7.

Days past since our special night, I’m still drunk in the essence of it. I can still feel his touch dance on my skin; they ignite a blazing fire in the pit of my stomach every time I recall our moments. Whenever I feel my lips with my fingers, I start feeling his lips on mine. His feather like lips, leaves a tickling sensation on mine, making my heart fill up with pure bliss.

Drops of hot water from the boiling kettle lands on my hand and pulls me out of my thoughts. I hiss rubbing the area while taking off the kettle from the shove. I pour the water into the cup and put a teabag in it. Mrs. Fleming’s afternoon tea is very crucial, if by any chance I mess it up. This tea will become one with my face; trust me I can tell from last experiences.

“Why are you so slow?” She looks up at me from her magazine and glares.

I keep my eyes down at the tray and slowly place the cup on the table by the purple velvet lounge she’s sitting on. That day all the maids saw us and went straight to her and filled her up with made up gossips. Though, most of them are true, we were in a very intimate situation. Since that day, she has been keeping an eye on me, not letting me go near Zen. Trying to keep me as busy as possible, so that I don’t get any free time to go talk to him. Weirdly Zen has been asking for me less these days. I barely see him; he mostly stays out of the house, busy with his friends. But his behavior is creating a lump in my throat, and I’m finding it quite hard to swallow.

“Did you clean up the outhouse?” She sips on the tea while turning pages of the magazine.

“Yes, I cleaned it this morning. There were some plumbing issues so I called a plumber to get them repaired.”

Footsteps coming from the foyer take my attention. 

“Mom.” Zen walks in the lounging area and suddenly stops seeing me.

He looks flabbergasted; I have a feeling that it’s cause of me. I quickly tear my gaze away from him and stare at the floor blankly; why is he suddenly acting like a stranger with me? Why can’t he go back to being the old Zen; who used to care about me? I only had him in this entire world and now I’m losing him as well.

“Go from here, why are you still standing her?” Mrs. Fleming speaks in a harsher toner than before.

I slowly turn on my heel and exit the room and head towards the kitchen while tears start trickling down my eyes. Am I over thinking it? Or is he actually uncomfortable around me? Have I messed up everything? Will I now lose the only person I had? I don’t want to lose him; I want him with me; not as a lover but at least as a friend, like before. If he ignores me like this I will fall apart, then who will pick up the pieces? I wipe my tears and lean on the kitchen counter hanging my head low.

“I should talk to him.” I keep wiping my tears as they keep on falling nonstop.

The fear of losing him has started settling inside my heart. Quickly composing myself, I head out of the kitchen to go to his room. I stand outside his room completely nervous. What if he gets mad at me for questioning him so much? Is he just a bit busy? Maybe that’s why he isn’t able to give me time. Sighing, I turn away from the door and start walking away.

“It’s better if I leave him alone.” I get in the kitchen and start chopping vegetables to prepare for tonight’s dinner.

During dinner Zen wasn’t there, I kept waiting for him to come down so that I could just see him but he didn’t come. After Mrs. Fleming was done with dinner, I wrap up everything in the kitchen and decide to go up to his room, as I really do need to talk to him. I can’t live like this, my thoughts are driving me crazy.

Twisting the doorknob, I open the door a little and peak my head inside his room. Zen looks up from his laptop screen and stares at me with a blank expression.

“Can I come in? I need to talk to you.” I wait for him to permit me to get in.

“Sure.” He closes the laptop and puts it by him on his bed and lean back on the headboard.

His eyes are fixated at me; I feel my heart leap up to my throat. My palms start getting sweaty due to nervousness. I slowly sit by him on the bed and stare at my lap, while fidgeting with my fingers.

“What it is?” He asks shifting closer to me and places his hand on the small of my back.

“Why are you avoiding me?” I look up at him to finally make eye contact with him.

“I have been busy Belle, nothing else.” He simply states, and looks away to break the eye contact.

“No you have been ignoring me, whenever you see me it’s like you want to run away. Why is that Zen? You know I have no one else except for you. Don’t act like a stranger with me.” I choke on my tears and try to wipe my face, as I don’t want him to pity me.

“We shouldn’t have done that. That night was a huge mistake. I’m feeling really guilty for... we shouldn’t have done that. It’s just not right.” He sighs in frustration and runs his fingers through his dark locks.

“Is that so?” Suddenly numbness starts spreading across my chest. It feels like someone is trying to cut off my air supply.

“We were such good friends and because of my stubborn ass everything is ruined, only if I listened to you and didn’t take you out for drinking. None of this would’ve happened, if I controlled myself... I’m so sorry.” He groans in annoyance falling back on the bed.

“Don’t be sorry, I didn’t stop you either, so it’s my fault too.” I stare out the window silently.

“Everything is ruined right? Our friendship is ruined, isn’t it? Damn it!” He looks at me sighing heavily.

“No, only if we allow that mistake you’re talking about to get between us, then it will be ruined.” I put up a smile on my face; fakest one I have had to put up, ever.

“So, you don’t hate me? We can go back to being us?” He smiles at me while sitting up and takes my hand in his.

I nod looking at him. If I have to keep my feelings hidden from you, to keep our friendship, I will do that in a heartbeat. You’re so precious for me to lose Zen. Too precious. It’s going to be so hard for me to pretend, but I have to because I can’t lose you. I slowly pull him into a hug and let my tears fall holding him tightly.