Chapter 1 - God? Is that you?

He had been doing something completely mundane when it came. Without any prior warning, his body started turning into bright motes of light, flickering about like butterflies flapping their wings.

He had felt no pain nor distress as his consciousness faded into a dreamless slumber. For he knew that the next time he awakened, he would be completely reborn, from inside out, just like all the worldborn that came before him, and all the worldborn that shall come thereafter. 

And indeed, when his consciousness returned, an indeterminate amount of time later, he couldn't remember much of who he had been before. More than two decades he had spent on his homeworld Cradle, vanished into smoke, leaving behind no clear memories.

Now his entire past consisted of short snippets of conversations with people he didn't remember. And mere vague notions, like the fact he had been raised in an orphanage by an old nun. Beyond that, there was nothing but emptiness. No attachments, no emotions, no names, no faces.

Oh! Wrong! He did remember one name – his own.

It was Noah.

Because… of course it was! If you were named by an old religious nun, you'd be named Noah too! ○|￣|_

Or Adam, you know, for the sake of diversity.

Unless you were female. In which case, you'd probably be named Mary. It's always Mary! (◞‸ლ)

Alright, alright, if one put the infuriating naming sense he had been subjected to aside, the nun did a pretty decent job everywhere else.

His current situation was just as described in the Holy Scripture that he had been taught for as long as he could (not) remember.

According to the Scripture, the destiny of a worldborn did not lie in the lands of Cradle but in the vast and magnificent Haven. Everything he had experienced growing up in Cradle was merely a preparation for his new life in Haven. A tutorial teaching him the rules of the game. A nurturing environment to shape him into who he was meant to be and then release him into the wild.

Thus, upon reaching full maturity, all worldborn were granted a clean break from their past to better embrace their future.

Yet, when the beautiful future he had been waiting for arrived, what greeted Noah when he opened his eyes wasn't the gorgeous promised land, but complete and utter darkness.

（　ﾟДﾟ）??? 

This …was not what Haven was supposed to look like!

Did something go wrong with his ascension, turning him blind? 🤔

Noah waved his right hand in front of his face.

Slender fingers covered in supple, white, nearly-transparent skin without any scars or calluses. There weren't even any moles or hair!

It's confirmed!!!

He was most definitely…!!!

…not blind. (～￣▽￣)～

…

But wait! Could it be?!?

Did he end up dead on arrival, and was now a ghost?! 😱

In a fluster, Noah craned his slender neck to look at himself and his surroundings.

Oh, good! He could see his own reflection on the black, mirror-like surface of the floor he was standing on. Ghosts shouldn't have reflections, right?

Right?

Noah gave his reflection a once-over. He was still wearing the oversized t-shirt he had been in before he was beamed up, but other things about him had gotten an upgrade.

He had turned even more dazzling than he had been before his ascension - simply a beauty that transcended age, race, and gender! His skin had become as supple and smooth as that of a newborn baby. His chestnut hair, parted on the right side, gleamed like strands of fine silk.

His facial features have become both softer and more charming, his lips fuller and more edible looking.

His warm black eyes, framed with long and thick eyelashes that were the envy of the entire female population, were… uh… still there?

…he couldn't see them well because the floor was also black. ╮(╯▽╰)╭

But not seeing them was good! It meant they haven't changed much! 👍

In short, he… didn't feel dead?

Noah gave himself a quick pinch.

Yep. Very physical. Also… ouch. 〒▽〒

He underestimated this upgraded body's strength. He ought to be careful with that in the future.

Well, everything seemed to be in order. Even the power flowing through his veins was very lively, and exactly as mentioned by the Holy Scripture. Although it was still in a state of flux, he had no doubt that, given more time, it would slowly solidify into something suitable for him.

Sooo… did he take a wrong turn somewhere?

No, no, no, if he missed a turn it would be because someone forgot to put up road signs!

Or did the tour guide take an unplanned day off?

This dark and empty space… couldn't possibly be… Haven?

Before Noah's thoughts had the chance to run amok, a magnificent disembodied voice reverberated through the emptiness around him.

"Congratulations, young worldborn! Rejoice for you have been chosen for the special and much sought-after privilege of becoming an agent of the–"

"God? Is that you?" Noah's gasped, his big eyes widening into saucers, "Am I dead after all?!"

The voice faltered, "Er… yes? No! Close enough?" but it quickly managed to regain its majesty to continue the speech, "Ahem, stay calm! This-this is just a normal part of the process!"

"Oh. So, I'm not dead. Phew!" Noah wiped off nonexistent sweat from his white forehead.

The voice's grandiose manner screeched to a halt again, "Uh… well… that depends on your definition of dead. Are you a disembodied soul? Technically yes… but your soul has been upgraded into a spirit body, so it is both a fully functioning body and a soul… thus, perhaps considering you as dead would be a bit nonsensical?"

'Am I dead, or am I not dead?!' щ（ﾟДﾟщ）

"Er… let's not get stuck on technicalities! The line between dead and undead is really thin in this place…"

"That's right!" Noah, as the easily distracted sort, quickly set the question of dead or undead aside, and concentrated on the next big thing: "What is this place? Is this Haven?"

The voice noticeably paused, its reply lacking in confidence, "…yes?"

'Who are you trying to fool?!' Noah's blood pressure shot up. His lips twitched several times as he tried, with much difficulty, to prevent his smile from cracking.

He took a deep breath. Then, in a sweet yet somehow chill-inducing voice, he questioned, "Then, where are my promised vibrant green hills as far as the eyes can see? What about a beautiful rainbow, where the land and sky meet?" 

The more he spoke, the more his voice quivered with suppressed outrage, "...the crystal-clear pool of sparkly aquamarine water?! What about my promised 72 virgins?!?"

The voice hurried to explain, "Actually–" then halted, "What? 72 virgins?" (⊙_⊙;)

After a moment of silence, Noah's freshly upgraded hearing caught the entity he had been speaking to direct an inquiry toward a third person in a furious yet hushed voice: "I don't remember including that in the Holy Scripture!"–followed by an outraged gasp–"Was it Steve again?!?"

The hushed conversation was interrupted by Noah slapping his own forehead. Not knowing where the voices were coming from, he directed a sheepish look towards a random direction, "My bad. Wrong Holy Scripture. But you can't blame me, all of them are so similar in content, it's really easy to mix them up."  ╮(╯▽╰)╭

A moment of heavy silence descended upon the dark space.

Author Note:

The usage of emojis is for the sake of humor and getting a lighthearted feel. It's not due to this author's lack of ability in writing without the usage of emojis. The frequency of emoji usage varies from chapter to chapter, some have none, some have a lot. I add them when I think the humor would benefit from a funny emoji face. If you dislike them, just ignore them. It's purely a taste thing, some readers enjoy them, some don't.