Chapter 8

Marathon. Marathon. Life is slow so take it slow.

These are some of the lyrics in Kolya's favorite song entiled Paradise. We only have one life, but it's a long one. It's up to us to make it meaningful. We don't have to outrun other people just to be considered as the winner.

Unfortunately, Gold is doing the exact opposite of what Nikolai believes. Like literally.

Gold is running like a crazy person to outrun everything—to escape his darkest thoughts.

'Am I gay?' His thought only causes him to run faster. It feels as though that question is poison that can kill him.

He can't be gay. He doesn't want to be gay. People belittle gay people. They see homosexuality as a flaw. A shortcoming that no matter how many good things he attains, nothing will ever make up for this lapse.

It's not even a lapse. A lapse is temporary. Being gay is a perpetual punishment that will haunt him. Soon enough, everyone will get to know him as Gold, the homosexual and not Gold, the best contemporary dancer.

So the solution to all of this? Run. Run for the hills until his demons can't keep up anymore. All his life, he thought he was straight. He is confused by a lot of things, but he never once questioned his sexuality.

He didn't know that it's this hard. Back then, he only scowls when people celebrate the fact that they managed to finally come out. As it turns out, it should really be celebrated. Fighting others is easier than fighting yourself. 

How can you fight yourself when you don't even know who you are anymore?

What should you kill within you when you aren't sure what you want to retain or eradicate?

Gold continues to run even though his feet hurt. He isn't sure if what he's doing is okay. His head still hurts from all the shots he drank last night. He woke up at around 4am for the reason that his brain was throbbing.

Gold asked for his butler since he is aware that his personal maid will tattle to Jasmine. Thankfully, Charles is considerate enough to drive him into a convenience store one more time. The golden boy took some aspirin and lots and lots of electrolyte water.

He then told the butler to leave for the reason that he's planning to run. It's a good thing that he decided to wear his favorite running shoes.

The sun is shining brightly now. He curses under his breath when he sees that it's already 8am. He's been running for at least three hours.

He finally stops upon seeing a coffee shop nearby. This isn't the kind of place he usually goes. Gold likes to order caffeine from the type of shop that has great interior. This one's completely different; however he doesn't have much of a choice.

There's only a few customer in this place and it's perfect for the golden boy. He is craving peace and quiet.

He orders one iced Americano. He exhales deeply after taking his first sip. Ah, nothing beats coffee in the morning.

"Gold?"

The golden boy looks back to furrow his brow at the person who just called his name. His raised brow turns into a knowing expression.

"Noah!" He exclaims, eyes roaming around to see if the last person he wants to see today is around. Gold is never a religious being, but he's praying so hard for him not to come face to face with Noah's brother.

Not now.

"I didn't know you buy your coffee here." Kolya's brother says.

"Actually I only stopped by today. Do you work here?" Noah is holding a tray so Gold figures that he might be a waiter or something.

Noah shakes his head. His smile is similar to Kolya that all Gold wants to do is run away again. He seriously doesn't need a reminder of that transferee.

"I'm one of their suppliers. I deliver strawberries and cream sandwich here every morning."

Noah finally figured out what he wants to do. His dream is to build his own coffee shop, but that seem a little ambitious as of this moment since he doesn't have enough capital yet. The only possible thing to do now is to make some sandwiches and sell it to different coffee shops and bakeries.

Kolya and Beth support Noah's decision. They think it's better this way. At least the older brother is able to keep his mind occupied. Lately, Noah is full of depressing thoughts. People his age are either working a professional job or starting a family. He is the only one who doesn't know what to do.

Marathon, marathon. Life is long so take it slow. It’s literal for him. Life is too slow that at the age of twenty one, he feels as though nothing significant has ever happened to him.

"Oh, good." Gold raises his cup as if proposing a toast. "I think I'll be stopping at this coffee shop from now on. I love your sandwich."

"Yeah. Kolya told me..."

Gold gulps and then he hums.

"Anyway, I have to go now." The golden boy dismisses their conversation. Noah nods his head in understanding and then he bids the younger goodbye.

The last day of the week passes by just like that. Gold didn't even get to enjoy his weekend because in a blink of an eye, it's  Monday again.

Gold becomes more aloof. He barely talks to his friends. He even spent his lunch break alone. He doesn't have the energy to deal with Carter and Jacob too. When the bell rings, Gold speeds out of the classroom to meet his butler.

He acted this way for several days. It only stops when Cleo notices his strange behavior.

"Settle down, classmates!" Gold's girl best friend stands in the platform, catching everyone's attention.

"Ms. Manoban just told me that she's allowing an hour of break for us today."

The whole class screams because of happiness upon hearing Cleo's statement. This is the first time Ms. Manoban did something like this. The class really dislikes the female instructor since she doesn't even give them some time to rest. It's always lectures, written and practical exam. It's exhausting.

They are a little skeptical, though. They didn't know why Ms. Manoban changed her mind.

Perhaps it's because she is aware that some students are about to perform their biggest show for this term. Maybe she wants them to somehow relax since the past few weeks have been stressful.

Oh, well. Whatever her reason is, the class shouldn't care anymore. They should just be glad that this is really happening.

"Let's play a game!" Cleo proposes since she wants to test something. Gold is acting weird these days. She has known him for more than a decade, so her goal is to prove two things. 1) If she truly knows the golden boy inside out and 2) if her hunch is correct.

Half of the class stayed in the classroom to participate in whatever Cleo wants to play. The other half leave since they're planning to use their time efficiently. They need hot compress, pain relief patch, and of course: coffee. They wouldn't be able to get these three things if they stay in this room.

