Chapter 3

I must be dreaming, seriously.

He can't be back, he can't.

'But he is.' My consciousness tells me.

I close my eyes as I lean my back against the tree, trying to wrap my head around what just happened back there. I knew that I shouldn't have come, I had a troubling feeling all along and even though, I didn't think something like tonight would happen, I knew something would.

Roman Joel O'Connor.

He's back.

Things would have been much easier if it weren't for what happened years ago, when the first and only boy I've ever really trusted, broke my heart. He left with no trace, but kept memories behind.

He should have left a long time ago, when there was the first hit. They made it public and it surely wasn't pretty.

I believed he wouldn't leave me and that I had nothing to worry about, guess I was wrong, he found a reason to leave , to leave me. Till today, I don't know the reason and I don't think I care anymore to know.

The thought of him still stings and I can't imagine that leaking wound ever being healed. Trust never came easy after Roman abandoned me, he was my best friend and my own confidant, nothing about him was ever simple but rather complicated.

From a very young age into our  friendship, I learnt very fast that Roman was like no other boy. He was unique in his own way but Lord, did he bring trouble for my little heart.

One thing I learnt about Roman which I wished I never did, was that Roman was afraid of love. He was terrified of it and I was the only one who knew it. Whenever love was mentioned to him or someone professed it to him, he acted out and ran for the hills.

That's what happened to me, I told him that I loved him and he was my best and trusted friend, his response, believe it or not, was to storm off, leaving me in tears .

With him traumatised by the idea of it, we then resorted to the word ' fond of you.'

He'd been hurt and used so much ' in the name of love,' that love was out of the question for him. Love surely hurt him in the worst possible way. I did all I could to be there for him. Like he'd said before, that me being in his life, was the most important thing closest to love he'd had.

I took his words with me, took them to heart and in return, he hurt me, leaving me trapped in a big black hole, where only questions remained and no answers. I was left to pick up the pieces and to find my way without him, I lost a friend on my birthday and I was never the same, ever again.

" Hazel, you're Hazel right?" I'm knocked out of my state of shock by a voice close by.

I look around, my eyes meeting a figure leaned against the opposite tree, his arms folded.

I can't really make him out, apart from his height, he's quite tall.

I decide to keep silent. Not trusting this stranger, well I mean he's basically a stranger.

"You're a quiet one aren't you? - far more different from what he told me."

" Who are you talking about?"

" I think we both know who."

I push off the tree, starting to walk off. 

I don't want to talk about him.

"He talked about you." I stop in my tracks, my back to him." A lot."

"Well he had no right." I say, glancing over my shoulder. "He had no right to talk to you about me, to mention me or even think about me." I say, feeling upset now.

" How could he not, you're his best friend."

" I'm nothing to him." I say, turning to face him.

" Well from the way he spoke about you when we were locked up, you'd think- ."

" W-what?" I say frowning.

Does he mean Roman was in juvenile?

" Well-, " he stops short when we hear the snapping of twigs, signalling that someone's coming.

Surprise, surprise, it's Roman. Note the sarcasm.

" I thought I'd be the one to introduce you two." My face goes blank as Roman appears from between the trees.

" You're too late buddy." The guy I'm yet to know his name says, crossing his arms.

Roman steps forward, leaving the guy's side. A good amount of space still remains between us.

" Hazel Grace." He breathes out, tucking his hands in his pockets." It's good to see you again." He tries to take a step towards me but out of reaction, I quickly rush past them, not daring to look back.

I even left the sodas behind, but I wouldn't dare go back to fetch it. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable enough to be in his presence, to even converse like nothing happened between us.

If tonight confirms him remaining here for a long time, I don't know what I'll do.

I'm too confused by his actions, he is acting as it hasn't been years, since we last saw each other.  I don't know him anymore, he's just a guy I thought I knew, that's it.

" Hazel!" I stop in my tracks and look around, my eyes catching sight of Avery, who's seated on the other side of the fire.

I make my way over to her, where she scoots over and makes room for me.

" Where did you disappear to, I thought you'd be back by now with the drinks." She says, looking around.

" Got a bit lost, sorry."

" That's okay, meet my friends Jenna and Gage." She points to a guy and girl close by, who are busy in conversation, more like arguing over something.

I give her a questionable look.

"They're just having a little misunderstanding, no biggie."

I nod in understanding.

"Looking for someone?" I decide to ask when I notice her glancing around.

"Thought I'd see my cousin, but I'll see him later I guess, anyway, let's dance." She suddenly says as a hype song starts playing, dragging me up with her.

I have no choice but to let her drag me close to the DJ, where now people have gathered for dancing .

At first I don't dance but just look around, feeling awkward. "Come on.." She encourages, doing some weird dance move that has me looking at her with amusement.

I roll my eyes before joining in.

" Having fun already?" She asks after some time.

"Yeah, yeah." I wave her off with a smile, moving along to the beat.

It feels so good to let loose and just dance, all troubling thoughts leaving my mind, just taking in the here and now. I'm so into the moment that I don't even mind when hands land on my hips and I discover that it's him.

"Don't push me away." I turn around in his arms, facing him." Please." His eyes plead.

I take a breath before wrapping my arms around his neck, his lips twitch into a smirk at my reaction.

He leans in, planting a kiss on my cheek." Thank you." He says, pulling me close.

I offer a small smile.

It's just for tonight. I remind myself.

Right now, everything just feels fine, it almost feels normal. It's as if it was the beginning, before that night, before the break with Danny.

Everything was coming together or so I liked to believe.

I would like to go back to how things were, but of course, it's near impossible, when my roaming eyes catch sight of Roman and his friend, coming out from where I last saw them.

Immediately as if he could sense me, he stops in his tracks and his eyes move over to where both Danny and I are. You'd think he'd look away and carry on his way, but no, he keeps on staring, more like boring holes at the back of Danny's head.

What's his problem?

I look away from him to Danny, who's eyes have been trained on me this whole time, I try smile at him but it's not possible.

His hand comes up to cradle my face, whilst he leans in close and I, without a second thought follow suit. My eyes make the mistake of glancing over his shoulder, where I see them. I quickly pull away and out of his arms, making him frown in confusion.

The moment is ruined and all I want to do right now, is to get out of here..

With my eyes lingering on them, one of them, Hailey to be exact, looks my way and our eyes meet.

" Hazel?" I feel Danny come closer but I take a step back and out of reach, still, my eyes unwavering from Hailey's now widened eyes.

She glances away from me, quickly calling the rest of them and earning their attention, especially Amber, the cause of it all. When they see me, they come my way and that's when I'm taken back to that night.

The secret, me being made into a fool because everyone knew and I didnt, their encouragement to that bully's taunts, not to mention being thrown into the water and drowning.

I can remember not hearing their laughter, but silence and guilty looks when I woke up in the hospital the next night.

" Hazel, w-what's wrong?" Danny makes another attempt to come closer to me.

" No, leave me! " I shove him back, making him to stagger back in surprise.

My outburst I realize, after glancing around us, has earned us quite an audience, more so now that the music has been lowered. The feel of eyes on me is so overwhelming that all I can do is spin around and rush out of there.

More like run off.

I can't believe I came back here, now all I didn't want to face, stares back at me.

I'm hit with a sense of deja vu, the only difference is that no one is calling after me.

" Hazel, hey, wait up!" Spoke too soon.

I stop in my tracks, jerking around to tell the person off.

" You!"