13

I laid naked in bed beside Sam, the blankets being my source of shield from view. I kept thinking about the things I had done with him and how pleasurable they were.

"Ally?" He broke my thought cycle, drawing my attention back to the present.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, placing my head on his chest whilst he wrapped his arm around me.

"I was just thinking, would you like me to come over to your house? I would really love to be able to spend time with your family." He said. I pulled away from him sharply, holding the blanket around my chest while I sat up.

"What? Why?" I could not conceal my astonishment.

"I just thought, you and I have been bonding a lot more lately but I haven't got the opportunity to really connect with your family." He said, sitting up as well.

"Why is meeting my family important? You are in a relationship with me not them." I pointed out. "It is not like you and I are getting married sometime soon, what's the point of building a family bond?" I frowned, hoping I did not sound as rude as my nerves intended.

"Well, if things proceeded, we could get married." He shrugged, like his words meant absolutely nothing.

I gasped against my volition, "there is no way you just said that."

"What?" He furrowed his eyebrows at me, "you don't see a future with me?" He sounded heartbroken and that brought me to the realization that he took this a lot more serious than I was aware of.

"It's not that." How did I explain to him that I saw him as a source of distraction, not a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was definitely not ready to begin a future with him.

"What is it then?" He was getting tensed.

"We barely know enough about each other, we are not even months into this relationship." I said in my defense, shaking my head thoroughly.

"We would have a chance to if you would let us." He retorted, "I mean I try my best to get us to hang out a lot more but you are either too busy doing this, or doing that."

"You make this a whole bunch about you, sometimes I can't help but think-" he heaved a sigh and lowered his voice, "I can't help but think you might be using me after all."

"Wow." I blurted with wide eyes. "That is what you are implying, huh?"

"But that can change." He brightened up a bit. "Give us the chance to bloom our relationship, we still have a lot of time on our side and I am really willing to make you the happiest person if you would permit. I love you, Ally."

I felt like a terrible person listening to him say his true feelings. He was right, I was using him and that made me feel like a terrible person. I did have a great sense of attraction to him but I could certainly point out that I was not in love with him. I loved how great he was in bed and his personality but that was it.

"You can't say the same for me." He nodded, understanding the message my silence conveyed.

Instead of a tantrum like I would gave sxprctrf, he instead sighed and held my hand in his. "I totally understand."

I cupped his cheeks in my hands. "Baby, it isn't that way. I'm still at a point where I'm trying to gather enough knowledge when it comes to understanding my life and I have a long way to ho before that dan be made into reality." It was the absolute truth. I didn't think he deserved to be put through all that I was letting him face. He was an innocent man who craved for affection and I was a woman, angered that I wasn't getting the affection I craved.

"I believe all that you have to say, really." He said and placed my hands down beside me.

"I understand if you don't want this to continue. I'm sorry that I'm selfish and self centred and..." He did not let me finish my statement.

He crashed his lips against mine and kept them there until he was certain I had relaxed enough to receive his kiss. He pulled away after a while. "I'll be here whenever you need me. I don't know exactly what you are going through but if you need me to be your source of distraction. I'm willing to be connected."

He was adorable. He did not deserve someone like me. I hoped that he would find someone who would truly love him and provide the sense of attraction he needed.

All that stood in my way of letting go and becoming a free man was Justine. I had to find a way to let him go, either by getting him to fall in love with me or learning to love another.

I knew it was impossible to have him to myself but I knew that there had to be other ways to make this an achievable goal.

I was going to satisfy a part of my fantasy. If it would assist me in moving on in my life journey then it was an offer I would willing take.

I would get him to lay in bed with me. That would help me stay guilty enough to want to permanently ward him off. It was settled.

"Ready to get all this behind us with another befitting round of pleasure?" He teased and smirked at me.

"You bet." I chuckled and returned the favour. He yanked my feet so I laid supine and that caused me to scream. He settled on top of me, lifting the blankets so he could lie directly on my naked skin.

He began with his torturous kisses while my mind wandered off to my plan and how I was successfully going to activate it into reality.