Cleo asks the group to form a circle. They're playing the classic truth or dare—wait, actually, she twisted the game a little.

"We're playing truth and dare!" She claps her hand, but it seems like she's the only one having fun.

Cleo rolls her eyes and then she explains the rule. Everyone will have the chance to ask a question that should be answered by everyone else too. Players take turn to ask and answer the question around the circle. Anyone can 'dare' the person who is currently answering the query. No one is allowed to refuse the dare; otherwise that person has to pay five dollars.

If the individual completes the dare, then the person who dared should be the one to pay five bucks.

"Okay. Let's do this clockwise." Cleo starts. She's so excited because she manages to convince Kolya to join the game. He’s actually an important variable to confirm her hypothesis.

"At what age did you lose your virginity? Tell us about it."

"Fourteen." Christopher who's sitting beside Cleo proudly says. "I was a sophomore and the girl I was with was a senior."

"Thirteen."  Jacob smirks. "My first time was actually a threesome,"

When the two girls sitting in front of Jacob gasp, he winks at them.

"Sixteen."  Dylan, the guy sitting next to Jacob, confesses. "Did it with my first girlfriend. We're still dating until now."

The group reacts differently. Most are surprised that Dylan has a girlfriend.

"Fifteen." Gold yawns as if he's bored. "Was drunk. Can't really remember."

There's silence after that. It's an awkward one. Some want to ask how it went, but they're too afraid to question Gold since it appears like he didn't want to be here.

He doesn't. However he didn't have a choice. Cleo is persistent, Gold is certain that his best friend will pester him for eternity if he refuses to play this stupid game.

The game continues after a few moment of silence.

"I haven't..." It's Kolya's turn; his cheeks are burning red when he confesses the truth.

"Seriously!?" Emma's eyes widen. She isn't close to Kolya, but she can't help but react violently.

How is it even possible when Nikolai Park is literally the definition of perfection?

"Did you even reach 2nd base?" Carter questions. His face screams like he'll die if Kolya says no.

That's exactly what Kolya implies, but he only answers it by shaking his head.

"What the fuck." One of them exclaims in disbelief.

"Don't tell me you still haven't kissed anyone?" Jacob can't help but asks too.

There's silence once again. Gold swallows hard as he stares at Kolya. They're sitting in front of each other. The golden boy’s gaze is so hot that Kolya just wants to melt.

"I haven't kissed anyone yet..."

Damn. Something inside of Gold explodes. He's biting his bottom lip so hard that he even tastes the metallic like liquid.

His lower lip is bleeding...

"I dare you to kiss me."

Everyone turns to look at the woman who just spoke: It's Cleo. She's holding her head high.

Kolya coughs, it's like he's choking.

"A-Are you serious?" Nikolai blushes hard, scratching the back of his head.

Gold's jaw tenses when Cleo smirks as she asks: "Do I look like I'm kidding?"

"But—" Kolya tries to reason out, howbeit Cleo cuts him off.

"One hundred dollars," she raises her brow. "You have to pay one hundred dollars if you refuse to kiss me."

"Hey, that's not in the rule!" Eve, a ballerina, crosses her arms.

"I'm rich, I can change the rule." Cleo copies Eve's position. "I'll pay three hundred dollars if Kolya completes the challenge."

Almost everyone cheers. The money they're going to collect in this game will be used to buy snacks for the group.

"Come on, Kolya. Do it for the group!" They tease.

Kolya gulps. He's a hopeless romantic kid. He wants his first kiss to be special, unluckily, he can't afford to waste a hundred dollars for something like this. He isn't like the rest of the people in this room. His family doesn't have enough money.

"I'll do it..."

Screams are heard once more. Kolya crawls toward Cleo's position while annoyance crawls into Gold's heart.

He's so pissed. He can't stand seeing Kolya and his best friend kissing that he abruptly gets on his feet—catching everyone's attention. This act of him halts Nikolai's first kiss too.

"Where are you going?" Kenneth, one of the main dancers, creases his forehead.

The golden boy doesn't answer. He just storms out of the classroom just like the time he thought Kolya stole his spotlight. The only difference from that time is that now, everyone sees him leave.

"Oops!" Another one of the main dancers exclaims, glancing at Kolya and Cleo's direction. "Someone is jealous..."

Most of them probably think that Gold is jealous of Kolya because the former likes his best friend. Of course they would believe that. None of them are aware that the golden boy is questioning his sexuality.

None of them know that yes, he might be jealous, but it's not of Kolya. Rather, it's of Cleo.

"Gold, wait!" Cleo gets on her feet too. She runs after her best friend.

As if they're shooting a teenage hetero drama, the group follows to see how Cleo and Gold's love story unfolds.

They're not going to get that. Well, it might look like that because Cleo instantly engulfs her best friend into a tight embrace the moment she catches him.

"They're going to confess their love for each other!" Some of the ballerinas giggle like elementary students.

"I'm right..." Cleo murmurs, tightening her hug to Gold. The latter knits his brow, peering down at small Cleo.

"The fuck do you mean?"

The corner of her mouth curls up. Both of the things she's trying to prove are correct. 1) She knows Gold inside out. 2) Her hunch is right.

"You like the transferee..." Cleo's smirk turns bigger.

Gold freezes. He parts his mouth to speak, however Cleo stops him.

"And I think he likes you too. Watch," she tiptoes. "His reaction..."

Gold isn't able to see Kolya's reaction because the shock he feels made him close his eyes. He clearly didn't expect Cleo to kiss him on the mouth!

The kiss is useless for the reason that the golden boy fails to see sadness, hurt, and hopelessness cross Kolya's face—the three things that can prove that Cleo is right.

Nikolai Park likes Gold Adana too.