One

5 years ago.

“Hey babe.” Noah said as he breezed into my apartment without knocking.

 “Hey.” I protested to his attitude while hiding the auditions forms behind me. “Knock when coming in next time”

“For what reason or use. We have known each other since birth, I think it is safe to assume that I know everything about you.” 

“I could have been masturbating for all you know.” I quipped as Noah turned to look at me with raised eyebrows like he could not believe I brought up that argument.

“Tiffany, I told you to tell reasonable lies when you chose to lie. I know for a fact that if you were feeling horny and wanted the itch to be taken care of, you would have called me since I am your boyfriend. Then again since I have a high sex drive and I just satisfied you less than twelve hours ago, the itch would not been there.” He pointed out and although I knew better than to argue with him, nobody got to beat Noah at this facts game but I was too stubborn to let it go even when I knew it was a lost cause.

“And what made you think I was satisfied” I corked an eyebrow at my cocky boyfriend to see how he would take the hit and he took it in his stride, as he always does.

Noah chuckled quietly.” Let me think… hmm, what made me think that you were. It could be your multiple organisms or your screams that threatened to bring down the roof and certainly not you pleading for me to give you a break. I do believe you are a little sore now...”

“You should not say that and shouldn’t know these stuffs.” I stopped him from going further with red cheeks.

“Too bad I know all these things, now enough small talks, let’s talk about the papers you tried to hide from me.” Noah asked as he snatched the forms from me.

“Hey, give it back.”   I protested knowing that he won’t change anything about his decision to give me back if he made his mind to read through it, this wasn’t his normal sort of play when he shows me that he is taller than me, he was really interested in knowing what was written on the paper and I made him more curious by hiding it from him. I braced myself for the explosion that was coming but when he just looked at me without saying anything, I started to explain. “I don’t want to be stuck in this backwards place. Let’s go to California to make something out of our lives.”

“Quick question. Would you have left without me?” Noah asked with a hint of fear in his tone. His stance showing vulnerability at my explanation as if the answer would physically break him in two. I also know that he doesn’t show his moods to those he don’t trust, and I am one of the few he trusts completely.

And I replied with shock laced in my tone and fear coursing through me. “What! No of course not. The only way I can summon the courage to face the world is with you at my side. I cannot do it alone. I need you Noah. I love you.” I said as Noah released his breathe which he was unknowingly holding and kissed me while I closed my eyes and savor the taste of his lips. Noah was my forever. That was my thought then… I never knew that we would drift apart.

4 YEARS AGO.

“Hello babe. I miss you, I am calling because it has been a while I heard you voice. I miss you so much that at times I just want to give it all up so that I can spend time with you. I know that you are probably busy with you scripts now so that is why I am leaving a voice note because I know that you are probably missing my voice just as much as I am missing yours and also please try and send a voice note back, my imaginations of your voice is not enough, I want to hear the real thing. I miss you, I love you… only you.”  

    Hearing Noah message left me with a guilty conscience which I did not like. It was not like I was cheating on him for Christ sakes, I was not. I am just hanging out with friends trying to hold myself together while he is on tour. Noah always loved dancing and another reason why I am hopelessly in love with him is because of his voice. I wanted quick fame so instead of pursuing my first career choice, I went for the second. Acting and it was coming along gradually although it is frustrating at times. If I was not in love with Noah I would have been resentful of his success in everything he does and his luck. Less than three months of moving to California he scored a dancing gig for one of the upcoming bands and then a member ditched before a performance and Noah was used to replace him. They thought that Noah would be the weak link but he ricocheted the band to a whole new level of fame and how they are doing tour…. All these less than eight months since we moved to Cali. 

And this brings me back to the reason why I am feeling guilty. My upcoming superstar boyfriend thought I was at home studying the lines to a role which I don’t have while I am at a party wearing something that was borderline indecent hoping to get a role very soon since most upcoming actresses are here. I would love nothing more than to find a quiet spot so that I can send him a voice note but the lies would be heaping and that was not something I was comfortable with. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a week and I haven’t had a role in a month. I need to change my stroke of luck.

“Girl, you need to pay attention. A guy was giving you the flirty look and you did not even notice, you were too focused on your phone probably checking up on your boyfriend who is gradually having a growing groupie’s base.”

“Not interested.” I told Angel, a girl who I started moving with to show me the ropes in acting, a girl who dragged me to this party after selecting my clothes, a girl who Noah seriously dislikes and made me promise him that I will spend as little time as possible with her. See another reason why the guilt is piling up?

“The guy is loaded. You can’t keep turning all of them away, go have a drink with one of them, I am sure that he would have the connection to put you a good movie that will likely get you discovered.” Angel suggested but I was already disagreeing to her suggestion by shaking my head, I refuse to cheat on Noah. That was impossible.

“Then how do you expect to get a role.” Angel asked with her voice filled with scorn.

“By going up on the stage. I have already taken a number.” I replied as I glanced at the paper in my hand.

“Nobody is paying them attention Tiffany. You can’t get a role by preforming these days, you only get a role by mingling.” 

“Then watch me. “  I said with a brave expression I didn’t feel. I was not leaving here without an acting role lined up. I was desperate and a desperate girl will do a lot of unethical things, so far, it is not on my conscience that I cheated on Noah.