Chapter 2: Beautiful Pain

That voice. I know that voice enough to make my heart flutter. I look back.

He's my tutor, my goodness! He looks super cool, a hundred times cooler than the first time I saw him. He is just standing there, doing nothing but he is very manly, just like those guys who protect their girls in the movies or dramas. He looks so great on his simple outfit - white long sleeves, jeans and sneakers. My fear disappears. My heart is still beating fast, but not because I'm scared, but because I'm seeing him now. That serious look makes him even more charming.

"Are you not going to let her go or should I report you to the police for harassing her?"

Yuri releases my wrist. I get my bag and walk to my tutor. I stand beside him.

"You guys have not learned your lessons yet? Bring your parents to school on Monday. Go home." He tells Jay and his friends.

The four guys walk out while Yuri and Dani are still standing in front of us. My tutor looks at me.

"You want me to report them to your school's guidance officer?"

I shake my head. Yuri and Dani look at me.

"No need, teacher. I'll forgive them."

I walk towards them, "But.. if you lay your hands on me again, I won't let it slide anymore."

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"So, you're a teacher from SA Art High School? Wow! You must be good!"

I am walking beside him as we head home.

"Not yet, just a practice teacher."

"Ahhh.. but that's still cool!"

He looks at me. This time, he doesn't look that serious anymore. Somehow, I can feel that he's really going to talk to me in a friendly way.

"Mina."

Oh, it's the first time he calls me by name. Why does it sound so lovely? I can feel my heart beats fast again. I thought I can already handle his presence but why it's hard for me to stay calmed when he does something. Like this, calling me Mina.

"Yes? T-teacher.." I respond.

"Next time, be careful. You should not trust easily. Sometimes even when we know someone, it's not assurance that they won't hurt us. Okay?"

This. I like this moment. I know he wants to act like a brother to me but why do I feel like he's my boyfriend who thinks nothing but my safety? Stupid! Wake up, Mina! Don't dream.

"Are you not going to answer me?"

"Ahh Y-yes, teacher!" I smile at him but before he can see it, he already looks away.

Another silence. Thanks to the loud music on this busy street, it's not that awkward compared last night when we were eating.

"Can I ask you something?"

He looks at me, "Sure."

"How did my grandfather know you?"

This time I bravely ask him. Why not? He looks more approachable now.

"He didn't tell you?"

"Teacher, if he told me, you think I will still ask you?"

He becomes silent. Did he get my joke? That's the problem of him being serious.

"Eyyy, just kidding!" I smile at him, this time, he sees it.

He shakes his head. "You must be happy now after what happened earlier, huh?"

"Of course! Who will get a chance to be saved by a cool teacher?"

He shakes his head for the second time and continues walking.

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"Oh! You're here! Come, get inside but Mina is not yet here." Ms. Kim for sure has been waiting for him.

My tutor lets me in first. Ms. Kim looks surprised. "Ohhhh, you're together?"

"We saw each other while coming here." I explain.

"I see." She smiles like there is no tomorrow.

Ms. Kim's smile is something I can't take it. Is she trying to look cute in front of him?

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It's quiet again. After he explains the lessons, here I am, answering some Science exercises. I look at him, he is reading that book again. It's his favorite book, I think.

I stop answering and get a piece of paper. I write something, fold the paper and call him.

"Teacher. Give me your hand."

"Why?" he looks confused.

"Just give me." I smile.

I hand him the folded paper and he opens it. It says "Thank you for saving me earlier, teacher" with a heart at the end of it.

He folds the paper back and says, "Don't think of excuses to kill the time. Answer that."

"Welcome! That's supposedly your answer, right?" I tell him mockingly.

He looks at me again, points at my Science exercises and continues reading his book.

"Teacher, we still have a lot of time. Can we talk?" I move my chair closer to him.

He frowns at me, "I don't get paid for talking to you."

He moves my chair away from him, "Finish that. Also don't come to me closer just like what you did."

"Why? I thought we're friends now. You seemed nice when we're coming here. Ah! I think you change when you teach me? Well, that's okay! I understand. So, if we are outside, we can be friends, right?"

"Just because I helped you doesn't mean we can be friends."

"Why??? Is it because I'm only a high school student and you're already graduating college? That's okay teacher, age does not matter to me."

He comes close to me. This time, he puts his face near my face, moves my chair closer to him. Close that I can see his beautiful eyes, his sharp nose, his skin is so clear, his thick eyebrows, his red lips, and oh, he has a mole under his right eye. Same scent like yesterday. His hair is not neatly done, making me want to stroke it playfully. I think I smile, I hope he didn't notice it.

"You. Me. We are different. We can't be friends."

I move my chair. He does the same. I continue answering my book, he continues reading. I look at him once again. What's his problem? I shake my head. Focus. Focus.

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"Not bad. At least this time, your score is not zero."

He packs his things in his bag. I go to bed, I want to lie down for a bit, "Teacher, it's because I hate Math that's why my score yesterday was.." I laugh silently.

He looks at me. I get up. "You are too comfortable around me, aren't you? How come you're already lying on that bed while I'm still here?"

"Oh, sorry! Don't you feel happy that I feel comfortable around you? That means I find you harmless." I giggle.

He shakes his head, throws me the Math book, "I folded the pages, answer those."

"Teacher Kian? Mina? Are you done? Dinner is ready. They are waiting downstairs."

It's Ms. Kim. What? They are here? They will eat with us?

"They?" My tutor asks.

"I think my grandfather, uncles and their families."

I sigh. He sees it, "Why?"

