TWO

02: there's hardly a line, these days, between what's real and what is not. 

×

To some people, it's a gift. Hearing voices is a gift. 

A divine interaction with the supreme being. God. 

But to others, it's what they fear the most, that they have lost it. They've lost all their sanity. 

Others like Zach. 

×

disclaimer: depiction of self hate and self harm

His legs brushed the ground as his back leaned against the door to the janitor's closet he had only just uncovered. 

He sniffled, holding in the tears as he reached for his phone in his pocket, dialing his mother immediately. 

His mother, you could call him a child but the truth is we all have that one person we fall back to, our support system and to Zach-

-it was his mother. But she didn't pick up. She couldn't pick up her call. 

It had crossed his mind that she might have been running around, getting adjusted to the new hospital that she had dropped her phone.

She wasn't to blame because she didn't know that Zach would need her so soon, as he was whisked into the terrifying halls of high school and the people-

-way to fast for him to have been prepared. 

His quivering fingers opened up his bag as he held out his large plate of food, the sight that had somehow managed to calm his anxiety. Only a little as the aroma filled his nose. 

In a quick thought, he imagined how fast he could ravage what he held in his hands, but then he sighed. 

His neck fell back limply as he wandered who he would have been if he didn't solely rely on comfort food-- These times that he went into his safe haven.

'what kind of person?' 

As as much as he loathed himself for being as large as he was, he believed he could never stop. 

Although he tried. 

God, he had tried to do a lot better. But better, to him meant food. So, i guess he was doing better. 

"Get down!"

Tyler's screams came taunting back to him as he was sulked back into the memories of that night. 

"No. No. Please don't die. Please, you can't die" 

The tears he had tried so hard to hold in, like the man he believed himself to be, fell. And fell really hard. 

"Tyler. Please wake up" 

"Its all his fault" 

It wasn't long till he began to hear his father's voice as his palms squeezed hard around the fast food burger in his hands and he ended up swinging it aside, hitting against the wall. 

And he began to slowly hit his head against the same walls as tears rolled down his pale cheeks, desperately trying to get rid of the voices. He hit-

-slowly, which had transitioned to brutally. Till it stopped. 

And he exhaled heavily as his legs flattened to the grounds in a moment of mental silence, one that he could even hear the thumping of his heart. 

He could hear the sound of the air that plunged heavily out of his nose. 

But he could also hear a dim whisper. A whisper in his head. 

One that immediately shocked him. 

"What?" He became unrestled, plunging his back off the cold rest as he stared distantly at nothing in particular. 

He swore he heard a whisper, even after he had held his breath in. 

"Is someone-- someone there?" He asked, immediately realizing how crazy he sounded. 

He breathed heavily as it stopped, bringing himself up from the ground at the sound of the first bell-

-and holding both his bags and his fragile sanity in his shaking hands as he walked out and into those halls.

×

"Fatty Zakky" 

It didn't take long for the nickname to carry on, but that was almost the least that bothered Zach as he staggered down the hall in quagmire-

-missing the way to his first class twice, before stumbling upon the door. 

The halls were quite cleared except some of the rebels that roamed. 

His sweaty palms grasped the tip of the door handle as he pushed it gently open, before making his way into an already sitted class. 

The murmurs continued with a few shallow yells that came from the back. "Fatty Zakky!" 

Zachary's eyes roamed around the corners as he searched for an empty seat before the teacher stepped in his way, a stern expression outlined on his face. 

"You don't show up late to my class" His voice came marked with a threat before he pulled away. "When he has to carry all that weight around" Someone joked. 

Zach pushed a lump down his throat as he slowly made his way to what seemed to be an empty seat. 

"It's taken" The person beside waved off before turning to her whispering friend as all eyes pierced into him. 

'Breathe' 

'You just have to find a seat. And get through the fucking day-' 

He thought to himself before getting an unexpected reply. In his head. 

'why do you do that to yourself?' The thought came, masked in a feminine voice, that caused him to halt. 

'what?' he thought back, expecting some sort of a reply, which he got. 

'hating yourself. Hitting yourself' 

Zachary's brows arched as he paused, because he didn't know what to say. He unconsciously shook his head, desperately trying to get that voice out. 

'why?' it only came back stronger. Firmer. Louder. 

"Get out of my head" He whispered to himself, before realizing he said it out loud, almost inaudibly but enough to garner enough attention. 

"Find a seat, Mr Zach-" 

The teacher walked back to the front of the class, failing to tilt the attention back towards him as Zach's eyes roamed before someone called out. 

"There's a free sit here, Zach" A voice yelled from behind him and he turned around to see her, the one that had stared more intensely at the assembly. 

She was new, he could tell. Well, because she was standing outside. She flashed a smile towards him, which he failed to reciprocate as he walked on. 

"Don't break the chair with all that w-" Someone whispered yet again. 

"Enough!" Phil, the calculus teacher yelled as Zach managed to squeeze himself behind the sized table.

"Welcome back to school. This i-"

Mr Phil's voice began to fade out as he'd hoped to hear that voice again, although he had told her to get out.

'are you there?' he asked, in his head.

"Hey" An arm stretched to his table as he turned to see the girl, kind enough, unlike the others- "I'm Amy"

He was startled before he relaxed, tilting his head back to face forward, he wasn't used to introductions. 

She almost immediately pulled a back at his silent expression as they both shared an intense stare, again -before looking away.

Zach had wandered what to say next even at the way obvious response to introduce himself too.

'hi, i'm zach. it can't be that hard' He wandered to himself before there was a sigh in his head-

'zach? I mean i could've gotten Joseph but it's fine. It's a nice name too...' there was a pause from the voice.

'-i guess' was an almost quick addition and Zachary began to feel restless by the conversation in his head that he moved uncomfortably in his seat.

'it wasn't you. tf. i wasn't even talking to you-' Zach felt obliged to reply as he exchanged weird glances with Amy and at the prolonged scoff of the voice.

'okay. Fine. Just introduce yourself already. she's all over your m-'

Zach cleared his throat, looking around the few people that stared at the inaudible lips of Mr Phil.

"Are you in my mind?" He muttered under his breathe.

'are you real?'

"I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?" Amy turned to him, in a fit of confusion as he shook his head.

'say something, you dumbass. stop shaking your head' Zach mentally yelled at himself before the voice came back, as full pitch with anger.

'don't call me a dumbass. you're the dumbass'

'no, not you. whoever you are-' he replied as both the voices clashed in his head.

He raised his hands to his ear, shutting his eyes to the rest of the class as he muttered. 

"Enough!" He yelled suddenly to the ears of the class whilst he exhaled.

"Excuse me?" Mr Phil asked as he finally pulled down his hands, to the quietness of his ears. And he sighed.

"Nothing, sir. Nothing" He whispered to the murmuring class as he sat back into the chair with an eye roll.

'why are you doing this?' he thought back, expecting a response-

'and who the hell are you?'

There was a dead silence in his head. No voices, all Zachary could ever wish for. But yet, somehow-

-all he wanted to hear was a voice. 

Her voice.

'who are you?' he had asked yet again, because he could tell, she was there. He could feel it. Feel her. Hear her soft breathes and slow heart beat like they were instantaneously connected. 

And she sensed it. 

'i can't say-' she replied then.

'why?'

'because it's complicated'

And Zach rested back into his chair with a deep sigh, knowing how crazy what he was about to ask next, sounded.

But he did it anyway. 

'are you...are you real?'

To be continued...