CHAPTER FIVE

Jojo hated the smell of hospitals more than she hated anything else.

That nauseating pungent reek of bleaking hope and long empty hours.

She sat uncomfortably on one of the old brown benches with peeling paint in the plain waiting room, waiting for the gray haired Doctor Thomas that practiced and consulted here to call for them.

The room was dusted with a few other patients waiting to be called too along side their supportive family or friends.

At least they attempted conversations. They say words and even if they hold no much solid meaning to their audience it felt good to her ears.

She wished Meghan would try that sometimes. It would feel good to hear her mother's voice again.

It's been so long now she wondered if it would sound the same or foreign if she gets to hear it again.

Maybe if she'd tried talking to someone about what happened that night,  all those years ago she might have hung on longer and not gone into this mute solitude.

The minutes passed ever so slowly and it seemed like hours before her mother's turn came around and they were finally called to go see Doctor Thomas.

She didn't need any guide with getting to the consultation room. She's been to this one here countless times in the past years.

She sat back and watched the old man shuffle through the files on his table until he pulled the one that bore her mother's name.

She recognized it as the one that held her mother's most recent  brain PET scan, several MRI results and all what not.

The man went through them like a ritual, one right after the other, not leaving any out and making new notes in the big book he usually wrote in.

He went over to Meghan and started his usual examination.

Jojo tuned him out half way, more stressed than ever.

The man took his time and when he finished with Meghan, he called for the attending nurse to take care of her while he had a word with Jojo.

He lead the younger Collen into his office.

His office looked bland and same as it had the last time they were here. It smelled of the books stacked of the big shelf on one corner of the room.

The mental health posters on the wall were already faded and strikingly old.

She let out a low sigh again as she took a seat facing the doctor.

"Like I said last time and the times before that, I don't find anything wrong with your mom except a severe case of PTS. There's nothing on her scan pointing to Alzheimer, I can tell you from my medical experience that her brain cells are not dying." He started. 

The man took off his rim wire glasses and rested his hands on the table in in a bid to be closer while he said the remaining part.

His voice when he did sounded more like he was advising her rather than shoving her full of medical facts.

"Over the years that I've been working with her, I've been extra careful making sure I don't miss anything and till date she still shows signs of normal neurological condition. Healthy brain cells for almost five years now, does that sound like Alzheimer to you."

"No Doctor. But you can't write her off like this. Take a look at her, she doesn't show any sign of recognition around anyone. It's like she doesn't see us. This can't be normal."

The man listened with rapt attention until she was done.

"Have you ever heard of pretend amnesia?"

When she shook her head no, he continued.

"It's when someone, especially PTS patients try to get rid of their memories by pretending they didn't happen. They can end up convincing themselves that a certain phase or all their life didn't happen."

What the!?

"People with deep secrets or long buried trauma do it too. Bottom line is, they develop pretend amnesia at best and multiple personality disorder at worst."

Jojo didn't know which was worse. How does one take news like this.

He picked his glasses and put it on again as if to see her better for the final blow.

"And Jocelyne," He paused, "her mind is frail. She doesn't have much grip on reality anymore. She needs attention and I mean around the clock attention."

She was quick to tell him about Maria. He shook his head at that,

"I mean someone whose focus is only on her. Kids need attention too and a minute away from her can be all it takes for her to do something as irrational as it will be dangerous."

Jojo thought to herself that she shouldn't have mentioned Riley being part of Maria's job description. The girl wasn't much of a kid anyway.

"Have you given nursing homes a thought?"

Jojo didn't want to sound rude rejecting the idea like she did with Maria so she settled for,

"Her nurse Maria mentioned it once."

The man pinned her with a hard to decipher look then turned to scribble out a prescription for her mother.

He handed her the white paper bearing the name of the hospital in bold letters at the top,  her mom's prescription in his familiar scrawny writing that can only be understood by the pharmacist.

He shuffled through his stuffs after that, his brows drawn together until he found what he was looking for.

The card was small and an interesting shade of blue, on it the name 'Jones mental health facility and nursing home' was written in bold letters.

"I'm not asking you to do this now, but it's going to become necessary in the long run. That contains all the information you will need for a start and I'm always here for you. You should think about it"

He didn't even give her a chance to say no and return his card. He just stood and left the room, calling the next patient.

What in the blazing hell is it with everybody bent on pushing her into installing her mom in some random home anyways?

*  *  *

Double caffeine ingestion did nothing to boost Jojo this morning.

If only she had more time she would have gone back to that cafe around the block to get more cups of strongly brewed coffee.

As it was she was minutes away from being late and she didn't dare risk it.

After that mind numbing kiss from weeks ago, Jojo has been careful not to tick Jordan off again for any reason.