"Teacher, please tell them we still have a lot of things to finish for my class tomorrow so we can't have dinner with them. Please? Please?"

"But, it's Saturday tomorrow." He answers back.

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It is really true. When something good happens to you, something bad awaits. And it's happening right now. Everyone is here. My grandfather, my two uncles, their wives and my cousins. These are the faces I hate to see. My tutor is sitting beside me.

"Eat comfortably, Mr. Kian." My uncle's wife says as she puts meat to my teacher's plate.

"Thank you." He smiles at her. That's the first time I see him smile. What is this feeling? Honestly, I can't breathe because of the people around me but why when I see him smile, it makes me feel lighter. Is he really my savior?

"How's Mina? Is she doing well?" my uncle asks. He is the youngest among them, my late father is the eldest then Uncle Joe.

"It's just our second day so I can't say it yet whether she's doing well or not. But one thing for sure, she is not good in Math. She got zero scores last night."

Everyone laughs but not my grandfather. I can't swallow the food I am eating. I put down my spoon and fork, drink some water. Do you really have to say that?

"Mina has the least interest in studying among my grandchildren. That is why I hired a tutor for her. All her cousins have no tutors, they don't need. They excel in everything they do.

Jin, she is the top student in her school. She always gets the achiever's award every term. She has won a lot of Math competitions even without hiring a coach.

Her brother, Min is also a top student in his school. He excels in Science. He is always sent abroad for Science research programs.

Her Uncle Joe's only daughter is also a good student. She excels in business and management at such young age that is why I sent her to a Business High School in California. The reason why she's not here."

Jin looks so happy hearing our grandpa's praise. I can see her proud smile while drinking her juice. Yeah, sure! They are all gifted, except me.

"And Mina's brother is in L.A right now, he's in college." Grandfather continues.

Uncle Joe comments, "Father, Mina's tutor must be in pressure now."

Kian smiles again. His smile is the only comfort I need in this situation. Thanks to him, I think I can survive this hell-like dinner.

"I will do my best to guide Mina in her studies. She is a nice girl so I don't think there will be any problems."

Min answers, "But being nice isn't a thing. She can't survive being nice. We live in a cruel world. Mina needs to be smart. Wise not nice."

"Oh! That's deep." Jin adds.

"Mina is still young. She might be the happy-go-lucky type of a student but that doesn't define her future." My tutor says while looking at Min.

Wow! He's really cool. That's my tutor! Min looks pissed off. He deserves it.

"You're right. Let's see what will happen to her in the future. I just hope she won't put our family's reputation in shame, like what her parents did."

Grandfather's words are too painful to carry. Why bring up my parents here? Did you really lose respect towards them? If brother is here, will he allow them to embarrass me and my parents like this? I want to cry. But if they see me cry, they will surely have more reasons to look down on me. I need to be strong, at least in front of them.

"I just hope she won't put our family's reputation in shame, like what her parents did." This keeps echoing through my ears, piercing my heart.

"I am sorry but I have to go now. Thank you for the dinner." My tutor says.

My grandfather affirms by saying, "Sure. Take care."

My tutor smiles at him, gets up and looks at me. Our eyes meet.

"Ah-please excuse Mina, too. I forgot to give her some reminders for her tests on Monday." He adds.

Grandfather just nods. I am still sitting, looking at him with a confused look.

"Are you not going to stand up? Don't make your tutor wait." My uncle's wife says.

"Ah yes." I stand up and hurriedly go upstairs together with him.

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I open the door in my room. I get in, sit on the chair. He gets in a few seconds then goes at the table.

I am clenching my fist. Hearing those harsh words pointing at my parents, I want to cry out but manage to hide the anger and pain in me. I keep telling myself I should not cry in front of anyone. I should look tough in front of them so they won't have any reasons to look down on me.

He breaks the silence. He moves to reach for my hands. This time, he is already holding my hands. Still clenched. I am looking at him.

"Mina. Loosen up. Will you?"

He tries to unclench my fists but my hands are unbending. This time, tears fall. For the first time in front of him, I give in. I try to hold back my tears but feeling his hands trying to calm me down moves me. I am still not looking at him. I feel shy that I look weak now, in front of him.

He's still holding my clenched fists. Looking down, I can see these tears dripping slowly from my eyes, falling on our hands, these are the tears I have been keeping for so long. These are the pains I have been avoiding to feel. But, seeing these tears, the pain is slowly fading.

"We cry not because we are weak. We cry because we're strong to welcome the pain." He is still holding my hands. Not clenched anymore.

"You're brave. You did well." He slowly lets go of my hands.

Still not looking at him. Then I hear the door close.

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"Emptiness that dwells in me is slowly fading
You become my home
Where the only place I can't hide the pain
Is in your eyes, in your heart
Looking at you, locked in your gaze
You know that I need you."

Writing these words, no more tears, pain? I know it's still here. But this time, a bearable kind of pain

I put down my pen. Looking at the words I have written, I suddenly think of something. Something that I long to see, feel and touch.

I stand up from sitting, go to the closet next to my bookstand. I open it and see my guitar. I don't know but for some reasons, I get it. I never touched it for so many months. I am scared. But my heart is filled with unheard melodies.

"Emptiness that dwells in me is slowly fading
You become my home
Where the only place I can't hide the pain
Is in your eyes, in your heart
Looking at you, locked in your gaze
You know that I need you..."

Singing the piece of song my heart is speaking, with those words, for the first time in a while, I can sing without crying, I can play my guitar once again without hurting.

This time, I am not living in that painful memory. I'm sure, it is someone I am thinking. My tutor. Is he the reason why I can sing again, without any pain?