Chapter 4: Engraved Words

I went straight to where the sound came from. I hurriedly ran outside the university. I saw a lot of people gathered around the two cars. Almost crushed.

It was a car accident. I could see a black car and a taxi. They're totally smashed. My heart beat so fast. I couldn't go near where the people gathered. Somehow, I felt scared.

I could hear people say, "Call the ambulance faster!"

"Oh, no, what a terrible accident!"

"Dreadful!"

Still, I couldn't see who were in those cars. So many people. Sirens from the police car. I felt more scared.

I got my phone to call my brother. But he's not answering. "Where is he?" I asked myself.

I didn't know what I was feeling but I was so worried. The sirens made my heart beat a lot faster. I couldn't look where the accident was.

I dialed my phone once again, this time I was trying to call dad. It's ringing. I felt relieved. But he's not picking up the call. I hang up. Then, I dialed mom's number. It's also ringing. I felt relieved again, but she's not answering. I thought, maybe they were busy catching up with dad's best friend.

The ambulance came. The siren was making me feel uneasy.

When the police started to make the people distance from where the accident took place, I could clearly see the two smashed cars from where I was standing. I moved my feet slowly. I wanted to see it in my own eyes. I could see a familiar thing.

Trembling, I got my phone. I dialed my dad's number. My eyes were fixed inside the taxi. I heard it ring. Something lighted inside the taxi, blinking as if someone's calling. I felt a tight squeeze around my heart. It's so heavy.

I was still holding my phone, the other line kept ringing. I was only staring at the blinking light. My tears started to fall slowly, just how I moved closer to the car. I couldn't see the faces but I was sure, there's a familiar thing inside that taxi – my guitar.

I couldn't imagine I was seeing blood on my guitar. I could see it!

I stepped back, I told myself, "No!"

I fell on the ground. I could see blood all over the place. I kept telling myself, "It can't be!"

Someone came rushing to the accident scene, I heard someone scream, "Dad! Mom!"

When I was about to lift my head, someone came to me from my back. I didn't close my eyes but everything was dark, I couldn't see anything.

Someone's already covering my eyes, with those warm hands.

Thanks to those warm hands that were covering my eyes. Seeing my parents' lifeless body would definitely scar me more.

I remained still. I wanted to believe it's not them.

"Dad! Mom! Please wake up! Please!" that familiar voice cried. I was sure it's my brother.

Drowning in these painful tears. I could feel my heart, shattering into pieces.

Suddenly, it became quiet. I could no longer hear the cries of that familiar voice. I could just hear people utter what a dreadful accident. I could hear footsteps walk away from the scene. I could hear the police talk to the people who witnessed the accident.

"The taxi driver made a left turn going inside the university when the black car hit the red light. It was rushing towards the taxi so I guess the driver could not maneuver in time. It was really fast. You can review the CCTV footage installed around the university. It's that black car's fault."

One police said, "Get those scattered things. Also, that guitar. Is that still okay? Make sure to secure all the things. Let's go to the hospital and meet the family of the victims."

Hearing those words, my shoulders felt heavy.

No more warm hands covering my eyes. This time, I took courage to open my eyes. I got up and told the police, "Th—that's my g—guitar."

From that rainy day, that cold night, everything became my worst nightmare. Those beautiful memories turned to misery.

----------

The house felt empty. I could hear mom's laughter, dad's voice. My parents were gone. I felt devastated, my brother, too. But I knew he was trying to look tough so he could be my strength. There were nights I couldn't sleep. There were nights I would suddenly wake up, crying and calling Mom and Dad.

"Mina. I am not telling you to hide your tears. You can cry whenever you feel like crying. You can pour out your emotions, I'll be here for you. You're not alone. But promise me one thing. Do your best to move on. Life goes on, okay?"

One night, while we're having dinner. I didn't answer. I couldn't swallow my food. I put down my spoon. Tears fell slowly.

"Mina, do you want Mom and Dad to be happy where they are right now?" he asked.

Still looking down, with my soft voice, I answered yes.

"Don't be miserable. You can be sad at times but don't let your sadness reside in your heart. It will stop you from living your life well."

My brother came to me and hugged me tenderly.

"JP, open the door." Suddenly someone's knocking. It's our uncle.

My brother got up and walked to the door. My two uncles and grandfather were standing outside.

He let them in. I got up, wiped my tears and prepared warm drink for them.

"What's your plan now, JP?" Uncle Joe asked my brother.

"Live the usual life. I will still attend school and work during my free time. Don't worry, I can take care of Mina." He answered.

"Do you think life is easy?" Uncle Son asked.

"Yes. As long as we live simply." He answered.

Grandfather butt in.

"As the eldest in the family, I want you to listen to me. JP, go to L.A. Continue your studies there. Mina, live in my house. Transfer to an expensive and good school. All these things are for you."

My brother looked at him. "We appreciate that but we can live on our own."

"Don't be stubborn like your father. Look where they are now. If he just listened to father and forgot what he really wanted to do, they could have been alive. You wouldn't be left alone like this. Can't you still understand the situation, JP?" Uncle Joe angrily said.

My brother looked at him and said, "You don't know how happy my father was every time he performed with his band. Please, stop blaming our dad. He never wronged you, your family."

I couldn't dare look at them, I hated them so much.

Grandfather got up, looking disappointed. Our two uncles got up, too and walked out from the house.

The door closed.