That kiss had shook her more than most thing ever could but he'd just so easily reverted back to his old self like it hadn't happened, didn't matter, didn't mean anything.

The one reason she's tried so hard to deny her intense attraction to him was this.

She wasn't ready for him to kiss her like his life depended on it one minute and then turn so cold towards her the next.

It required an amount of bravery she didn't possess to put your heart on a line like that.

She walked out the elevator and over to office door already accustomed to Lisa's snickers and bitching.

She wasn't surprised when he didn't bother to acknowledge her presence in the room. He's been doing that a lot now.

She dropped into her seat. This was going to be a long day, she could already tell.

If only she'd gotten that extra coffee, maybe functioning this morning would've been a little easier.

Her eyes hurt from lack of sleep, her mind numb with pressing thought.

Between her mother's appointments, being early to work and putting in her hours efficiently, taking care of Riley, considering and checking out the mental facility slash nursing home Doctor Thomas had recommended and now Maria's one week notice for resignation, she was more stressed out physically and mentally than was legit for any average human.

She prayed she'd be able to go through this morning without detonating her ticking time bomb of a boss, she won't be able to deal with that rationally with her stress level right now.

Jordan could almost congratulate himself on his ability to pretend ignorance to her presence in the room.

After that one kiss he'd started keeping away from her to keep his raging desires under control.

It was one thing wanting her but after sampling the sweet addictive taste that was her, he was craving claiming her in every possible way and that scared him.

It's never been like this with anyone else, why Jojo?

How does she manage to drive him to the brink of insanity with hunger and desire without lifting a finger?

He could damn well have any woman he wanted but even that thought didn't appeal to him anymore.

He wasn't going to look at her. He did it, almost.

His eyes strayed to the beautiful picture her small self made.

She looked tired, worn, her light make up not doing much to hide the bags under her eyes.

His Jojo.

If only he'd come out clean and told her who he really was from the start then he wouldn't have issues asking her what was going on with her.

But he hadn't and he'd gone on to destroy the thin chance that might have let him by kissing her.

Now he was stuck watching her hurt from the sideline because he couldn't control his hunger for her.

But damn, he couldn't bring himself to regret kissing her sweet, soft, luscious lips that tasted of heady champagne and caramel even if he tried. 

Hell, he wanted to repeat it over and over again and way beyond that and that was the problem.

Well, there's no way in hell he was letting her go through whatever this was that was chipping away at her without finding her help.

And if he can't ask her because of his own mess then that's fine, he'll just have to find a way to navigate through that and get the answers he needed.

The time moved so slowly and at one point in the awkward silence that surrounded them his phone rang.

Jojo's eyes met his as if to remind him of his own rules.

In his distraction, he picked the call and regretted it when he heard the purring voice from the other end of the line.

Fayre.

"Hey baby."

From then on his morning took a turn for worse.

After that irritating call from Fayre, he'd gotten information that Malcom, one of his best clients, was boycotting him now and there were lead traces to dirty information Morgan had anonymously dropped.

Fuck.

The last time he'd been in Morgan's office, he'd flat out told the man that he wasn't interested in doing business with him because of his reputation in supplying sub standard products, this obviously was his way of making a statement.

It would have been laughable if this wasn't Malcom he was clawing in.

For fucks sake!

* * *

Jojo didn't see much of Jordan after those phone calls he'd taken.

He'd been irritable after the first one and then furious after the next.

He didn't say anything to her as he stormed out, then in and out again, spiting orders into his phone.

She only stood from her table when she took her lunch break that wasn't much of a break.

It only took a few minutes to brew herself a cup of strong coffee and another few to throw it back with a thin sandwich.

Maria had texted her earlier saying her mother was doing better and reminded her to fill that prescription on her way back.

She was going to miss her when she finally leaves next week.

Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

Times like this made her wish she had someone to share her problems with.

She needed a shoulder to lean on, someone that offers comfort and passion, relief and maybe...... Love?

She sighed out as she got back to her system, going through and returning important mails.

Love, she'd only felt that once for someone that wasn't family.

She'd been in her teen then. It's been years now, but being able to feel that for him even though it hadn't been requited had been amazing.

Would she still feel something for him if she ever saw him again? She wondered.

She doubted, it's been so long.

Then why haven't she been able to start something with someone else?

Minus her constantly busy life, she knew that was not the only reason she wasn't opening her heart to anyone.

But that kiss with Jordan had made her wish for more, more than she's ever thought possible.

He affected her.........a lot.

Funny how the only person inciting pleasurable feelings in her is the one person that's bent on avoiding her now.

And he bore so much resemblance to........

That line of thought was broken when the door to the office slid open and a gorgeous, blonde woman that could easily pass for a model walked in, calling,

"Baby......."

Oh wow.