Erased

Part 1

I know him. I know his name, age, favourite things, family and friends. I know every single thing about him. But what I don’t know is how exactly do I know this when I can’t even remember what I got to do with him?

* * * * *

It was his face, his handsome face that had appeared in my line of vision the moment I opened my eyes. But in a span of minutes, it was gone and was instantly replaced by my mother's grave expression. Tears were spilling from her beautiful browns.

Beside her was my sister bearing the same look and so as my father. I tried to smile to reassure them that I was okay; no need for them to worry about me.

But that would be a blatant lie.

I was lying in a hospital bed, after all, dextrose in my right hand and an oxygen mask covering my nose helping me with my breathing.

I tried to hack my brain to figure out what had happened for me to land in here, causing my family to wear the same expressions that I didn't want to see. 

With much effort, I concentrated and tried to recall at least one thing. However, after much struggle, I still didn't find anything. 

Somehow, there seemed to be this unseen force blocking me from remembering. It almost felt like there was a huge barrier caging my memories of what happened, resulting in my injury and hospitalization.

I attempted to speak, to ask either of my family to tell me how I got here and why but the doctor chose that moment to walk in and stood at the foot of my bed carrying a pen and some papers interrupting my opening. He smiled upon, seeing me stare.

"Oh, it's good to see you're finally awake". I blinked at him, confused.

"Have I dozed off that long?". I heard the strain in my voice.

"Just a single day, nothing much to miss really". I wanted to disagree with him but seeing no point in doing so, I decided against it.

A lot of things could happen in one day. There was so much to do, so much to eat and so much to discover. One day is more than enough to make one's life worth living.

"Well, now that you're awake, I'd like to ask a few questions. Would that be okay?" I stared at the doctor in his white coat and big reading glass and let a minute pass before I gave him my nod.

"How are you feeling right now?". I searched all over my family's faces and was tempted to tell the doctor how I really felt. But I knew that if I admitted wanting to curl myself in a ball and bawl loudly to relieve the grief in my heart that I had yet to understand, I would only cause all of them to worry further.

It wasn't the best choice.

"Okay, I guess". I whispered, then cleared my throat.

"I'm feeling better". I said mustering the strength I could to force that one out. I wasn't good with lying. However, in my eighteen years of living, I have learned that lying is inevitable. There will be certain circumstances and things that you would rather keep to yourself than revealing it to others; circumstances such as right now.

"Good. So, do you happen to know everyone around here?". I wanted to frown at that question. I meant, I haven't blabbered the phrases, 'where am I?' and 'who are you?' so I think that it was rather unnecessary.

"Yes, and I know who I am too". I said which made my mother come near me, squeezing my un-dextrose hand.

"Ah, very well. You do remember then, the events before you came here. Right?". Wrong.

I tore my gaze from the doctor, breaking eye contact and instead, turned my attention on my left hand still held by my dear mother.

"No". I said ever so softly, I myself almost didn't hear it. Yet my tiny voice had caused the whole room to fall into utter silence.

"Ah". The doctor said after quite some time, catching back my attention.

"Would you excuse me for a while, I would need a minute with your parents. Mr and Mrs Pears, may I speak with you outside?". He had said it too fast it almost made no sense, but I caught the message just right.

Except for my mother's hand vanishing from mine, I didn't mind the three of them leaving the room.

My sister, Kelsea, settled carefully beside my left as soon as the door shut closed and gave me the most prolonged sweetest stare that showed thousands of emotions but was mostly dominated by love and care.

"Hi". My sister said to me upon settling in. I smiled back at her.

"Hi".

"How are you?". I bit my lower lip. I have no idea how to answer that because honestly, aside from my memory loss, I felt like I had lost something more.

"Fine, I guess. I mean, I'm breathing, right?". I stared deeply into my sister's eyes. Her lips parted slightly into a thin smile as she stroked my hair.

"But you lost a little of your memory, huh?". I smiled yet again before moving my head to nod.

"Aw too bad. I was hoping it would all be erased so I could trick you". She meant that as a joke which would have been hilarious on any given day. But instead of laughing, I only gave her an acknowledgement because, at this point, the word erased scared me.