My brother sat beside me, held my hand and assured me that everything would be fine, that I should not worry.

----------

Weeks, months passed, we're still getting through living on our own, without our grandfather's help.

My brother continued attending music school while working a lot of part-time jobs. He would still perform with his band and got paid for their gigs.

There were times I would see him think deeply. Was he having a hard time? I wanted to ask, but for sure he would joke around and tell me that he's stronger than Superman. He barely slept for long hours. He would get up early morning to work at the coffee shop near his school before attending classes. At night, he would still work. He would get home around 1 AM and had to get up before the sun rose.

School would end soon. I felt relieved that somehow my brother's responsibility would lessen. I wanted to work and save money, too so I could help him but he always got angry whenever I opened up about my plan.

One late afternoon, when he had no work to do, he picked me up from school. We were walking at the busy street of Hannan. I was eating ice cream while he's sipping his iced coffee.

"How's school? You haven't gone back to the music club?" he asked.

"I'm busy studying. I don't have enough time." I answered.

My brother knew I was lying. There's always time for me but because of that tragic accident, I never got the courage to touch and play my guitar again. It would just remind me of that painful night of losing our parents. I also feared singing. I hated to feel the loneliness every time I started to sing.

Music definitely gave me unexplainable pain I had been avoiding since our parents passed away. 

"Aren't you hungry?" he changed the topic.

"I'm okay. This ice cream is enough. Are you hungry? If you are, we can eat."

He shook his head. He put his arm around me and teased me playfully.

"Stop it!" Saying while kicking him hard but he's stronger than me so I lost to him.

He stopped and stroke my hair fondly.

"Mina, you've been doing great! Stay strong. Dad and Mom are proud of you, for sure."

I stopped from walking, got emotional hearing my brother's warm words.

Looking at his tired eyes, he's still smiling at me, I hugged him saying, "You're my strength. If it's not for you, I don't know where I would be now. Thank you."

I could see his eyes, I knew these eyes had been keeping so much tears, so much pain. But, that night, he finally let these tears flow. He cried. I knew he had been hiding that loneliness, that pain for so long. I tried to wipe the tears on his face.

"Do you still remember the night after Mom and Dad's burial? You told me something. Mina, I am not telling you to hide your tears. You can cry whenever you feel like crying."

He cried more.

----------

"Mina Yoo." I received my middle school certificate and hugged my teacher.

Everyone looked so happy. It's a graduation ceremony in our room. Girls were carrying flowers. Parents and guardians were outside the room, looking at us through the window.

"Guys, I am so proud of you. Good luck to all of you in high school! Hope to see you again." Our teacher's last words for us then she left the room.

Parents came inside and congratulated us. Everyone became busy, taking photos, hugging each other, giving and receiving gifts and letters. I could see their happy faces.

I checked my phone. My brother hadn't texted or called me yet. I knew he's busy but I felt a bit disappointed. Did he forget that today was the last day of my school? He could at least come to congratulate me.

Feeling upset, I got out of the room. Walking at the hallway, every room was noisy, full of excited students and happy parents. I envied them. I wish my brother was also here.

I walked down the stairs to get out of the building.

"I am sorry, I'm late." It's my brother, I met him while he's hurriedly going upstairs.

I smiled and shook my head, "Don't rush, it's useless. It's already finished."

I showed him my middle school certificate. He scratched his head.

"Oh--- anyway, congratulations!" handing me a pretty bouquet.

"Why did you buy that? I am sure that's expensive!" I scolded him, looking at the flowers.

"Hey, ungrateful kid! You must be thanking me."

I laughed and told him I was just joking. I held his arm and walked down the stairs together.

"Let's go and eat something special." He told me.

"Wow! My brother is sure rich!"

He laughed and patted me on my head.

---------

"Mina, I have something to tell you." My brother looked serious.

I stopped eating and lift my head, "What's that?"

"Tomorrow is my flight to L.A"

His voice sounded more serious.

I looked down again, "Why? Don't tell me you're leaving me here?"

"You must be surprised. I will just-----"

I stood up. Got my bag and angrily spoke.

"No need to explain. I know it has been hard for you taking care of me alone. Go, if that can make you happy, I won't stop you."

He didn't say anything. Feeling so upset, I left him.

---------

Didn't notice it's already past 3 AM. Recalling what happened for the past months, I can't help but feel sad. But one thing for sure, I am no longer scared of playing my guitar and singing songs again.

I look at the guitar beside me, I touch it once again. I look at it for the second time, something catches my eyes. What's that?

I get up and hold my guitar, looking at it closely, I can see a few words engraved on its side. It's "Mom, Dad and brother love you forever"

Instead of getting hurt like I used to feel, I get positively emotional. All this time, I imprisoned myself in loneliness and desolation. Instead of living in my family's beautiful memory, I chose to walk away from it. I feel guilty.

Without hesitation, I get my phone. I want to call someone.

The other line is ringing.

That sweet voice, it's on the other line. "Mina?"

Tears, I can feel these flowing on my face. But this time, these tears are no longer from my shattered heart anymore. Yearning, I tell him, "I miss you. I miss you... so much."

Listening to him on the other line, his sweet voice, voice that I long to hear tells me, "I miss you more!"

My brother's voice has never changed.

I can overcome the pain now. And I know why. Like those engraved words on my guitar, I get reminded that they loved me and continuously love me endlessly even that love is now a memory.