Violen. I have an environment that supports me. But I know Violens need me now. The night sky is not always beautiful. Sometimes there are no stars at all or even the moon.

As usual, a not too heavy torch. I and violen sat on the balcony of her room, with our bodies wrapped in blankets. I still see Violen face sluggish. The days had been severe enough because Bryn was always teasing her, plus now she was lost in her feelings.

"You still remember when I was going out with Jordan first," I said, starting the conversation.

"Jordan? When we were in high school? "Violen replied to my question.

"Yeah. Many people think that Jordan liked me first. Jordan who confessed his love for me first."

"Is that right?"

"not. I confessed my feelings to him first. Do I sound crazy? "

"What? Are you serious? You dare to do it?" violen now looks at me enthusiastically.

"Yeah. Why not? I just want him to know how I feel. Whether he accepts it or not it's a matter of luck."

"So you're lucky that Jordan accepted you?" violen improved her sitting style.

"Hmmm maybe. But believe me, I never thought he would take me for granted. I mean you know, I can't say all those men like me as a woman."

"But it's clear. You have everything. You're perfect. "

"Yeah, although Jordan chose another woman in the end," I replied, smiling dryly.

"Oh no," Violen looked at me with pity.

"So, I just wanted to tell you. It doesn't matter if you say what you feel first. If you really sincerely love him, you will appreciate whatever decision he makes about your feelings. I know it will definitely hurt if he rejects you. But I think if he gave you an answer it would be more of a relief. "

"Hmmm, I think what you said is true. I'm just too afraid that he will reject me. But, maybe it's about time I quit this game right?"

"of course. Trust me I just don't want you to get hurt, and I'm really sorry if what you hoped didn't match up with reality. I mean, I was the one who forced you to call that number first."

"Oh, Lesley, no problem. Believe me that my heart commands the same thing."

We were interrupted by our chat. This is where the handphone violen rings. With enthusiasm, both Violen and I saw the handphone screen. The screen was written Daren's name. Without waiting for the violen to open the contents of the message immediately, and read it hard enough so that I could hear the contents of the message

"Hi violen, how are you? I'm sorry I rarely call you, I have to take care of a few things. I have to fix it right? How about tomorrow we have lunch together at an ordinary cafe. I'll wait for you there early "said Violen reading the message with a happy tone of voice. Violen screamed with joy while smiling off.

What about me? Yes, I smiled with her. But not with my feelings. Somehow I still feel like something is wrong.